I LIKE BIG BUTTS

No, Granny Mary, I Will Not Give Up My Dream Of Ass For Everyone

I will not ignore the needy

Dear Granny Mary,

First, thank you for taking my question. I hope this note finds you doing well in the spirit world.

I know you are dead and wise — and dead. I appreciate that you picked my question of the thousands that you received. My question was:

“Dear Granny Mary: Many women are getting Brazilian Butt Lifts — BBLs — to increase their butt sizes. How do I volunteer to donate some of my sweet behind to others? I have enough to help two other people. — Amply Generous”

Your answer was well thought out, sincere, and on point. Your response made sense. Following your advice would make my life easier, so I will do the opposite of what you have suggested. Donating ass fat is what I was born to do. I cannot resist the call of the ample derriere. I’ve got to be me. Who else can I be? My life has led me to this point.

I have always been passionate about Ass ever since I went to high school swim class and noted that some girls did not have a floatation device in the back. While my powerful legs and float easily propelled me across the pool. The other girls demonstrated their splashing, gulping, and pool water drinking abilities but little propulsion down the pool.

Then, as we got older, I noted that while I could sit multiple drinks on the extension of my cheeks. Some women could perch nothing on their backsides. How did they carry drinks for their family or close the door on their refrigerators? I could balance three drinks on my duff and carry two each in my hand. My keister allowed me to transport a round of drinks in one trip. My friends and I were drinking our second round while others were still trying to get their glasses to the table.

Last, as we sought mates for life, my humongous bottom was a beacon of light attracting men to me the way a porch light attracts moths. There were nights when my posterior shined so brightly I had to sneak out the back of the club to prevent a daisy chain of men from trying to follow me home.

Opportunity knocks but once. I plan to start an Ass fat farm. Since I wrote to you seeking your advice, I have gained enough weight to provide three people with a comfortable amount of Ass fat and still be a showstopper. What if I could locate others with the same capabilities I have? I don’t plan to stop by providing tush to people in my immediate area.

One of the things you pointed out was how experienced my butt is. You are so right. It is the experience that will serve new butt fat holders well. The experience makes the Ass fat more valuable. Granny, once you have a big butt, what do you do with it? If you have never had a big one, you have no idea. As part of my portfolio, I will require “Big Ass Training” to teach my people how to handle that thang correctly.

An untrained enormous ba-dunk-a-dunk could cause destruction no matter the wearer’s experience with smaller bottoms. Without adequate training, swinging a large ass on a busy street could cause car crashes, pedestrians to walk into light poles, and babies to go blind. Owning a fat Ass will be easier to handle if new owners are trained before taking their acquired Ass-sets out in public.

My plan is not just to selfishly help my community. I plan to open Ass fat franchises all over the world. My “Butt Enough Clubs” will be high-quality customer-oriented fat-gaining spas for women and men. I dream that anyone who is Ass lacking would have the opportunity to upgrade their fanny with high-quality ass fat. Anyone with ample Ass can apply to own a franchise. I will serve both the ample and the small. One day I hope to have thousands of Ass Fat branches worldwide. Equal Ass for all.

Granny, let me know if you need more Ass. I think my fat transfer technique could work for ghosts. I offer you a discount. Let me know because I’ll need to séance for a spirit with excess booty ectoplasm.

Sincerely,

Amply Generous

Thanks to Gary Chapin for allowing Granny Mary to answer my question.

Thanks Rachael Ann Sand for always being on point.

Toni Crowe retired as the Vice President of Operations to pursue her dream of being a writer. Toni has written six books, two of which won the 2019 Reader’s Choice Gold Awards. Her bestselling business book, “Bullets and Bosses Don’t Have Friends: How Do You Manage A Man Sitting With His Dick in His Hand?”

was one of the winners. Her first book, “Never a $7 Whore” was the other.

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