No Man Is an Island

Talk and connect to the next person

It happens to me very often.

I was traveling from Kochi to Ernakulam, sitting on a window-seat of a bus. It started moving gently, dissecting the breeze all around. It was mid-day, and the sun was there to shine. I knew nearly nothing about my destination as it was the first time traveling to the southern part of India.

After a few minutes, it stopped on a stoppage, and a few people got on the bus. I saw them talking and laughing with each other. I turned around — a girl was sitting in a pensive-mood while the wind was playing with her long hair. At that very moment, I felt so helpless. Why?

It happens to me many a time without any notice, sometimes while I walk through the street and look at the faces I encounter — sometimes while sitting in a meeting at the office.

Seeing people all around, I start to feel so lonely thinking that — all these people have an entirely different life; spouse, children, childhood, experience, work, home, routine, future, career, hope, distress, and problems. But I have no connection with them and not even any clue what they are thinking right now.

Yes, I can observe from the outside. I can see the face, expression, laughter, sadness, promptness, beauty, and anger. But that’s it — I can’t (no one can) read their minds and know their real-time thoughts.

When this moment comes, every time, I start to think that every human being is an island or a world, to be specific. And I am a world too, and sadly, the limitation is — no two worlds mix up or replace their position.

I console myself by saying, life is a mystery, and I can’t solve it.

Life Is a Mystery

Everyone says life is hard. But life cannot turn into something hard or smooth. It’s an abstract idea, and we make it as we want it to become. Life is just life — mysterious with its turns and events. It’s YOU who makes it hard or smooth.

There’s only one truth about it that life is insignificant, fragile, and has no absolute meaning. You can give it the color as you wish.

I know this is hard for you to believe like that. Trust me, life can be easy if you keep a mind of an observer, but it can be devastating if you involve too much and expect something in return.

I know it’s a tough mindset to cultivate. But the good news is — it’s achievable if you don’t overthink anything.

Overthinking Is Killing You

Think about it. The countdown began when you were born. You will be dead and forgotten soon. It’s obvious, and no living being can deny that. We all are heading towards our end. And it’s completely okay.

When you are aware that your time is limited, why not live a stunning life, ignoring all the future-thoughts of becoming something? It will give you the freedom to choose your happiness in the present moments.

Again, I know it’s tough for you to think like that because you overthink and weigh everything down. You unnecessarily join a competition with your neighbors, colleagues, bosses, — with your role models, heroes, and else to prove yourself.

You have no one to prove — your life is yours. Your happiness is yours. And this is how it should be.

A billionaire can find his happiness flying on his private jet with an army of security — when you can feel the same sitting on a riverbank, seeing the glow of the sun reflecting on the water right before the dark.

The problem is you always think what others have achieved could make your life exciting too.

You never think that you don’t know everything about successful people you see on the media. Yes, they have money and fame, no doubt. But you don’t know how much loads they carry in their minds — how they feel — how lonely they are — how devastated they feel at night — what exactly happens in their bedrooms — how many sleeping pills they take to shut their eyes — why their partners divorce?

You see outside and quickly judge that they are the happiest people alive, and you want exactly that. You lack money and fame and consider that achieving these two will bring joy to your life.

You read articles about billionaires and wish to become one. You search for tips and tricks to become them (not YOU). You secretly keep a mindset to prove to everyone that you are SOMETHING, and everyone should respect and value you. Deep inside, you think you are the unique one, and the world would one day sing your admiration. You ruin your present and work so hard for that unknown-unlikely future.

Dear friend, don’t trap your mind with all that future-things.

Don’t lose the capacity to become happy in this present moment with simple things life offers. And please, stop considering you as a unique person.

You’re Not Unique

No one is unique, and no man is an island. Yes, of course, you have something different from other people. You are you because you have different parents, childhood, and life experiences that shaped your personality.

But don’t even think that you are the unique one and the rest of them are just random people. In that sense, only mad persons are the unique-ones as they don’t match with others and therefore don’t fit in society.

You’re not mad. You’re a human being with some common emotions; happiness, sadness, anger, fear, loneliness, jealousy, disgust, and more.

Accept it — you’re no exception. You’re just another human being. And it’s completely okay. There is nothing wrong with being a common man.

When you seek money and fame — and you get it, your life does not become uncommon or unique. It just becomes more complex.

You think the grass is greener on the other side, but the reality can be entirely different.

What Ails You?

Maybe you are not earning enough — people are rejecting you — friends are not welcoming your presence — your loved one left for another person — you are a victim of childhood abuse — your parents divorced — and you endured much hardship in life.

Maybe life hits you hard. And you cannot take it anymore. Trust me, as you’re not the unique one, you are not alone.

Look around you. What can you see?

People. See them closely. Observe their faces.

They all are carrying their scars — no one has a perfect life — no matter how happy they look from outside.

So, please stop asking- ‘why me?

It’s not just you — it’s everyone around you. There is nothing called absolute happiness anywhere. You only experience happiness when you compare it to your scars.

Why not take pride in your wounds, and connect to the next person?

Connecting to the Next Person

I was an introvert in my school and college life. I had a few friends, a few books, and a lot of thoughts. That’s all I had, and I was okay.

With time, I observed that I need to know others — I need to get out of my cocoon and fly towards the sky.

The very people who live around us — I must try to dive into their minds to figure out what they think — how they are living their life — what is their struggles, and how they deal with it.

This curiosity inspired me because no matter how I try, I cannot know everyone. So I started trying to explore at least a few life around me.

I left my introvert-self as a snake leaves its skin. I started talking to the next person and listening to him/her with genuine curiosity. Thus, I made friends with people who have seen too much in life. They enriched and continue to impress me with their thoughts and experiences.

Through talking, I dive in and start finding the gems hidden inside the person next to me. I try to put on his/her shoes and live a different life in my imagination.

Because I believe no man is an island, and we are all connected through our emotions.

Final Thoughts

Don’t live in a fake bubble. Free yourself. Allow people to make your life exciting. Make friends.

Before death comes, know, and live as much as you can.

No man is an island entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;

~ John Donne

Thank you for reading.

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