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Abstract

y to mingle and show my usual cheerful self to people.I had to rearrange meetings because I couldn’t put myself together after her death.The pain of her not being in my life is enormous. It’s been weeks now…even though I am still grieving, I can walk by her small memorial place in the living room without tears coming to my eyes.<h1 id="cd17">The new norm</h1>I don’t know who I am without my dog. I know who I am not…<ul><li>I’m not a dog owner anymore.</li><li>I’m not a person who walks in the park multiple times a day.</li><li>I’m not a person who wakes up early every morning to give medication to a dog.</li><li>I’m not a person who goes for long walks and exercises with a dog.</li><li>I’m not a person who enjoys a book in a park while my dog is happily sniffing around.</li><li>I’m not a person who smiles without reason just because of seeing my dog’s face.</li><li>I’m not a person who just goes for a car ride because my dog loves it so much.</li><li>I’m not a person anymore who only goes to pet-friendly restaurants and hotels.</li></ul>I didn’t just lose my dog. I lost aspects of my identity. She was part of my life for over 11 years. All of a sudden, I lost my routine. Because now, I’m a person with no dog. I lost my best buddy.When my dog died, my home became soulless. My home became a house with no Mango in it.

Options

So no, I didn’t just lose my dog.<h1 id="b598">The other dog</h1>Some people advised me to get another dog in the hope that the other one might offset the current pain & void. I’m sure they all had their best intention at heart, but it was just the wrong advice for me.Am I ready for another dog?I am absolutely not.I had many pets in the past, but Mango was special.Mango was an empath. She sensed when I was feeling low. She didn’t pull her leash when I was recovering from injuries. She comforted me when I needed it with her cute little nose tucks. She just knew, like no other person knew.I’m sure I’ll love another dog again. But I don’t know when.She was the best little thing in my life for over a decade. I’ll miss her so much like I miss no one else.<h1 id="8992">It wasn’t just a dog</h1>She was routine.She was exercise.She was a daily task.She was antidepressant.She was therapy.She was challenge.She was identity.She was the most fun.She was love.The pain of Mango’s death comes in waves. I feel writing about it helps me grieve, helps me digest the loss. I hope it helps others as well.</article></body>

No, It Was Not Just a Dog

Identity crisis after losing my dog

Mango (Cavalier King Charles Spaniel) the globetrotter — picture by Niki Tisza

I lost my dog, Mango.

I was heartbroken.

She was not just a dog.

She was love.

Pet love is real love

Losing a pet is as painful as losing someone we love. I know because both happened to me. But,

Why do I still feel embarrassed talking about the death of my beloved pet?
Why does society treat losing a pet with a lack of empathy?
Am I conditioned by society to carry on as if nothing happened?
Why taking bereavement days after losing a pet isn’t acceptable?
Why do I feel the need to justify and explain my pain to people?
Why does society belittle loving & losing a pet?
Why are there no support groups for people grieving pets?

I couldn’t just pretend her passing didn’t happen. I don’t care if people don’t understand my attachment to her. Because one thing I know about love is that love is irrational.

I cancelled events because I was grieving.

I wasn’t ready to mingle and show my usual cheerful self to people.

I had to rearrange meetings because I couldn’t put myself together after her death.

The pain of her not being in my life is enormous. It’s been weeks now…even though I am still grieving, I can walk by her small memorial place in the living room without tears coming to my eyes.

The new norm

I don’t know who I am without my dog. I know who I am not…

I’m not a dog owner anymore.
I’m not a person who walks in the park multiple times a day.
I’m not a person who wakes up early every morning to give medication to a dog.
I’m not a person who goes for long walks and exercises with a dog.
I’m not a person who enjoys a book in a park while my dog is happily sniffing around.
I’m not a person who smiles without reason just because of seeing my dog’s face.
I’m not a person who just goes for a car ride because my dog loves it so much.
I’m not a person anymore who only goes to pet-friendly restaurants and hotels.

I didn’t just lose my dog. I lost aspects of my identity. She was part of my life for over 11 years. All of a sudden, I lost my routine. Because now, I’m a person with no dog. I lost my best buddy.

When my dog died, my home became soulless. My home became a house with no Mango in it. So no, I didn’t just lose my dog.

The other dog

Some people advised me to get another dog in the hope that the other one might offset the current pain & void. I’m sure they all had their best intention at heart, but it was just the wrong advice for me.

Am I ready for another dog?

I am absolutely not.

I had many pets in the past, but Mango was special.

Mango was an empath. She sensed when I was feeling low. She didn’t pull her leash when I was recovering from injuries. She comforted me when I needed it with her cute little nose tucks. She just knew, like no other person knew.

I’m sure I’ll love another dog again. But I don’t know when.

She was the best little thing in my life for over a decade. I’ll miss her so much like I miss no one else.

It wasn’t just a dog

She was routine.

She was exercise.

She was a daily task.

She was antidepressant.

She was therapy.

She was challenge.

She was identity.

She was the most fun.

She was love.

The pain of Mango’s death comes in waves. I feel writing about it helps me grieve, helps me digest the loss. I hope it helps others as well.