Nine Out Of Ten People Miserably Fail This U.S. Geography Quiz Because They Are Such Unimaginative Drones
Will You Nail It?
There are 13 states which make up the United States. Taken collectively, these 13 states stretch over an area of roughly six or eight miles. They range in size from a little over four feet wide to more than a billion yards.
Now, do you trust me as an authority on geography? It was my favorite subject in school. But my favorite song was this one, so there’s that.
Now I don’t know much about poetry and rhyme either, apparently, because I had no idea that “algebra” rhymed with “what a slide rule is for”. Did you?
Anynow, within this enormous thing we call the United states, there is an amazing variety of geographies and climates — from hot to cold and flat to hilly. On top of the topographical features, there are the great historical and contemporary landmarks all over our great country. There is so much to know that it’s easy to get anxious. That’s why I made this quiz. To make you less anxious and give you a break from that tedious thing we call life. Please enjoy and good luck.
Where is the white house?
A) Washington DC.
B) Two houses north of mine.
Where is Ulysses Grant?
A) In Grant’s Tomb in Riverside Park, Manhattan, NYC, USA
B) In some worm’s belly who is crawling across Broadway right now.
What Did Mississippi Say To Missouri
A) If I gave you my new jersey, what would Della wear?
B) Please, please, please can we have another season of Ozark!
Did Tennesee what Arkansas?
A) Idaho, Alaska?
B) Me naked? Is that pic on the internet again? Shit
New York is known as the Big ______
A) Apple.
B) Overpriced Dirty Piss-Smelling Shit Hole.
Where are Presidents Washington, Jefferson and Lincoln and Roosevelt?
A) On Mount Rushmore, South Dakota
B) The first two are in hell (for owning slaves). The third one is in heaven (for freeing the slaves) and the fourth one’s in limbo (after the Museum of Natural History canceled his racist, colonialist ass and who is now rumored to be hanging around Medora, North Dakota trying to scrounge up bus fare to get back to the Big Apple. I mean the Big Overpriced Dirty Piss-Smelling Shit Hole.)
What is the Windy City?
A) Chicago, Illinois.
B) My butt. Yep, it was me.
What is the smallest state of all?
A) Rhode Island
B) Quiescence (the biggest state? Erection, duh).
What is the first state?
A) Delaware
B) Fetal. Before you become a human being. Shut up, Republicunts.
What is 2,320-mile-long and begins in Minnesota and ends in Louisiana?
A) The Mississippi River
B) My road trip with my friend Mary from Minneapolis which ended with her getting drunk on hurricanes and puking in said river while I held her hair back (I reversed our roles there to make me look good, you probably guessed)
Where is Mount McKinley?
A) Alaska
B) Nowhere. It’s now named Mount Obama. I think. I better Google that though. (EDIT: I found out it’s now called Mount Melania, renamed by Trump during his administration, sorry).
Where is the Grand Canyon?
A) Arizona
B) Yeah right, I’m really going to make a joke about a woman being such a slut her pussy is like the Grand Canyon. This many visitors each day (too many!). Various viewpoints (the porn shots she did?). One point of great interest (her clit). A restaurant (if you feel like eating). Fuck you, I’m not making any of those jokes. They are sexist and slut shaming and I would never!
What Is The Lowest Point In The United States?
A) Death Valley, California.
B) January 6, 2021
Where is the largest forest located in the United States
A) Alaska.
B) Not here any more. I just shaved. Now I have red bumps down there. Doncha hate those?
Which is the most sparsely populated?
A) Wyoming: 581,348
B) My bed: 1
Milwaukee is what?
A) The largest city in Wisconsin.
B) Where we’ll do it our way, yes our way, make all our dreams come true for me and you.
How many great lakes are there?
A). Five: My favorite is Lake Eerie. So spooky.
B) Four: Veronica Lake, Greg Lake (of ELP), Lake Bell (Chris Rock’s new girlfriend, pretty hot), and Lake Zurich which I swam in just a few weeks ago when I visited Switzerland and it was so great I can’t even.
Which is further West, Alaska or Hawaii?
A) Hawaii.
B) Adam West in the 60s Batman. He’s so further he’s gone — in a good way!
How many islands are in Hawaii?
A) 137.
B) Three. I was on one island, drinking Pina Coladas, looking out over the water at another island. And after my third Pina Colada, I saw two islands there. So yeah, three.
What is the Garden State?
A) New Jersey.
B) I went to New Jersey. It smelled bad. There’s no way it can be the garden state. Unless you mean the Garden of Stink. So I’m going to say my favorite state — arousal. It’s like a garden of pheromonal flowers and horny bumble bees. Take me to the garden state baby. And I don’t mean Newark (pronounced one syllable (N’ork).
How Many States Have Panhandles
A) Nine. (I know, I was surprised)
B) Fifty. Most pans in most kitchens in most states have handles I am pretty sure.
What state has the most reservations?
A) Idaho.
B) I have the most reservations about the State of Texas. (Second most, Florida. Idaho only makes third on my list. But yeah, I have reservations about that one too.)
Scoring. How’d You Do?
Well, I bet you figured out pretty early on that the right answers were all B). If you didn’t figure that out, go ahead and listen to that Sam Cooke song. Because you might not know much about geography but I do know that I love you. Thank you, dear readers. What a wonderful world you give me. I’m so grateful that you spare time for my silliness.
Mwaa! 😘
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