Humor/Satire
New Party Claiming Election Was “Rigged” and Their Candidate Won Intends to Challenge Biden Certification
The Writers Party have brought lawsuits in seven states, intending to have their candidate certified as President of the United States.
Another political party calling themselves “The Writers Party,” have joined the fray stating they intend to overturn Biden’s win and take the White House for themselves. They agree with the current administration that the election was, “fixed, fraudulent and just plain criminal.”
Said one member of the Writers Party, “As long as someone is trying to upset the election outcome, why shouldn’t everyone have a chance to become president? It was one thing when you actually had to win an election. But now, all you have to do is yell, “Fraud!” and apparently you can jump in front of the person elected and take their office. Isn’t this a great country?”
The group is alleging that their candidate, Narcissa Fletcher, won the election with 350 electoral votes. They stated that not one vote was recorded as being cast for Fletcher which can only be seen as fraud. They are blaming the voting machines, Donald Trump, Joe Bidden, the Corona Virus, a number of foreign nations, and “aliens among us,” for the absence of votes for their candidate.
The party has brought lawsuits in 7 states to allow them to have their ballots included in the vote tally. To speed things up, given the short time table until the certification of votes, they have brought their ballots with them in each state to hand over so they can be counted.
They have also appointed their own 50 electors, for each of the 7 states, who have already voted for Fletcher. When asked by correspondent Jim Daily, why they had more electors than are currently appointed for any state other than California, which has 55, their representative replied, “Because we only had enough lawyers to challenge the outcomes of 7 states and we wanted to make sure there was no doubt that we’d won. So, 50 per state just seemed the easiest to multiply and get the outcome we wanted. Dammit Jim, we’re writers, not mathematicians!”
Asked how their votes would be considered valid when they send them to Congress, the party’s lawyer stated, “We elected our own governor and state legislature for each of the disputed states. They certified our votes and will send them to be counted on the 6th after which we will be declared the winner.”
The Writers Party was formed to bring the importance of writers into the spotlight, feeling that they are unappreciated and undervalued and to ensure high wages for all writers who claim writing as their primary profession. They want government to provide a sizable subsidy for all writers that would amount to a full-time living wage plus 50 percent to supplement their regular writing income.
“Considering that the government believes that up to anyone earning up to $99k or $198k if they filed jointly was in need of help under the two stimulus bills, we have set the living wage at $100k for individuals and $200k for joint filers. Families in which one or both of the parents are writers will also receive $500 a month for each child they have until the child reaches the age of 18.”
Members of the party argue that because of the stress that comes from worrying about how much they’ll make month to month and general low wages overall, they are unable to do their best work. They claim that this is harming every other profession across the country.
“Name one profession that doesn’t have any need for written documentation, communication, notation, press releases, newsletters, grant applications, marketing and advertisements, guidelines, FACs, position papers, white papers, or any other type of written work. You can’t because they don’t exist. We make every profession possible. If we can’t do our best work, then every one of these work products will suffer and so will the client they are being written for.”
Some of the other changes The Writer’s Party intend to make include getting rid of all state and federal taxes for writers, a benefits package including health insurance, stress-free benefits (free membership in health club of choice, weekly massages, yoga classes, foot and hand rubs, and meditation retreats, among others), retirement, extra vacation pay and stock options in whatever companies the writer chooses.
Those interested in joining The Writer’s Party can comment below this article.
Natalie Frank has a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology. She specializes in Pediatrics and Behavioral Medicine. Her collection of poetry, Disguised I Breathe, In Love I Hold, can be found here on Amazon.
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