Summary

The article challenges the notion that "Nice Guys Finish Last," arguing that niceness should be complemented by other qualities such as hard work, assertiveness, and genuine kindness without expectation of reward.

Abstract

The piece addresses the popular internet meme that "Nice Guys Always Finish Last," suggesting that this belief is often used as an excuse for failure. It emphasizes that while being nice is valuable, it is not a guarantee of success in all areas of life, such as career advancement or romantic pursuits. The author advises that being nice should be paired with other positive traits like curiosity, humor, and diligence. The article also distinguishes between passive kindness, which may lead to being taken advantage of, and active, assertive kindness, using characters from "Les Misérables" as examples. It concludes by encouraging readers to embrace kindness without expecting something in return and to strive for a balance of qualities to succeed in life.

Opinions

The meme of "Nice Guys Finishing Last" is more of an excuse for failure than a reflection of reality.
Success in various aspects of life requires more than just being nice; it requires hard work, smarts, and the ability to seize opportunities.
Being nice does not automatically entitle one to rewards such as love or career advancement.
There is a distinction between being genuinely kind and being manipulatively nice to get what one wants.
It's important to be assertive and stand up for oneself to avoid being taken advantage of, akin to the character Marius from "Les Misérables."
True kindness is about giving without the expectation of receiving something in return.

Nice Guys Do Not Finish Last

The demystification of the popular internet motto

You probably already witnessed this scene, at least once. A man (a.k.a. guy), frustrated after failing his latest goal, and even worse, lost it to another man, who he judges being less worthy, in every possible way. Generally it involves a woman, a job opportunity or some type of recognition from others. He is devastated, he closes his fists look at the sky and shout “NICE GUYS ALWAYS FINISH LAST!!”

This scene is so iconic it became a meme, with a dedicated sub-reddit only to make fun of the supposedly nice guys. But if you are a nice guy reading this, do not worry, this saying is more an excuse for failure than anything else. There is plenty of ways to avoid being the next nice guy cursing to the skies.

1. Sometimes you will finish last

Doesn’t matter how nice you are, or how good in something you got, sometimes you will finish last. And it is not because you are nice and the other guy is a jerk, more often than not, is despite of that.

Being a jerk don’t get you anywhere, but being kind with others can open many doors for you. Yes, some people may lie and deceive to get what they want, but eventually they get caught. So if you got last, just lift your head and don’t let this make you change yourself for worse.

2. Don’t be just a nice guy

This is pretty obvious, and yet, everyday I am convinced that a lot of people believe that being nice is all it takes. For everything. It’s the answer we seek for all our problems. Well, it is not.

If you want to get the job, you have to work for it, you have to study, you have to be smart to make the most of the opportunities to show your traits. It helps being the most loved person in the office, but that’s just a small part of it. If the jerk of the office got the job, maybe he deserved it.

And please, please, understand that being nice with someone does not oblige him/her to have any love interest in you. Yes, it is important to be a nice and kind person, both genders enjoy having a thoughtful and respectful partner, but seduction is not a vending machine that you insert a certain amount of niceness to get love interest. Sadly, sometimes jerks can be seductive, they transpire confidence, and can manipulate others with shortage of attention. Instead o wanting to be a jerk, try to understand and improve the good traits they have.

Clarifying these two situations, don’t rely in only being a nice guy, or things will not turn well for you. Be nice, but don’t forget to also be curious, funny, hard working…

Marius (left) and the Bishop (right), both from the movie Les Misérables (2012)

3. Be a Marius, not a Bishop

Those who are acquainted with Les Misérables, either by reading Victor Hugo’s classic novel, or by watching one of the many adaptations, have an idea what is the difference between a Marius and a Bishop.

The Bishop Myriel is a character that saves the protagonist Jean Valjean, after he stole the silver from Myriel’s monastery. He emanate kindness, with every act, with every word. But yet he is passive. If you are like him, probably someone will take advantage of you sooner or later. And it is not your fault, I would love to live in a world with more Myriels, but we need to be able to defend ourselves when someone tries to pull a fast on us.

Marius is a young and rich student that wants to free France from misery. He is one of the leaders of a revolutionary movement that intends to take out the king in order to improve the life of the lower classes. He is every bit as kind as the Bishop, his ideals are to benefit his fellow men, not himself, just as the Bishop, but he takes action, and is not afraid to fight for what he believes is right. He is not foolished by others. So, be a Marius, not a Bishop.

4. Maybe you are not a nice guy

If you are nice to people, just to feel you are entitled to something from them, I have news for you, you are not really a nice guy. You are being manipulative. And that’s okay, we are all a little manipulative from now and then, mainly to avoid confrontation. But don’t feel you deserve any praise for your actions, and don’t get frustrated about the jerk who got there first. Being kind and nice is about giving and making the world, even just a small part of it, better. It is not about what you can receive.

To summarize, being nice is a blessing, not a curse, you don’t have to fight it and you will not finish last because of it. Just remember to be a Marius, and you will certainly be fine.