Distributed to #SELF

No Good Deed Is Insignificant In Violent Times

Every single sliver of light and love counts right now no matter how small it feels.

“It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

I’d like to change the world.

I’d like to have all the power in the universe to change hearts and minds and make everything everywhere, okay. I’d like to topple corrupt governments, give health care and peace to all and feed the world. But I’m just one person, and I get overwhelmed when I think about it all.

In fact, I started writing two different pieces about Donald Trump this morning.

In one, I likened him to a psychic boil bringing all of society’s poison to the surface. In the other, he’s the addicted child, the symptom, not the cause of the family’s dysfunction. But as soon as I got into the meat of both pieces, I got lost.

It was too much, and I began to flounder in a sea of thought and emotion.

I can’t even process what’s happened to George Floyd, his family and community. It’s so wrong and evil, it triggers my own trauma, leaving me feeling paralyzed and hopeless.

So I stepped back and wrote a piece on being a good housemate.

And why not?

I figured if I can’t contribute something earth-shatteringly meaningful, why not just try to be helpful to as many people as I can.

It’s an approach I’ve adopted in life as well as in writing.

I used to look at my job as a home daycare provider as inconsequential. Something I’m good at, that I do for money but doesn’t really do much for the state of the world. After all, I work in my home and I’m no corporate giant or politician.

Does what I do even matter, was a question I often asked myself.

That was until I had a child come to me with serious issues. She was a toddler who’d been in a questionable situation in her former daycare. The mother suspected neglect bordering on abuse.

The child came to me endlessly crying, wandering around in a daze. She wasn’t even lucid enough to engage with the toys. I worked with her day after day and then one day, something miraculous happened. She stopped crying and looked around and realized she was safe.

I facilitated the day she started living.

Over the years, I’ve accepted many more children into my home with issues that get them kicked out of other daycares- screaming, biting, antisocial behavior.

My system stabilizes them.

I’ve taken these children and given them the environment they need to come into their own and go forward.

The children I work with will never know what I’ve done for them. The parents will never know how hard I’ve worked. But to me, that child’s life is worth saving. Even if the work that goes into these “magical” transformations goes unseen, every time.

I’ve come to accept that although my contribution to the world might be small, it is important. For every child I send to kindergarten properly socialized, there are a few less people struggling.

The parents can breathe easier, the teachers can relax a bit and the child will have a better life because they can cope.

It was based on these experiences that I started writing in earnest. I wanted to share with parents what they need to know so they can set their own kids up for success.

I wrote a book hoping that I could share what I’ve learned, and then I started writing on medium.

I wrote some parenting articles that went largely unread. Then, I started writing about my life and what I’ve learned along the way about relationships. I’ve also tried my hand at some personally revealing pieces.

But the articles that get the best response are my little tips and approaches for living a little better and being a little nicer.

I was surprised and slightly depressed about this at first. I felt like everything I had to say was so trivial.

But I’ve come to understand that sometimes small changes can cause big ripples. Some of us are meant to make small ripples, and that’s okay.

Now I realize if I can stop the friction between even two people, create a better bond, and a little more love, I’ve done a good thing. I’ve put my own love and light out into the world, and I’ve made a mark. No matter how small.

If I’ve given a few minutes of relief, a pleasant feel-good time out, to someone, that’s good.

Maybe I can’t solve that person’s problems, but I can give them a moment of peace to take their mind off things. Possibly at that moment, they’ll be able to re-group and carry on a little better. If I do that, I’ve accomplished something.

I’ve realized the deep, hard stuff might not be in my wheelhouse.

I can think about it, but I can’t process it in a way that allows me to write coherently about it, and I’m going to have to be okay with that.

Other people do that much better than me. So I’ll read and learn from them keeping those big lessons in my heart as I try to write something meaningful.

You can’t build a house with paper, but you can paper the walls to make it beautiful and comfortable.

Strength and comfort both have their place, if I can’t provide strength, I will give comfort.

Sometimes we feel small. Insignificant.

We think we need to change the world in big ways to change it at all.

But I’m convinced that every single positive transformation is necessary and no good deed known or unknown is wasted in the ether.

I believe we all need to shine right now.

Whether your light is a floodlight or a flashlight, it doesn’t matter. We’re all significant, and a thousand flashlights can light up the night as well as any floodlight.

So shine your light no matter how small you think it is.

No small act of kindness, no tiny bit of decency, no infinitesimal amount of reparation is too small to matter at this point. Right here, right now, every single sliver of light and love is essential no matter how small it feels.

“Know that darkness is merely the absence of light. You can be the small candle that defeats the vast darkness.” — Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Thanks for reading!

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