Normal

a poem

I look at myself I see myself

Kind of She’s almost 40 though

Shhh don’t tell But then again, really

Why hide this stuff, why hate on this stuff We have to be this, aging is what we do

I would do things differently, but they are all weird impossible things Like meet my husband earlier, not be 15 years apart, have more babies, have babies together, solve climate change

Be a poet earlier, be a poet more, be a poet better Have books and books and readings and readers

Nothing about my body, it is what it is I tried my best, and I put it through enough

The high school self-hatred, feeling like ‘the fat one’ at a size ten Now holding strong for over a decade at a size 14 and knowing this is normal, this is actually great

This is desired, even I could work out more, but I hate gyms, so why?

I might start walking, maybe and I do enjoy a good swim But as long as nothing feels like I am exercising,

This all started when I, in my nightgown, really Went outside to help you with the car troubles, I saw myself in the reflection of the car door

And felt pretty cute, And then felt a tinge of melancholy at not feeling pretty cute sooner, more often, earlier, always

And that time is passing faster now than it has ever done My child almost 11, my love 54, myself almost 40, the world almost cooked

Honestly, just honestly, how can we find the time for normal human feelings of regret and longing; When we are so busy fending off, warding off, processing these new human feelings of species extinction and grief over global warming?

Jenny Justice is a mom, Sociology instructor, and writer. You can follow her on Medium and at Jenny Justice, Writer. She has been recognized as a Top Writer on Medium in Poetry, Parenting, Reading, Education, Books, Racism, Feminism and Climate Change, so far. You can follow her poetry at Justice Poetic.