No Guilt Allowed in Being Selfish

Your Mental Health Matters, too!

Nobody likes being called a selfish brat.

You don’t have to be a brat, but you do have to be selfish.

It’s necessary for your mental health.

I would feel anxious and guilty if I was taking time to do something self-serving. I didn’t realize that by ignoring my needs I was actually devaluing myself. This would create a cycle that would lead to even lower self-esteem.

Why is there guilt associated with self-care or self-love?

When I was married, my husband would become quite frustrated by a response I frequently used.

He would say things like, “Well, now you’re making me feel guilty.”

My response, though quite knee-jerk initially, stuck with me because it made total sense.

“I can’t make you feel guilty. Guilt comes from within.”

Holy moly, do you hear that? Yea, he did, too. If I had to pick one game-changing statement I ever made, it would be that one.

Think about it.

Things can certainly be said or done that may, indeed, cause feelings of guilt.

But no one can force anyone else to actually feel guilty.

It truly does come from within ourselves.

If you have zero ownership in a situation that someone is trying to make you feel guilty for, you aren’t guilty. If you feel guilty, it’s your responsibility to undo that.

Remember that and apply it to self-care and your mental health.

There is no need to feel guilt, embarrassment, or shame in taking care of ourselves. We have to at some point even if we delay it until it teeters close to ‘almost too late.’ Getting close to the edge is avoidable, however.

Like everything else in life, balance is the key.

If we always put ourselves first, we will most likely leave this world alone.

If we never put ourselves first, we very well may suffer the same fate.

I had lost my balance in this area of putting myself first. I was on a road of tending to everyone else’s needs. For years, I ignored what I wanted or even needed, more often than not.

I would usually defer to others’ wishes even if wasn’t on my long list of desires. A lot of what I did for others I absolutely wouldn’t change. I loved taking care of my family and still do.

My favorite thing to do was anticipate their need before they even knew they needed them.

My heart was filled with love and I was truly blessed to be given the role of Mom to three kids. Kids grow up, though. I had created a pattern that I didn’t realize how hard it would be to shift gears. I forgot to balance.

When this pattern of putting yourself last, self-created or not, continues for too long it changes who you are. It can have a negative impact.

This was me. I was feeling invisible.

I was invisible.

I had no one to blame but myself.

Saying ‘no’ was hard and I never wanted to hurt someone’s feelings or leave them disappointed in me. I’d get uncomfortable if there was even a hint that I may have caused any inconvenience.

This resulted in being depleted in too many areas at one time. I craved emotional wellness. I needed to help me ~ only I could be responsible for re-incorporating putting myself first enough to achieve a healthy balance.

Don’t feel guilty for being selfish.

Balance, balance, balance.

It’s never okay, in my mind, to lose balance and let selfishness be your driving force. It should never be ‘all about you.’ You don’t need to apologize for the times when you must be selfish for your mental health.

It’s okay to be unavailable at times, it’s okay to say ‘No.’ We can feel like we need to justify, explain, and apologize for looking after ourselves. Why?

This is self-imposed guilt, coming from within.

It’s okay to replenish yourself first.

It’s necessary.

We deserve mental health recharges, a selfish few minutes or a selfish few hours.

Get Fresh Air

“Diaphragmatic breathing has a ton of benefits. It’s at the center of the practice of meditation, which is known to help manage the symptoms of conditions as wide-ranging as irritable bowel syndromeTrusted Source, depression and anxiety, and sleeplessness.” Healthline

Get a Good Night Sleep

“Mental health issues, such as depression, are strongly linked to poor sleep quality and sleeping disorders.” Healthline

Get Some Sun

“Exposure to sunlight is thought to increase the brain’s release of a hormone called serotonin. Serotonin is associated with boosting mood and helping a person feel calm and focused.” Healthline

Take a Time-Out

“We all need alone time sometimes, and some people need more than others. Social interactions can be exhausting for some people. There’s no shame in taking time for yourself.” Healthline

Carve out time each day to accomplish something for you. Self-love, self-care, on your time and just for you, builds confidence, reduces anxiety, and makes you better able to continue helping others.

We shouldn’t feel guilty. We owe no apologies.

No life rule requires you to even explain it to anyone, ever.

It’s okay to find what works for you, for your wellness, and make it happen. You need it, you deserve it and you are the only one to ensure that you get it.

It’s okay to be selfish.

No guilt allowed.

Upgrade your free Medium membership to a paid one here and for just $5/month you’ll receive unlimited, ad-free, stories from thousands of writers on a wide variety of publications. This is an affiliate link and a portion of your membership goes to support my endeavors. Many thanks!

• Author’s Note: This article was modified from a blog originally posted on the author’s website.