New Beginnings and New Ways of Thinking (Toxic by NoName)
“In my new new life I treat me well”
It’s been five months since I moved out of my soon to be ex-husband’s house and into an apartment on my own. There has been a lot that I’ve been navigating all at once and I’ve spent many nights crying, purging the pain that I’ve been carrying for so long. Noname is one of my favorite artists and this song has brought me so much comfort as I am starting this new chapter of my life.
In My Old Life I…
🚫 Was very co-dependent. I relied on my partners to give me self-esteem and reassurance which was a hopeless endeavor. No one can give me this besides myself.
🚫 Over invested in my partner and their interests. I used to be pulled in many directions and would spend most of my time with my partner doing the things that they liked which I ended up resenting them for.
🚫 Felt unseen in the relationships that I invested my time into. Growing up, I never felt seen or understood and this followed me into my adult life. I felt like a shell of a person trying to fit into whatever box that was placed in front of me. I didn’t know who I was at all and that made me grow to hate myself over time.
🚫 Didn’t believe that I could take care of myself, by myself. I didn’t have many resources or trust in myself which made me always want to be in a relationship.
In My New Life I…
🙏 Invest in my spirituality. My spirituality is fluid and revolves around paganism and buddhism. I connect with nature and feel at peace around animals. I love looking at the night sky and I’m in awe at the seemingly infinite universe that we live in.
🇲🇽 Spend time connecting to my culture and the history of my ancestors. I enjoy reading, visiting museums, praying, or talking to others. It’s very fulfilling to spend time learning about my identity and where I come from. It reconnects me with my soul.
🤓 Have the time and space to hyper-focus on my special interests. I’m discovering how far I can take my hobbies and skills; it’s showing me just how vibrant and vast my inner world can be. It’s also showing me how I can bring some of that inner world outside and share it with others.
🫂 Trust my ability to care for myself on my own. I have gotten physically stronger which has given me more confidence in going out into the world on my own. I continue to listen to myself and what my body is telling me. I am learning to respect that inner voice and let it guide me through the unknown.
❤️ Do my best to treat myself well. Every day brings new challenges and hurdles to get through. I have started talking back to my inner critic and acknowledging the good in my life. I am so thankful that there is a lot of beautiful discoveries that life has brought recently.
What did you think of the song? :)
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