No, Quaden The Bullied Boy Is NOT A Scammer
When social media justice goes terribly wrong.
A couple of days ago, a video of a bullied, crying boy went viral.
You might have seen it. That boy’s name is Quaden Bayles, an Indigenous Australian boy with a genetic disorder called achondroplasia — the most common form of dwarfism.
If you haven’t seen the video, you can watch it on YouTube here.
(Warning: distressing content.)
Quaden was crying in the seat of a car, his head downcast and his eyes sad.
He repeatedly cries: “I want someone to kill me” and “I just want to die right now.”
There are few things in life as horrible as hearing the suicidal declarations of a 9-year-old boy. Having a child utter the words “give me a knife, I want to kill myself” is jarring on a molecular level.
But what chilled me the most was when he pointed a finger at his mother and sobs “Even you…you don’t even do anything.”
Can you imagine the pain his mother must have felt at that moment?
That shitty cocktail of impotency and righteous anger?
She continued to film and explained in a strained voice, obviously choking back tears, that this, this was the effect of bullying, and you wonder why boys in schools are killing themselves.
The video went viral.
The Silver Lining
It made headlines around the world, culminating with A-list celebrities such as Cardi B and Hugh Jackman expressing their public support for the bullied boy.
Quaden became a poster boy for anti-bullying overnight.
The NRL’s Indigenous All Stars team invited him to lead them out at their game against the Maori All Stars.
Brad Williams, a comedian with the same form of dwarfism as Quaden, started a GoFundMe to send Quaden and his mom to Disneyland in California.
The fundraiser raised almost USD $500k, and donations are still pouring in.
It’s 2020, and the tremendous power of social media cannot be denied. But in the immortal words of Uncle Ben,
“With great power comes great responsibility.”
Social Media Justice Cuts Both Ways
Social media is something of a double-edged sword. At its best, social media offers unprecedented opportunities for marginalized people to speak and bring much needed attention to the issues they face. At its worst, social media also offers ‘everyone’ an unprecedented opportunity to share in collective outrage without reflection.
— Roxane Gay
Barely hours after the news broke, the first murmurs of a rumour spread through the internet.
The conspiracy theories claimed that Quaaden was actually a full-grown adult pretending to be a 9-year-old boy.
They claimed that the video was nothing more than an elaborate scam to pull at people’s heartstrings and use our tears to lubricate our wallets. Hey, pity money is easy money, am I right?
I must admit, when I first heard the rumours, I was pretty shocked.
But instead of jumping to conclusions and grabbing the nearest pitchfork, I dug around for the truth.
And the truth is……
Quaden is a bullied 9-year-old boy with dwarfism.
Oopsie.
Yes, there were pictures showing him at a birthday party in front of a neon “18” sign, but it wasn’t his birthday. Yes, he is a child actor, but Quaaden has been raising awareness for indigenous rights and dwarfism since he was 4 years old.
The insidious thing about rumours is that they are hydra-like: wild-fire quick and growing ever more preposterous in the retelling.
There is a saying that goes:
“A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
In my experience, unfortunately, this quote rings true.
The rumours spread uncontrollably — and the awesome power of the internet turned against Quaden.
Many took the rumours at face value. Social media exploded. There were numerous accusatory tweets and posts directed at Quaden and his family, but they are so distasteful I will not repeat them here.
Look them up if you want to witness the worst of humanity.
We humans often think too highly of ourselves. We have grand ideas that we are the masters of the Universe when we are in fact slaves to ourselves. We try to conquer space when we haven’t figured out how to live together in peace, we spend billions on superfluous activities but do little to help world hunger.
Incidents like Quaden’s unfounded rumours prove that we are nothing more than apes. Highly-evolved ones, but apes nonetheless. Our minds are much more easily influenced than we think, and there is a part of our lizard brains that are conditioned to fear and hate and destroy without question.
Quaaden and his mother Yarraka’s social media accounts have since been deactivated.
Before going off social media, Yarraka posted a desperate warning on her Facebook, cautioning the public that there were fake accounts of Quaaden asking for donations.
Ah yes…..the scent of blood is in the air, and the scavengers have come out to feast.
There is no debasing enough word in the English language to describe scum who take advantage of someone else’s misfortunate, so I shall resort to my native Mandarin:
趁火打劫
This literally translates as “to loot from a burning house.”
I am reminded by the Great Amazon Burning of 2019. Fake accounts were set up by imposters to take advantage of the public’s kind donations.
Utterly disgusting.
The bitterest of ironies was that after she made a video to highlight the effects of bullying, Yarraka and her family were bullied even more mercilessly by the public — the very people that the SOS was for.
Why The Hate?
“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.”
— James Baldwin
It was the perfect shitstorm — and it only serves to highlight the point the Bayles family was trying to make.
Quaden suffers from Achondroplasia and thus does not look like other 9-year-old children. He is also a child actor and thus has casting pictures of himself wearing branded Gucci clothing.
That was enough ammunition to kickstart the rumours.
The fact is the Bayles family never asked for money. In fact, the $500k raised by Brad Williams to take Quaden to Disneyland? The family flat out refused to take the money.
Instead, they insisted the money be donated to various charities that support individuals affected by discrimination and bullying.
I am sure most of the comments were not intentionally malevolent. They were written by outraged members of the public who thought they were getting finessed. They were trying to protect their own, and I understand that.
But it doesn’t matter if the person firing the gun had any bad intentions. The end result is still the same. A trail of destruction. People hurt.
Damage done.
A lot of what went down can be prevented by working on so-called “soft skills” — skills like empathy and critical thinking.
Summary
Critical thinking is a real superpower in the 21st century.
In the age of unparalleled information dissemination, good critical thinking skills are an indispensable filter to separate truth from fiction.
Technology is levelling up at an unprecedented rate, and if we are to thrive in a new era, we have to understand that “soft skills” aren’t an afterthought — they are a must-have.
Reframe “soft-skills” to “essential-skills.”
Skills like empathy and critical thinking. Skills like communication, often lamented as a dying art. How to listen. Really listen, without interruption or judgement.
How to treat one another with respect. Real respect, not mass-manufactured yes sirs and no mams drilled into our impressionable minds in school.
How to care for one another without being embarrassed. How to settle disputes without violence, be they physical or emotional.
How to laugh, forgive, love — and live well.
In the Age of Information, we thrive or flop according to these skills.
In the case of Quaden and his family, I can only hope that the good outweighs the bad.
I am a true believer that love outweighs hate, and I hope that the Bayles family focuses on the love shown instead of the hate spewed.
Remember, when in doubt, always err on the side of empathy.
Thank you for reading my story :)