“NO” was the beginning of our relationship.

SORRY!! I cannot do it anymore…I am out of it …and this is how our 3 year relationship ended.

I was a quiet, reserved child in my school, and I never wanted to be the well-known, talk-of-the-town student or a member of the popular group there. All I wanted was to blend in, so much so that even if someone happened to glance at me on the street outside the school, I would pretend to be completely unknown to them. I had a few go-to techniques for maintaining a low profile: keeping my head down and acting like I was searching for something that was never lost, cutting off all eye contact, and changing my route.

The Spring of Hormones is finally here — college life.

On my first day of college, I was introduced to a vibrant group of girls who also happened to be my roommates. Going on trips, shopping, taking part in events, networking with the college seniors, and other activities made me feel ecstatic to be one of its members. It seemed as though I was a jack of all trades but a master of none, and in no time I slipped into the “yes club” without realizing it. I was so afraid of losing that gang that disagreeing or saying no was never an option for me.

Gift exchanges, dressing standards, forceful outings — even my analytical abilities were immobilized. It was really frightening, as I gave in to their beliefs and ideals. I went from being an introvert to a fake extrovert; it was obvious that I was going through an identity crisis.

During my fourth year, I decided to part ways from that group after realizing that, if left unchecked, this anxiety would become a personality attribute and that the perpetual unhappiness persisted to such an extent that I had to sacrifice my academics in order to stay with them. It was at this point that I realized the “Power Of Saying NO” My mental health greatly benefited from this move since it taught me to set boundaries based on my priorities, which opened up a world of new opportunities that I would not have been able to pursue had I said yes.

Now, your circumstances may differ greatly from mine. They may not be as severe, but the issue may still be minor. If it makes you uncomfortable, you should start by attempting the strategies listed below.

KNOW YOUR WHY

Identify what is most important to you. You must understand why certain things are not worth your time or effort.

PRACTICE

Choose to say no in some less risky and simple situations, like saying no when someone is trying to sell you something on the street, saying no to the insurance or credit card agents on call, and rehearsing more and more alone in your room, saying NO aloud many times.

BE GRATEFUL

Approach people with grace, and never belittle their requests. Thank them for considering you when they made the request or extended the invitation, and always remember that you can decline a request without denying the individual.

BE READY TO MISS OUT

Saying no will frequently give you the impression that you will miss out on a significant chance, but both are opportunities, so keep that in mind. All you’re doing is selecting one over the other.

OFFER AN ALTERNATIVE

Sometimes you want to say yes, but the timing isn’t right, or there may be another reason. Nevertheless, you still want to participate in the future. In these situations, provide a substitute that you find acceptable.

This is how I started a guilt-free, liberating relationship with myself. I may sound selfish to some, but now my mental health is a priority that I never compromise with.

After five years of no communication, I am happy to say that I have reconnected with my college gang, but this time on my own terms.