No Apologies. I Want It All!

Is there post-pandemic greed we all crave?

It’s been a year since I went into lockdown. I get it. I get the need to stop the spread and believe in doing my part, but I am two vaccines down now and feeling a bit bulletproof, and I realize now I want it all.

I want to go into a restaurant and spend time enjoying the meal.

I want to meet friends at lunch and catch up and laugh.

I want to be mask-free and be able to breathe again whenever I am walking through a mall. Yes, I want to go window shopping, and real shopping where I can browse and not just run in and out for what I absolutely need.

I want to enjoy a sporting event and root for my favorites teams with all the fans.

Maybe if you feel like me, you want some of this as well, or all of it.

The church services where everyone sings, LIVE!

The live concerts and the food trucks.

Things I took for granted and really miss.

Sauntering through an antique store, sitting down and writing a blog post in a coffee shop, visiting a friend in the hospital, having friends over for game night.

How easy it is to take for granted what we thought we’d always have; freedom, options, choices, vacations, parties, and reunions.

I realized just this past week as I sat with colleagues, all fully vaccinated and enjoying a picnic lunch outside sans masks, how wonderful the feeling was to be conversing closer and being able to see someone’s expression.

Yes, there are good habits we have all learned during this lockdown. Perhaps we all needed a lesson in better hygiene and more awareness of how easy it is to spread germs but I think the biggest realization was how much we anticipated our world could never change.

And then it did.

There were so many things I just never valued as much until they became impossible to experience; the ease of walking into a grocery store and finding all the items you needed, the joy of attending a conference with like-minded participants, brushing the hair of my aunt in a nursing home, dinner, and a movie out on date night with my husband.

Before the Pandemic, I simply expected that what I had going on would always be going on.

Did you as well?

Did you realize your routine was so comfortable and predictable that you never realized how blessed you were to be part of it?

Perhaps life is like that all the time.

When things are going well, we don’t really stop to feel grateful or blessed.

Perhaps it is a bit like never knowing true hunger if you always know where your next meal is coming from.

A recent article in Accenture explains how COVID-19 has affected Human Behavior and I have to wonder if maybe my world at least needed to be rocked enough to give me a new sense of awareness.

I hardly imagine I will ever take another live worship service for granted or even think the next time I turn down the opportunity to go on a trip that I will get that chance again.

How easy it was to expect I would always be able to visit friends and family as much as I wanted to.

I would never have dreamed I would have to be separated from a loved one undergoing a serious medical procedure or even be unable to hold the hand of a friend undergoing a treatment.

I did not see myself as having privileges but rather expecting entitlements and I realize there is a huge difference.

Perception is deceiving when you convince yourself you deserve everything you have or at least have earned it.

I became acutely aware that even my dog’s lives had changed. Instead of joining other dogs at the dog park in the past year, the Pandemic has meant fewer gatherings and more isolated walks.

So many things were just part of daily life, and then they weren’t.

Yes, I do want that all back but perhaps not to the depth or degree I once had it.

I like the long afternoons when my husband and I just sat by the fire and played cards.

I enjoyed the quiet of a city with limited traffic and fewer crowds.

I liked wearing p.j. bottoms on a client consult and not feeling I was missing out on a big New Year’s bash if I chose to spend it at home.

I loved that my car could go for weeks on a single tank of gas and that I could always switch on a virtual background if my office wasn’t as organized as it could have been.

But I do still want it all. I want the slow and easy with the loud and exciting.

What last year has taught me is that what I really missed was “ a choice”.

Choosing between meeting friends or staying in.

Choosing between hosting a dinner party or meeting in a restaurant.

Choosing between karaoke night or listening to music at home.

When choices are eliminated everything changes.

Maybe it is true that choices make us feel powerful.

Certainly this past year, I felt much more powerless and submissive.

A good friend of mine shared that she was starting to become very angry with the fact that the Pandemic was “eating up time” she would never get back and I realized that get to the “soul” of the matter.

Choices let us decide how we spend our time but when those choices become minimalized, we start to become unhappy and resentful that our time is not being appropriated the way we planned.

So while we all may have had a lot more time during COVID, we had fewer choices.

Now, I want choices back. Simple choices like should I buy the 20 roll toilet paper pack or go with the 10 double rolls and harder choices like where to travel or what conference to attend.

I want it all. I had it all or so it seemed and I want it back.

This time however I expect just like how wonderful the lunch with friends without masks and distancing felt, returning to activities I enjoyed will feel a bit like tasting that special homemade dish you only get when you go back to “mom’s”.

There will be a welcoming home moment for seeing our family and friends in person as our circles begin to expand again.

Browsing slowly will feel wonderful.

Seeing people’s facial expressions will be appreciated.

Traveling will be cathartic.

And hugging, don’t even get me started on hugging, I want it all.

This must be what prisoners miss when they are in isolation; being part of humanity, with all its flaws but still belonging.

We’ve all been apart for so long that finally being able to come together bit by bit as we inch our way back to normalcy will be like finding that one piece of the puzzle that finally completes the picture!

I remember my mom telling me how she felt after she had not seen my brother for so many months when he was stationed overseas.

She described the feeling of meeting him at the airport as “Like when you have been imagining something you want for so long and it finally arrives and it’s even better!”

Yes, it will even be better because I know both sides now and I still want it all.

The Pandemic leveled the playing field for all of us, I can only hope I will become a better team player as a result.

How has this past year changed your life? What one thing are you looking forward to?