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Abstract

brilliant. But it doesn’t mean we don’t try. I’m putting effort into this piece, even if it’ll probably turn out crap.</p><p id="8109">But how about the jerks who don’t bother. The ones who are blasted on scotch or baked on acid, and who simply scribble down some junk, press publish and expect everyone to believe they are the reincarnation of Hunter S Thompson.</p><p id="4468">I’ve only got one word for you guys</p><figure id="0a2b"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*n9ASScpOrw5bRxqdLqNzfQ.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><p id="afc4">Keep your scraps of paper to yourself to give to your rehab counsellor at a later date when you’ve sobered up. I did.</p><h1 id="5a79">The Lazy Bastards</h1><p id="cbd5">Then there’s the stuff that’s been written by the real turds. These are the morons who feed their wank thoughts into an AI machine like Jarvis or Twat™ and expect everyone to believe they actually wrote it.</p><p id="5e99">I wrote a piece once using Jarvis, but only for demonstration purposes. The end product was shit. Devoid of everything that makes writing enjoyable, and makes us human. Yet there are people out there doing this.</p><p id="e3d6">I therefore propose icons for when you read a piece written by a computer chip</p><figure id="e54b"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*ZxDUdcDmVewNAmO7X4WPbQ.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><p id="cf38">Or this</p><figure id="b41a"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*n0QfGt9rRG61a7iVYUfWOQ.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><p id="2e11">Or this</p><figure id="fd68"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*HsHD9juCSe5Ry0zJHdLZkQ.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><h1 id="7129">The Good Guys</h1><p id="13a2">But how about the good stuff. The golden stuff. The stuff that makes you think, ‘Shit, why didn’t I write that?’</p><p id="6ef8">Or, ‘Shit, I could never write that! What am I doing even thinking I can write?’</p><p id="2fd3">Those articles that improve the rest of your day, so it won’t be as shit as the previous 8000. Surely, the good guys should have their own set of icons as well.</p><p id="84d5">Like this</p><figure id="edae"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*8Z4JwIYJ3d-5FX8MiV-hrg.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><p id="91b7">Or this</p><figure id="bca5"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*_u6IhuRZ1OqGioXwHKy-lw.png"><figcap

Options

tion></figcaption></figure><p id="6c4e">Or if you’re religious, this</p><figure id="7953"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*dgo4L8VV5hAJwcqgmRkp_w.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><p id="dd32">Or if you’re not, this</p><figure id="9919"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*ENkKMcq9q0lEroWDEYJn8w.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><p id="5224">Or perhaps you can just buy someone a coffee</p><figure id="d052"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*kBSr0YUheNu9zP3UoYMi1A.png"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><p id="2dd0">Like me…</p><p id="2f72">Thanks for reading this iconic piece. For more graphic stuff, check out:</p><div id="b8ea" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-joy-of-the-french-half-bath-984b23674958"> <div> <div> <h2>The Joy Of The French Half Bath</h2> <div><h3>— and why I hate showering</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*QMdwvzTmqG632TBkzRR6NQ.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="cfef" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-best-movies-youve-never-seen-33d17c49d186"> <div> <div> <h2>The Best Movies You’ve Never Seen</h2> <div><h3>But say you have any way, so you don’t sound like a jerk</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*ldokfZut92O5WEdgpPd7qA.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="9941" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/when-the-shit-hits-the-fan-717f6ff9d9d7"> <div> <div> <h2>When The Shit Hits The Fan</h2> <div><h3>What happens when the French tax authorities fuck you in the ass</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*yzH6H32SKffKMuQKfNr11A.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

Boring Medium Writers

New Suggestion for Medium

How about the middle finger

The new tipping option on Medium seems pretty pointless. No one has EVER bought me a Ko-Fi. And I doubt that’s going to change anytime soon.

I’m looking forward to other innovations on Medium. But in the meantime, here’s a suggestion.

Can The Clapping System

Let’s admit it. We’ve all written shit pieces. I have. Take this one.

This was a real clanger. Pains me to even read it again. A rambling account in which I trotted out all the predictable bullshit about how the loneliness of rural life helped me to write a novel.

It didn’t. The novel was shit. And the piece was shit. Yet people clapped for it.

I like the clapping idea. But it’s flawed.

Imagine you’re delivering a speech to fifty people. After you’ve finished, you get one clap from one person — your friend in the audience. Everyone else has got their hands firmly clasped together silently praying for it to end. This can mean only one thing. Your speech was utterly shit.

So why does Medium have to be different? If someone gives your piece one clap, it means it sucks.

Am I right, or am I right?

I’m right.

I therefore propose a new system to show our appreciation or disgruntlement.

Icons of Disgust

If you don’t like a piece, say so, like this

Or this

Or this.

Let them know how really shit the piece was.

The fuck-ups

We can’t always be brilliant. But it doesn’t mean we don’t try. I’m putting effort into this piece, even if it’ll probably turn out crap.

But how about the jerks who don’t bother. The ones who are blasted on scotch or baked on acid, and who simply scribble down some junk, press publish and expect everyone to believe they are the reincarnation of Hunter S Thompson.

I’ve only got one word for you guys

Keep your scraps of paper to yourself to give to your rehab counsellor at a later date when you’ve sobered up. I did.

The Lazy Bastards

Then there’s the stuff that’s been written by the real turds. These are the morons who feed their wank thoughts into an AI machine like Jarvis or Twat™ and expect everyone to believe they actually wrote it.

I wrote a piece once using Jarvis, but only for demonstration purposes. The end product was shit. Devoid of everything that makes writing enjoyable, and makes us human. Yet there are people out there doing this.

I therefore propose icons for when you read a piece written by a computer chip

Or this

Or this

The Good Guys

But how about the good stuff. The golden stuff. The stuff that makes you think, ‘Shit, why didn’t I write that?’

Or, ‘Shit, I could never write that! What am I doing even thinking I can write?’

Those articles that improve the rest of your day, so it won’t be as shit as the previous 8000. Surely, the good guys should have their own set of icons as well.

Like this