avatarOpemipo Omosa

Summary

The author expresses skepticism about maintaining friendship immediately after a breakup, considering it a selfish act by the person initiating the breakup.

Abstract

In the aftermath of a breakup, the author was asked by her ex-partner to remain friends. She views this request as inconsiderate, as the person who initiates the breakup has likely already processed their feelings, while the other is left in shock. The author argues that the idea of staying friends is often self-serving for the one who ends the relationship, as it allows them to keep the ex as a backup while they look for someone new, leaving the other person hopeful for reconciliation. The author concludes that friendship post-breakup is not feasible when emotions are still raw and suggests it might be possible only after some time has passed.

Opinions

  • It is selfish to ask for friendship right after a breakup.
  • The person initiating the breakup has an unfair advantage, having processed their emotions beforehand.
  • The request to remain friends can be seen as using the ex-partner as a placeholder for a future relationship.
  • One ex-partner may harbor hope for rekindling the romance while the other moves on, which is unfair.
  • Immediate friendship after a breakup is likened to wanting to "have your cake and eat it too."
  • The author does not dismiss the possibility of friendship after some time has elapsed and the initial pain has subsided.

No, we can’t be friends after our breakup

Photo by Caleb Ekeroth on Unsplash

Can we still be friends?" He asked me right after breaking up with me. I was too stunned to speak.

I believe it's selfish for a person who has broken up with their partner to ask to remain friends.

One reason is that you know it will be hard for the person you are breaking up with to decline because they are still trying to process everything, unlike you, who had time to process things before breaking up.

It also sounds like the person who is being broken up with is a placeholder for whoever is coming next.

What usually happens is that the exes will be friends and while one is hopeful (usually the one broken up with) that they get back together, the other (the one who initiated the breakup) is looking for someone else while having the pleasure of keeping their ex around.

It is having your cake and eating it.

I just don't buy into the whole being friends immediately after a breakup. Maybe later on, but not when the wound is fresh.

Relationships
Breakups
Short Form
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