No pearls — Just fish ’n’ chips

How lockdown gave us an opportunity to re-connect and appreciate everything we have

We celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary with fish ’n’ chips in the garden.

There were no pearls. There was no lavish party.

My wife’s never been keen on pearls, diamonds or expensive shiny trinkets of any description for that matter. She’s not that fussed about parties either.

Neither of us is remotely materialistic and right now with the world slowly recalibrating itself, extravagant gestures of that magnitude somehow seem totally inappropriate.

Simple, thoughtful gifts and gestures and acts of kindness are what’s needed.

They’re even more relevant and important during these extraordinary times we’re coming to terms with.

I don’t consider myself a skinflint, far from it. However, fortunately, neither myself, nor the woman I chose to spend the rest of my life is high maintenance.

My wife is considerate, thoughtful, understanding, modest and patient. She’s an extremely down-to-earth Yorkshire woman possessing a delightful sense of humour on several levels.

She laughs a lot at the most ridiculous things and it’s infectious.

She’s a good person to be around.

Despite moving south with her family in her early teens, she’s never lost that slight northernness in her voice. It’s softened over the years and is more endearing than ever.

She still says ‘grass’ and not ‘grarse’ and ‘bath’ and not ‘barth. I’ve always loved that. It’s not posh, but I prefer it to posh. I prefer it more than I realised.

She knows who she is and where the real values in life are to be found.

She’s a wonderful companion and such a good friend.

It’s bizarre. These hugely positive attributes became even more apparent to me during the three months of imposed lockdown.

The last of our three grown-up children, all of whom we couldn’t love more and couldn’t be prouder of, left home the week before the restrictions came into force on 23 March to move into a flat with his girlfriend.

Occupying our current family home of 23 years, the two of us have spent more time ‘locked-in’ together during this period than ever before. For the most part, it’s been just the two of us.

We’ve never had so much time together — Just us.

I don’t think we’ve ever had so much fun together or laughed as much either.

Of course, like most couples, we’ve had our problems through the years. We’ve argued and fallen out. There have been times when we’ve had to overcome life’s most painful episodes and the troughs apparent in every relationship.

Before we were married, I was working all hours as a struggling journalist on local and regional papers. Like many others in my profession, I also freelanced and travelled to London to do a night shift on one of the big nationals.

Long days with long commutes nudging your way across a grid-locked, thankless, city to Canary Wharf. It saps your energy and your soul.

Of course, I had ambitions of making it to the big time. You do.

But then, it was all about saving for a deposit and all the hefty fees and costs associated with buying your own house.

That included an escalating double-figure interest rate during the latter part of the Eighties when it peaked at 15%. That was a particularly tough time.

I’d never heard of negative equity before. Everything was an uphill financial struggle if you were trying to get on the property ladder and had no money behind you. We certainly didn’t. We were broke.

And, we’ve been penniless and heavily in debt on more than one occasion since, largely down to my poor judgement and past business failings.

Losing a brother; losing parents; losing a job; losing a business; and then another; losing a house and trying your damnedest to keep it all together. Relentless pressures and ever-increasing stress on you and those closest to you.

You don’t always see clearly. You make mistakes.

Fortunately for me, my wife’s not a quitter. They breed ’em tough up in the Dales. She’s always stuck by me. She’s strong and she’s had to be.

And, contrary to over-hyped media reports highlighting rising numbers of relationship break-ups during lockdown, we’ve become even closer.

It’s given us uninterrupted and quality time together.

We’ve talked a lot and laughed a lot more than we have done for years. We’ve reflected on ourselves, our marriage and what we want for the future — Our future together.

For the first time in a long time, we’ve had the opportunity to appreciate each other and what we have — Not materially. But, in terms of our health, our physical and mental wellbeing, emotionally and physically.

None of it was planned, of course, but the process has been incredibly beneficial and extremely cathartic for both of us, individually, and as a couple.

It’s given us a greater sense of awareness, appreciation and wellbeing.

This was highlighted when my wife wrote the most moving words she’s ever written to me in an anniversary card she left on my desk in my home office.

She’d secretly, and somewhat hastily, purchased the card at arm’s length from a gloved and masked shop assistant operating behind a plastic screen and visor.

Amidst all the unfamiliarity of the distancing regulations, she’d inadvertently purchased a Christmas card which merely added to the sincerity and honesty of her words and feelings.

We talked about it. She said she’d had the time to express how she really felt and thought it was important to do so.

As we emerge from lockdown, while so many have suffered physically, financially and mentally during the COVID-19 outbreak and continue to do so, we’ve been in our own bubble and cocooned from the worst of it. From most of it.

I feel a huge sense of guilt because so many people have felt the full brunt of the pandemic and lost loved ones, careers and businesses.

Yet, the lockdown has given us an opportunity to get to know each other again. To re-connect and spend quality time together and appreciate everything we have.

We’re fortunate to live in a lovely Victorian house with a small garden in the Cotswolds surrounded by beautiful countryside walks.

In a strange irony, coronavirus has served to reinforce just how lucky we are.

Having worked entirely remotely from home during the early mornings throughout lockdown, the rest of the day has been ours to enjoy.

I haven’t driven my car for nearly four months.

No commuting or business meetings to attend or wrestling with our overburdened rail network to meet clients or suppliers.

We’ve had time to sit outside and enjoy the beautiful spring and early summer sunshine together and explore activities we’ve never had proper time for together.

In the past, everything seemed rushed with another deadline always looming.

So much has changed in so many ways.

I’ve cobbled together a small home gym. With the assistance of a great local personal trainer, we’ve created several different core and cardio work-outs to supplement my cycling twice a week.

My wife and I practice yoga which has become something of a ritual every morning with the impressive Down Dog app which includes a free trial for beginners. We’ve just graduated to intermediate level having grappled with the basics.

I freely admit, I was a bit of a sceptic. My ageing, battered, body is not that flexible these days, but I’ve been won over and am now a convert. I thoroughly recommend it.

We’ve read every day. I’ve never read as much in my life. Books that have been sitting on my shelves gathering dust for years.

My wife has been devouring paperback after paperback. She’s an avid reader. Not content with her monthly book club selection, she’s now reading a second and third book within the month.

I’ve even taken the plunge with Medium and parted with the annual subscription for a 12-month trial.

While a lot of mediocre material resides on the platform, you don’t have to delve too deeply to discover an abundance of original and thought-provoking articles from some talented and inspiring writers. There’s lots to learn.

We’ve baked, carried out decorating and DIY projects and re-discovered gardening.

We’ve been growing everything from plants and flowers to fruit and vegetables. Within our small veggie patch we’ve cultivated French beans, sweet peas, tomatoes and courgettes from seedlings.

My wife is truly gifted with green fingers and can grow anything, it seems.

The other evening while watering, I discovered a solitary and extremely sturdy cannabis plant competing for the sunlight in the middle of the tomatoes. Like I said, her sense of humour works on various levels.

We’ve been cycling together, walked through delightful woods enjoying the wild flowers and butterflies, ventured out for picnics and become quite adept at boules and hoops. We’ve even been paddle boarding on the Thames.

We’ve listened to music and started a virtual Monday evening film club with a couple of good neighbours just up the road. For the record, an uplifting low budget British television film, Marvellous, featuring Toby Jones as Neil Baldwin, currently occupies top spot.

I’ve transformed my dumping ground of a garage into a spacious workshop and now have the time to organise my tools properly and carry out some of those little jobs and repairs that have been quietly accumulating over the past two decades.

We’ve been living a very different sort of life.

Much slower. Much simpler. And, frankly, much better.

For us, it’s been blissful, I’m almost ashamed to say.

It’s brought us much closer together. And, I’ve loved every minute of it.

Life isn’t going to be the same as it was before the pandemic re-shaped our normal.

It’s helped both of us value life far more than we ever have before and to be even more grateful for it.

It’s also helped me appreciate my wife far more and love her more than I’ve ever loved her before.

With whatever time we have left, we have no intention of returning to what was our normal.

I’ve already asked my wife if I can spend the next 30 years with her.

She said she’ll get back to me…