No One Told Me That Peri-Menopause Would Be Worse Than Menopause

Navigating the perils of peri-menopause

All of my adult life I was tortured by severe migraine attacks.

Many of them were brought on and worsened by hormonal swings and changes. I could count on regular monthly attacks— almost like clockwork — and when I was pregnant and nursing my babies they were out of control.

Just wait until menopause, the doctors kept telling me. They will go away. My sister and my mother assured me of the same thing.

Menopause isn’t usually something women look forward to.

In my case, it has been liberating. The doctors and my family members were right: migraines have practically ceased, and if they do strike now, they’re nothing more than an annoying headache that an Excedrin Migraine dissolves. Between menopause and identifying food triggers, I’ve been migraine free, and I haven’t filled my migraine prescription in years.

But getting here was not easy.

Peri-menopause, the part of menopause that not too many people seem to talk about, was brutal. My gynecologist acknowledged it and said it was like being a teen again — hormones all over the place with nowhere to land.

Her advice during perimenopause was this: Don’t wear white pants. Hang on for the change. Or I could opt for a complete hysterectomy and put my body immediately into menopause. Ahem — really? I needed a bit more help than that!

What I needed was practical advice and reassurance that I wasn’t losing my mind.

While menopause has restored my energy, perimenopause destroyed it.

I now fall asleep easily, sleep soundly as long as my bladder lets me, and awake refreshed. During perimenopause, I hardly slept at all. Hours of lying awake, anxiously worrying about the early dawn that would mean the start of another exhausting day.

All of this added to the stress I was already dealing with in my late 40s and early 50s. Perimenopause strikes when we’re still in the prime of our lives and that sandwich time when we may still be caring for young children and having to start caring for our elderly parents. Most of us have full plates with jobs and family responsibilities.

Perimenopause just stoked the flames of an already stress-filled life until I thought I was losing it — or having that “nervous breakdown” my family had whispered about my mom having when I was a child.

It all made sense now: the crazy-eye look, the frazzled emotions, the short temper and messy hair — my mother wasn’t crazy or mean, the poor woman was dealing with a small child (me), teenage drama, an absent husband and father, and perimenopause!

The changes came unannounced.

While perimenopause was raging, I watched my waistline expand and my belly bloat. To be fair, some of that was due to stress and gluten intolerance, but perimenopause is the fairy of expanding waistlines no matter how well we eat or how often we attend Zumba classes.

In fact, those workouts were backfiring on me.

The mood swings which resulted in stress eating and the carb cravings were only exacerbated by my attempts at calorie burning. I didn’t know then that the standard exercise more and eat less protocol was a recipe for disaster during these changing times.

Everything I thought I knew about my body seemed to be upended.

All my tricks to maintain my weight and my sanity were backfiring. I cried a lot, slept very little, and had no idea that all of this was not my fault. Now that I am on the other side of things, my belly’s gone, I can control my weight better, and mood swings are a distant memory.

What I wish someone would have told me about perimenopause:

This is the time for self-care. Stress is always the enemy, but at this stage in life, you’ll need to be your own advocate. I know it’s hard with a career and family obligations but if you don’t speak up for yourself who will?

You need talking points for your family. Your spouse and children have no clue what you are going through so you’ll need to explain things to them in ways they will understand. I wish my doctor had offered a support group, a pamphlet, a class on understanding the changes I was going through, and some talking points.

Here are some websites that offer support:

Balance Menopause Health and Her Support networks for menopausal women

It’s okay to ask for help. Too many of us act as if the world will collapse if we are not in control of every life event in our family and every project at work. Honestly, this is unhealthy in the best of times. During this shaky stage of a woman’s life, it’s essential that you ask for help.

This doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human. Talk to friends or a therapist if you need support.

Adopt a healthy (or healthier) lifestyle. For me, my health fell by the wayside during this season and I felt it. Exhaustion, thinning hair, weight gain, disrupted sleep, edginess, and irritability (and did I mention raging migraines?) made every day feel like I went 13 rounds with Mike Tyson.

Fight stress eating and cravings by staying hydrated, eating fresh foods, sticking to meal routines, avoiding added salts and sugars, and keeping an eye out for food sensitivities. I didn’t realize it at the time, but certain high-histamine foods like chocolate and eggs were contributing to my problems.

Also, make sure you get enough sleep and seek out solutions to disrupted sleep. Essential oils such as lavender and chamomile have been a lifesaver for me.

During a phase of life where you may not have much control over what’s happening inside your body, target the things you can control. Knowing there are things you have some say over will support your mental and emotional well-being.

Most importantly, remember that what you are going through is a result of changing hormones. Every woman’s experience during perimenopause is unique, so it’s essential to tailor your approach to your specific needs and symptoms. If you have any concerns or severe symptoms, don’t hesitate to consult your healthcare provider for guidance and support.

Mary Gallagher writes about how letting go has opened up a rich world of possibilities while creating a simple, stress-free life at Pick More Daisies.