No, I Don’t Want to Date My Ex-Step-Sister

Have you ever tried online dating in a small, rural town? I don’t recommend it.

I first joined OkCupid something like 13 years ago, back when it still had forums and quizzes and usernames; back then, I was mostly there for the quizzes. I’ve deactivated and reactivated my account so many times over the years that I’ve lost count. Usually, I leave because I’m sick of seeing the same faces over and over and over again, but, against my better judgment, I somehow always find my way back.

I haven’t had much luck dating (online or off), for a plethora of reasons I know and probably some I don’t. Part of the problem is that I’m admittedly picky when it comes to the kinds of people I want to date, and those people are few and far between in this tiny coal-mining town in central Illinois.

Hunting is one of the primary pastimes around here, and being staunchly anti-gun isn’t a stance held or appreciated by many — and that’s just one way I stand out. I belong somewhere a little more diverse and open-minded, but, at least for now, I’m here, in the same town where I grew up, where it’s tough to find the kind of people I want to date and even tougher to find people I want to date who also want to date someone like me.

With that in mind, it should come as no surprise that I ventured online, in hopes of finding people other than those I see routinely. I’ve tried Yahoo Personals, Tinder, Bumble, HER, and who knows how many others over the years. Unfortunately, online dating hasn’t served me much better, in part because it’s still the same people — or, at least, largely the same kind of people — unless I substantially expand the search radius to distances that are impractical.

Many of the apps recommend potential matches. Those matches have included, among many others, one of my cousins, my best friend’s ex-boyfriend, and several guys I went to high school with, including one who is now another friend’s boyfriend/baby daddy (that was back before they were together, though). Never any of my high school crushes, though I can’t quite decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

And then there’s HER, which is an app for women only. Several months ago, after beginning to come out as bisexual, I downloaded it and set up a profile. It sounded great in theory, until I discovered that literally the only other user in about a five-mile radius was my former step-sister, who is seven years younger than me.

I’ve never deleted an app so quickly.