PHILOSOPHY & SELF
New Year's Eve
A wealth of possibilities to lighten the load of reality.
I can see the new year in front of me. The potential in 365 never-before-used days is hypnotic. I visualize a sharply made bed. Crisp linens are wrapped inside blankets tucked so tightly that a quarter would bounce high, higher, highest…like a cheerleader from the 1970s on prom night.
“Ready?! OKAY!”
I long to leap headfirst into that vision, springing into a roundoff and then nailing the landing! I really do.
But…life is messy. I am messy.
How do I manage the conflicting priorities in my life? I know I need to lovingly accept myself “as is” but also push myself forward in new territory.
All the good intentions in my head can lead to murky outcomes in real life.
There is a bump in the road of my life, a place where my financial goals and my nutritional aspirations tend to collide. I need to avoid sugar and gluten — to silence joint pain and reduce weight — but I don’t want to waste food.
Today these conflicting aspirations (don’t throw away food vs. don’t eat sugar and wheat) produced a menu of hard salami, fried cheese, white bread, and York peppermint patties. Oy!
There is something so fresh and fantastic about ushering in a brand-new year. I always feel a spark of hope. I sense that, if I try, I can change my life for the better. Every year I feel this. It rises in me like the dawn of a new day even when my heart is broken. Even when I’m alone and miserable.
Even, it turns out, when I stink of hard salami and shame.
I am flawed and single. I am broken in weird places. Many of the awful predictions that my naysayers have made actually came true. But not all.
And…I’m still here.
I’m still living and breathing. Hope still sings in my heart. I have love in my life. Good friends. A nice job. Pets that I adore. A home. Good health.
There were years I didn’t have all of these things. There were years I had much more. I know that New Year’s Eve is a made-up, arbitrary date. No matter the circumstances in my life, when New Year’s Eve appears, my heart begins to flutter and to hope. I see the fresh, new start in front of me and I feel hope.
I always feel like I do right now. A little bit like a child, peering over the edge of a freshly made bed. That bed is the newest year on record. Ever. And it’s all mine, to do with as I please. To lie in and mess up any way that I would like. In 365 brand new ways.
Happy New Year to you and yours!
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