Mature Flâneur
New Zealand’s Funniest Signs
“Please bugger off, now!”
“Niagara Falls (NZ)”: This beguiling sign (above) sits right next to a tiny set of rapids next to the equally tiny village of Niagara in Catlins Park, New Zealand.
No doubt about it, New Zealanders have a unique, quirky sense of humor, as anybody knows who has watched the TV series Flight of the Conchords, about two hapless Kiwi musicians trying to make it big in NYC, or What We Do In the Shadows, about three bachelor flatmates living together in Wellington and learning to get along despite their difference — and they are all vampires.
Kiwi humor is both self-deprecating and sly. Is the joke on them — or is it on you? In the three months I spent in New Zealand, one of the ways this humor was made visible to me was through public signposts. Time and again, I would do a double take, then laugh. Here are some of my favorites:
This wooden sign (below) sits just below an electric fence along a popular hiking route. Hilarious — but hikers should take the warning seriously!
I can’t tell if this “clean up after your dog” graphic (below) is meant to be humorous or not. Is the dog pooping diamonds? Why is the hand picking it up without using a bag?
Outside the Lost Gypsy Gallery, this clever roadside book exchange with the retro artwork (below) is inside a repurposed mini fridge!
Some signs are simple expressions of frustration with misbehaving tourists. Their curmudgeonly bluntness, writ large, still tickles my funny-bone. Two examples:
In the vast wild plains of Lake Tekapo, we drove along a dusty, single lane gravel road until we reached this sign at the last ranch. You could tell one too many hapless tourists got into trouble on this road, and need the rancher to rescue them. Needless to say, we turned around, rather than risk his ire. What amused me most was the politeness…”Please bugger off now.” Classic New Zealander.
Back at the Lost Gypsy — the gallery is inside an old school bus — this sign was posted by the door. A stern warning indeed…but to me it seemed a feeble, plaintive deterrent for passing tourists:
Here’s an overly-empathetic sign in a cafe, including smiley face, intended to save the server from having to deliver the disappointing news to tourists, over and over again. New Zealanders hate to make folks feel bad,. Even when they disagree with you, they do so by saying, “Yeah…Naw.”
Next, here’s a sign that’s not funny at all. Wherever kiwis are present in New Zealand, there are no dogs allowed. I love how some kiwi-lover has scrawled “No Dogs” on the graphic, right next to the “No Dogs Allowed” sign. Let no one miss the point!
A canine simply can’t resist these chicken-sized flightless birds. Kiwi evolved on the islands over thousands of years with no natural predators, and so have no innate fear or wariness. Dogs, cats, rats and other introduced predators have decimated them. Today, their numbers are reviving in special kiwi conservation zones — but overall the population decline continues at about 2% per year.
Finally, here is my favorite sign in all of New Zealand. Can you guess what I did? What would you do?
I was inspired by the “sign posts” of my fellow Globetrotters also who entered in the January Monthly Challenge on signs:
Marie Kester, while hopping around Australia:
Monica Ray, M.Ed, MS, sign-spotting in London:
Of course, my own love of signs is well attested by one of my most popular Medium.com posts of 2022:
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Tim Ward is the author of Mature Flâneur: Slow Travels Through Portugal, France, Italy and Norway.
