New Year, Old You
Why you need to embrace yourself if you want to change
“Each of you is perfect just as you are — and you could all use improvement.” — Shunryu Suzuki.
January is the month of transformation. The chance for a fresh start. The best time to lose that weight, start that side hustle, clean out that closet, and generally become a better, more loveable version of ourselves.
Except we often fail to make the changes, we pledged to make when the old year came to a close.
Why is this so? I think there are two main reasons for this.
- We strive to become the version of ourselves we think we should be because society, influencers, and prominent self-help teachers say so.
- We fail to accept ourselves, first.
Don’t get me wrong. I love learning, and I regularly set goals for many areas of my life.
However, what I have come to believe is that we often don’t listen to ourselves enough when answering the questions: “Who am I? What do I want? What kind of person do I want to be?”
Instead, we sign up for the gym membership because gym ads convince us this is what we need if we finally want to feel good in our bodies.
We make a plan to spend less money because financial gurus tell us we need at least six months’ worth of savings.
We vow to finally get a grip on that messy spare bedroom because worshippers of minimalism preach that it’s because we have too much “stuff” that we feel overwhelmed, anxious, and unable to focus on “what’s really important.”
But, how often do we sit in silence and ask what we actually want and need?
If we even want to change our lives and ourselves?
Maybe we should simply embrace the imperfect and messy version of ourselves?
Instead of trying to become more productive, we could start to set more boundaries and stop trying to attend to everyone else’s needs.
Instead of trying to stick to a fitness regime that “guarantees results,” we could opt to spend more time in nature and move our bodies in a way that brings us joy.
Instead of trying to fix what is supposedly wrong with us, we could focus on fulfilling our needs and filling our cups so that we are better equipped to deal with whatever life throws at us.
Here’s an example from my own life.
I grew up with severe social anxiety. People told me I needed to talk more and be more social and outgoing throughout my childhood and adolescence. For many years, I have felt like I was a failure for not being social.
I would berate myself relentlessly for staying quiet in class and because I preferred time alone over student parties. It was a cycle of avoiding social situations and then beating myself up for not participating in social activities.
When I finally accepted that I would be nervous and permitted myself to be “the quiet one,” I attended more social events. Plus, I have learned that it is totally fine to be a person who needs a lot of alone time.
These days I enjoy being with my friends and sharing time with them. But I allow myself to have as much alone time as I need, without feeling guilty or thinking that something is wrong with me.
We are okay as we are.
Let’s start to embrace ourselves instead of trying to fix what is supposedly wrong with us.
