Not Rich Kids and Poor Kids, but Wise Parents or Not

If you had a chance to change parents, what kind of parents would you choose? Would you prefer ones that have abundant resources? Or, would you consider the ones that have knowledge? time? caring?

One experience made me think about those questions. Last year, I went to a refugee camp in San Diego. There were two girls who were four years old. While playing a ball with them, I observed something unforgettable. One girl could play a ball well, the other one couldn’t. Whereas one could give up the ball when the other girl was crying, the other one couldn’t. One did not mind sitting on the dirt floor, the other one couldn’t. Guess what the difference was behind their background?

The first little girl, who gave way the ball to the other girl, came to the U.S. from Afghanistan with her parents and five siblings. They had to escape from the country for survival. Her parents do not have enough resources to raise kids in the U.S. They can’t speak English. Needless to say, she was wearing worn slippers and pajamas at 3 p.m. What about the other girl? She was born in the U.S. Her parents are rich and own properties and abundant resources. They came to the camp to volunteer. They don’t need to be concerned for survival. Of course, their daughter was wearing shiny shoes and nice clothes. After I got back home, I recalled the scene, asking this question. “Which one is much luckier? The one who has adapted to adversity and is more empathetic? Or else, the girl who has been provided a comfortable life and wealthy the minute she was born?”

First, I could not judge two beautiful girls because they are a kid. Second, I could not condemn their background because it is their innate destiny. They have not had a chance to customize their lives inadvertently. Third, being rich and poor does not guarantee the highest odds of being a great human. Finally, I reached an ultimate question.

“Then, what components are required for a kid to grow as a great human?” Think about many demonstrations in the world. Many successful people had the hardship when they were young like Ophra Winfrey, Jim Carrey, and J.K Rowling. On the other hand, some people who were born rich might end up destroying their lives. In other words, the simple fact that a family has resources is not a necessity to raise a great human. What is the significant factor? What is the necessary ingredient that people might be missing when they raise a kid, due to the effect of society?

While have been looking for the answer, I had a conversation with my friend from Senegal. She is a teacher in high school. I asked her “From your perspective as a teacher, which one do you think is more fortunate? Rich kids, who have plenty of resources to experience what they want? Or poor kids who have adversity early in their life, which could possibly modulate their resilience?” Her answer gave me the great insight. “There are no rich kids and poor kids. There are only wise parents or not. It’s a matter of how they educate their kids.”

Except for the effect of genes and uncontrollable destiny of lives, parents can choose how they will educate their kids. If any parents solely rely on material resources without disciplining their kids with values and goals, they could deviate from the right path. When I worked as an au pair, I met a woman from my host kid’s school. She was not as rich as other parents in the school. However, I admired how she disciplined her son. For instance, when he got in trouble, she asked him “why” with tranquility and calm voice, trying to understand his emotions, but being firm simultaneously. Her education was full of intangible assets that can’t be exchanged for tangible assets.

Let me share my stories. Although I had many family issues at a young age, my mom has had her solid philosophies. First, she was strict with honesty. Second, she did not hesitate to spend money on books. Third, she wanted me to pursue what I like to do for my happiness. Lastly, she always prayed for me and my brother. Those lessons have formed me to wander but constantly look for what I am passionate about. Eventually, she raised me and my brother to be a great human being despite past adversities.

I concluded that there were no rich kids or poor kids. It is inappropriate to blame young kids for their behaviors. But, parents are responsible for it. It doesn’t mean that every parent has to be perfect, but they are responsible for caring for them and helping them to find the right path in the middle of an unexpected world. And then, when they become a grown-up, they will figure out how they could live their life.