Not The Captain But The Atmosphere

Summary

The author reflects on the struggle to control their inner turmoil and the desire to influence their own emotions and help others, while acknowledging the need for self-improvement before attempting to aid others.

Abstract

The text is a contemplative piece where the author likens themselves to a ship's captain navigating through personal challenges and addictions. They recognize the power and deception of their own mind, aspiring to command their emotions as if controlling the weather. The author expresses a wish to support those suffering from abuse and addiction, but also realizes the importance of managing their own life and mental state first. There's an underlying journey towards self-awareness and the eventual goal of detaching from the intensity of their own thoughts and feelings.

Opinions

The author initially perceives themselves as the captain of their life, responsible for navigating through personal struggles.
They acknowledge the mind's significant influence, comparing it to storms and waves that can be both powerful and misleading.
There is a desire to have total control over personal emotions, akin to controlling the weather.
The author wishes to help others who are in distress due to abuse or addiction but recognizes the necessity of self-help and personal responsibility before assisting others.
They aspire to help people overcome depression and addiction but also contemplate the idea of not caring deeply about these issues, which they associate with losing their soul.
The piece concludes with gratitude towards Diana C. for providing the prompt that inspired the reflection.

I am the captain, ship, and navigator of it all

I used to think I am the captain Of this ship, of this mess, of this Spirit involved in all kinds of addictions that are not easy to fight.

But there are storms, waves, and the most powerful yet, deceiving thing is, my mind.

Let that sink in, I told myself but was it the ship sinking? Was it my mind? Or, Was my mind the ship?

I have no clue, but what I want is my mind to be the entire atmosphere. I want to control my rain, my wind my waves, my thunderstorms.

I want to control everything, I want to be the captain of everything I will ever feel. You will ever feel. But what do you think you feel?

I want to hold the tears of people who are abused because of their kindness! I want to shout NO to people who tend to say YES But before that, I have to be able to control my life.

I want to help people to clean their mess because they live in depression. But before that, I should clean my own house.

I want to help people to quit addictions Alcohol, drugs, and lottery. But before that, I should probably ask if they want to be helped.

I want to care less about everything I just wrote. But before I do that, I have to lose my soul.

Thank you Diana C. for this prompt!