Never settle for love

Summary

The author reflects on personal experiences to advocate for seeking genuine love that is reciprocal and fulfilling, rather than settling for less.

Abstract

The article delves into the author's journey of understanding and embracing the concept of real love. Initially, the author had a distorted view of love, characterized by one-sided giving and compromise without receiving the same in return. This perspective led to a resignation to accept whatever affection was offered, even if it fell short of true happiness. The turning point came when the author encountered a love that was active and supportive, prompting a reevaluation of past relationships. The author emphasizes that love should be a mutual building process, and if a partner is unwilling to contribute to this growth, it may be time to reassess the relationship. The article underscores the importance of not silencing one's desires for companionship and the necessity of finding a partner who appreciates and reciprocates one's loving nature.

Opinions

Love should be a two-way street, with both partners actively contributing to the relationship.
It's important to recognize when a relationship is no longer serving its purpose and to have the courage to move on.
Settling for less than what makes one truly happy can lead to years of emotional dissatisfaction.
Expressing one's desires and having them validated is crucial for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
True love involves vulnerability, support, and actions that align with one's partner's needs and wants.
People often stay in unfulfilling relationships due to fear of being alone or because they underestimate their worth.
Everyone deserves a love that is passionate, caring, and actively demonstrated, not just in words but in actions.

When the love you give isn’t the love you receive, it’s time to reevaluate

In my life, I have experienced different displays of love. However, it was not until my late twenties that I found myself on the receiving end of what I consider to be real love. When it came into my life unexpectedly, I had no idea what it was. In fact, I was still hanging on to my former idea of real love.

Prior to this experience, my idea of love was a little distorted. What I knew to be love was a lot of giving, and compromise all the while never getting anything in return. I decided that because I never received what I truly desired, maybe I was asking for too much or it just didn’t exist. With that in mind, I figured it was okay to settle for anything partners of my past provided, even if it did not truly make me happy.

In my mind, displays of affection were only meant for people who lived inside of fairytales and rom-com's. This was the only place where you could get swept off your feet and be inside of a romance that took you to the edge of the earth and rocked your world. I found myself caught up in romances so dry that a tumbleweed would envy. My relationships were okay; they were safe and at the end of the day, I could say at least someone wanted me. I didn’t want to rock the boat nor did I want to challenge anything that I opposed because I didn’t want to be alone.

Looking back, I realize how much I failed my younger self. As a woman who loves the idea of real love, the thought of silencing myself for the sake of having someone makes me cringe. If you are a person who, like me, loves the sight of flowers and tears up at the idea of decades-old love, then I suggest that you find someone willing to indulge you. There is nothing worse than being a lovey-dovey type and being emotionally tied to someone who disregards that side of you.

Love, in its actual form, is active. When you love someone, you take a series of vulnerable and supportive actions. Yes, we feel love, but it has to be built, continuing to shape and form over time. If someone isn’t willing to build and shape it to your liking but you find yourself compromising for them, then you may need to reevaluate the status of your relationship.

This is the hard part. I spent nearly five years in a relationship settling for what my partner gave me while dying to receive love in action. You may think that maybe my partner wasn’t aware of my wants and needs, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. I expressed my desires constantly, only to be invalidated as if it didn’t matter. I had to come to the sad conclusion that the person I desired to share my life with could not love me in the capacity I desired. To be honest, I wasn’t okay. Five years is a long time to waste just to dive back into the dingy dating pool. I had given so much it ended up depleting me. By the end of the relationship, my heart hardened and I found myself in a hopeless place.

I remember thinking if love in its true form existed, it was something that I was not meant to have. I wasn’t basing this off of one experience either. I had multiple relationships, back to back, that had shown me that I had desires that were too big and needed to be toned down if I ever wanted to get married and start my own family.

I think people as a collective want to have someone so bad that they stay inside of relationships that either died a long time ago or should have never taken off, to begin with. We get blinded by faux love to the point where we can’t acknowledge those bright red flags that wave boldly in our faces. Once we realize that we are getting the bare minimum, it becomes a place of comfort. We think, why should anyone love me beyond this? Why should anyone go out of their way to display the love that I desire when we can just be the way that we are? Like myself, you may think “at least they are here with me.”

Over time, I have learned that if a person truly loves you, there are certain things they will do and go above and beyond to make you happy. Once we free ourselves from the shackles of being in mediocre relationships, we give ourselves a chance at real love. It took time, but I am finally able to step into accepting that I deserve to be loved wildly; I deserve passion and flowers. I deserve to be in a relationship where I am not suffocating trying to maintain a facade of happiness. We all do! Be with someone who actively loves you and has no issue showing you. Build a life with someone willing to meet you at the bare minimum and go beyond that. Make sure the love you give is reciprocated and tailored to you.