Not Feeling Aligned Today? Don’t Panic…

5 Powerful Regulators for Sustained Self-Improvement

You’re a hurdles runner, you’re in great shape and your technique’s perfect — you fly over every hurdle, launching and landing smoothly, taking it all in your stride until…

You clip a hurdle, compensate for the next one, clear but land heavily, clip the next, and the next, clatter into the next one and the next; other people overtake you and you just want to give up –

Sometimes it only takes the smallest thing and all our good habits and mindset start to unwind — how do we get back into a rhythm?

Should we stop, rest up, and get ready to go again, or run through it and try to get our rhythm back?

At this point my mind used to swing in like a demolition ball — I knew I was spiraling away from my best performance and my default theory was that this was inevitable, that this was the down-curve in a natural cycle. I persuaded myself — for years and years — not only to stop and step out of the race but to completely give up: you’ve been working too hard recently, you’re tired and burnt out, you need to relax and stop trying so you can get your energy back after that.

The best plan for that hurdles runner, apparently, was to step off the track, start smoking and drinking and indulging in every kind of bad habit until he was thoroughly drunk and hungover and sick of his bad habits and then he would be ready to train again and join the races.

That kind of logic is still always waiting for me whenever my rhythm falters and my life is not quite aligned.

Resist the Urge to Give Up

My bad habits and old identity would come surging back at moments like these. All this hard work and healthy living and good habits, it’s not YOU, it would say, you need to get back in touch with your real self.

This is the voice we need to resist.

It’s tough.

Rather than spiral and give up, you need to keep going at this point — this is really where you prove whether or not you are in the race for real. Dig Deep, keep running, keep hurdling, until you’re back into rhythm.

The thing is you won’t be feeling good about hurdling, your won’t feel in rhythm, each jump and land will jar slightly.

So instead of your mind producing healthy suggestions and positive ideas, it will clam up. This is where structure and habits help to get you through.

You have to tell yourself that if you want to succeed you have to train every day. and you need to be clear about what training is.

For me, it means working towards my

7 Personal Targets

I have a simple mind map of 7 goals towards which I work — Wife, Son, Parents, Job, Finances, Body, Writing — and for each one there are a bunch of activities that I know are productive towards that aim. (For example, take finance, I can work on my tutoring business, or look at new houses to buy, or review accounts, etc.)

When I’m hitting hurdles, my mind is not going to provide me with those options. But I have them written down so it’s simple — I just choose one of them and do it for half an hour or so.

Then I choose a ‘Body’ activity (say, running) and do that, then something for My Wife (could just be a little act of service, like making her a nice dinner or trying to find out how she’s feeling about something in her life).

Then I sit down with my son and do something like piano practice — and all through these activities my mind has been grumbling, telling me its pointless and I just need to give up because I’m going to break anyway –

I go to bed and I know it’s been a bit of a drag-day, but I didn’t give up — maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up completely back in synch, or maybe it’ll take another day of conscious choices and resistance., working along to the 7 targets.

Action: Write out a mind map for yourself — what are the targets that you work towards, what will make your world whole, positive and balanced? How can you work on each one?

Then, when you need it to be, when you’re uninspired, it can be like painting by numbers.

Habits work over time. As a school boy, I played hockey for England because I went to the pitch everyday and played; on my own, with others, in rain, sun, whatever. I loved it and I became unusually good.

That’s how it works.

You need to do it (almost) everyday, happy or not.

the doing it will get you out of a rut too.

But if you’re hitting hurdles, here’s another technique. To my mind map of 7 Targets, I add:

#8: Regulators

The brain is persuasive when it tries to talk you out of your new habits and lifestyle because it’s smart — it’s right — there is something mechanical and limited and even ridiculous in what you’re trying to do (whatever it is). You have to accept that argument and incorporate it into your new identity.

Your brain is giving you feedback which you need to deal with, just as if it were an employee or a customer giving you serious feedback — ignore it at your peril.

And so Rule 8; Regulators: things you can do that focus on your wellbeing in a positive way. Importantly, these are NOT goal-driven. Because your 7 Targets alone can make life a little too mechanical — these are open-ended, not productive of anything other than feeling good.

Action: Add an eight bubble on the mind map — Regulators — and write in some fun and relaxing activities coming off that bubble.

You have to decide your own because these are personal. Here are mine:

1. Singing in the shower: Or just showering/bathing, I like the singing too. (I’m careful about what song I sing. Back in the days of drugs, moodiness, negativity, and low EQ, I’d sing Radiohead or Dylan — sassy, angsty, counter-culture sort of stuff in an affected voice; these days I tend to go for Carmina Burana and try to sing from my diaphragm.)

2. Playing music: Half an hour or so of playing an instrument and singing songs. Again, I’m trying to aim at the right attitude and sound — it’s easy to work yourself up into anarchy with music but it’s also possible to wind yourself down into peacefulness and self-possession.

3. Reading: Anything but self-improvement or research for articles. I like fiction, especially classics. they’ll carry you away if you let them and bring you back enriched. Choose an interesting writer you’re curious about and have a random aimless look at their work

4. Walking: the classic get back to nature works best with your family.

5. A Run: I have this as a ‘Regulator’ rather than as part of my Body activities.

6. Do something new — Again, this works best with your family — go to a new café, go to a new town, watch a new movie, go have a different meal at your favorite restaurants, buy some new shoes? Aim at spending money here and making yourself feel as if you are successful and you can do what the hell you like just because your habits and self-control and so unbreakable! Show your brain that your habits are creating new happiness.

7. Do something Old — I’ll sometimes go see my parents and chat. My mind is likely to accuse me of being a traitor to my past if I continue with my new habits so I can prove it completely wrong and give it a dose of the past strong enough to kill that craving.

8. Intimacy — these are part of my goals towards my wife and my son but they’re really important here too — spend time with them, physical contact, appreciate them, breathe in the smell of their skin.

I’m always adding new things to these lists and you should too. Whatever floats your boat. Remember the point is that these are pointless in themselves but they unload the gun that your mind points at your head.

They’re about fitting enjoyment and relaxation within the new lifestyle you’re making with your 7 Targets.

Hope they’re useful.