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Abstract

ld happen to us.But if life is so generous, why do we still suffer?Because we let these opportunities pass, and we even perceive them as threats to our well-being. We become afraid of the new and the challenging. And so we fold in the face of fear.<h1 id="7702">Irrational fear is a part of you, and it stands in your way</h1>Malcolm Gladwell explains fear as an evolutionary mechanism to protect us from all kind of harm, even if the harm seems remote und unreasonable. It helped us survive until today, protecting us from being eaten by animals or clubbed by other cavemen. But evolution hasn’t fully adopted this mechanism to today’s world. The sabre-tooth tigers are gone, and we do not need to fight for food and shelter anymore.So we experience fear even without a physical threat to our existence. And most of this fear is psychological.Dr Judith Orloff, a best-selling author and psychiatrist, defines fear as an emotional response to danger, perceived or real; a feeling that we won’t be alright. We may foresee real danger, but more frequently, fear is irrational, and it will clobber us.But how do we recognize the irrational fear?<blockquote id="fb0c">“As a general rule, train yourself to question fears tied to low self-esteem; we are all worthy of what’s extraordinary.” (Dr Judith Orloff)</blockquote>Due to its animalistic nature, the fear has a loud and ruthless voice of our inner caveman. This voice is emotionally charged and can have a cruel, demeaning, and even delusional content, according to Dr Orloff. The fear feeds on our low self-worth, often digging into our past wounds.Besides, our fear often seeks smaller decisions and likes to say “no” whenever we want to try something new and different. So fears will try to hinder those little opportunities that enrich our lives.<h1 id="fc1d">Overcoming the fear will be your best thing of the day</h1><blockquote id="b0a5">“The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.” (Susan Jeffers)</blockquote>The next day, my reeboks were thumping my tenth mile on the forest trail. It was still early in the morning. The air was fresh, and the sun was low enough to blind the view. My neighbour was running ten feet in front of me, cheering me up to step on it.It was hard to breathe, and every step was scorching my exhausted thighs. But despite the pain and the suffering in the body, I felt no fear, nor did I want to give up. Maybe it was the sense of unity with nature or the adrenaline, but I was feeling whole again. My frustration, weakness, and anxiety were flushing away with every breath. I felt strong and confident.“Well done,” exclaimed my neighbour, “we made it.”Every sip of water and every bite of energy bar was the sweetest thing I ever tasted. And running these thirteen miles was the best thing that happened to me that day.I remembered how worried I was the day before, ruminating over my decision to go. Rationally and irrationally, I was against that little adventure. But one part of me was telling me to snag the opportunity and do it.<h1

Options

id="2a0b">So how do you snag the opportunity and overcome the fear?</h1>You can listen to all the advice in the world about not becoming a slave of your emotions. Although that advice is veritable, it will not make your feelings go away. Indeed, forcing yourself not to feel anything may even make things worse. Like a wild animal, the fear will start fighting back furiously once pushed into the corner.The secret is not to ignore the fear. Instead, acknowledge it as part of you and then push through it.Check if there is a real danger. Going for a marathon, for example, with a severe health condition would be a horrible idea. Doing that would be highly irresponsible. So is there a tangible “hard” risk to what you are about to do, posing a threat to your health and safety?If yes, then your body and mind are giving you a legitimate signal to stay put.Or is the fear related to the “soft” factor, such as social anxiety? “They will laugh at me”, “I am too scared to fail”, “I am not good at giving speeches, so they will think I am incompetent”, and so on. In this case, you are likely dealing with irrational fears.Remember that fear is clever — it can trick you into believing that the danger is real. But feeling that the danger is real doesn’t always mean that the danger is real.<blockquote id="def0">“Anxiety doesn’t protect you from danger, but from doing great things.” (Seth Godin)</blockquote>The only way forward is to push through. So once you realize that there is no threat, go ahead and do it despite the feeling of fear. The sense of accomplishment in piercing through your anxiety will make all the difference.Easier said than done? Sure, but it works.Seth Godin recommends that we acknowledge fear (anxiety) and let it burn out: “It just is, and you embrace it, like a hot day at the beach (or a cold day in Minnesota).”So the doing part comes before the feeling of fear goes away. And not the other way around. That’s the secret of courage.And there is another reward that comes with it: it builds your confidence.<blockquote id="fd87">“Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.” (Susan Jeffers)</blockquote><h1 id="24a1">Where to go from here</h1>Life offers us remarkable opportunities every day. But it’s our fear that often stands in our way. So next time you are about to churn the opportunity as too scary, give yourself another chance.We get afraid. It’s normal. But it’s our reaction to the fear that defines us. Most of our worries are irrational and unreasonable.Is there a threat to your health and safety? If not, then your fear is playing a trick on you.If the irrational fear does not protect you from danger, maybe it is just trying to heed you from trying something new. But that something new can be a chance to enrich your life: a chance to be healthier, happier, and more successful.And if life is offering you such a chance today, don’t miss it.</article></body>

LIFE ADVICE

Never miss a chance to be happier

Life offers you remarkable opportunities every day. Do not let fear stand in your way.

I recently enlisted to run a half-marathon.

But I am not an athlete.

I like jogging every other day to clear my head. A few miles in the fresh air after a long workday has done miracles for my peace of mind. But I do not run in marathons or in cheery cliques. It is the fitness of the soul that I run for, not the body.

So what’s the deal with the half-marathon?

The fitness of the soul can become an uphill sprint. Stress at work and tensions at home can get into your bones. And a simple jog around the neighbourhood doesn’t get the job done. It’s just not enough to flush the frustration that has been piling up inside me for weeks. My evening runs were simply not giving me the motivation, confidence, and strength I so desperately needed.

But one day, my neighbour (an ambitious athlete, a real runner) offered to run a half-marathon together.

So there it was: a remarkable opportunity. Running the thirteen miles was a tough call, a reset button, something new. An intense workout would flush away my frustration, anger, and self-doubt. By finishing the distance, I would regain my sense of self-worth and prove that I am strong and confident.

Some will say: “C’mon, there are plenty of people who run distances longer than that, what’s the big deal?” Yes, but it was a big deal for me. I never run distances that long. It was new and challenging. And after a while, I started to kick myself for my decision.

I was afraid that my body would overstrain, making me feel miserable. I panicked that I would give-up mid-way, shamefully calling Uber to take me home. I would suffer and fail. The image of standing in the middle of the track, out of breath, with painfully stinging legs, not able to take another step, feeling weak and helpless was discouraging.

My body and mind were telling me to stay away from this athletic gamble. The fear was real. It was persistent and protective, and it was eating me from the inside. It wanted me to stay away from the new and the unknown.

I was on the verge of missing the best thing that could happen to me that day

When we feel miserable, life offers us small but remarkable opportunities to heal ourselves. Whether it’s a challenge to run a longer distance, an invitation to recover a lost friendship, an offer to make a short trip to a new place, or to try healthier food or a new hobby, these little nuggets nudge us outside of our comfort zone. So we can learn and experience new and different things. These opportunities have the strength to spawn the next best thing that could happen to us.

But if life is so generous, why do we still suffer?

Because we let these opportunities pass, and we even perceive them as threats to our well-being. We become afraid of the new and the challenging. And so we fold in the face of fear.

Irrational fear is a part of you, and it stands in your way

Malcolm Gladwell explains fear as an evolutionary mechanism to protect us from all kind of harm, even if the harm seems remote und unreasonable. It helped us survive until today, protecting us from being eaten by animals or clubbed by other cavemen. But evolution hasn’t fully adopted this mechanism to today’s world. The sabre-tooth tigers are gone, and we do not need to fight for food and shelter anymore.

So we experience fear even without a physical threat to our existence. And most of this fear is psychological.

Dr Judith Orloff, a best-selling author and psychiatrist, defines fear as an emotional response to danger, perceived or real; a feeling that we won’t be alright. We may foresee real danger, but more frequently, fear is irrational, and it will clobber us.

But how do we recognize the irrational fear?

“As a general rule, train yourself to question fears tied to low self-esteem; we are all worthy of what’s extraordinary.” (Dr Judith Orloff)

Due to its animalistic nature, the fear has a loud and ruthless voice of our inner caveman. This voice is emotionally charged and can have a cruel, demeaning, and even delusional content, according to Dr Orloff. The fear feeds on our low self-worth, often digging into our past wounds.

Besides, our fear often seeks smaller decisions and likes to say “no” whenever we want to try something new and different. So fears will try to hinder those little opportunities that enrich our lives.

Overcoming the fear will be your best thing of the day

“The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.” (Susan Jeffers)

The next day, my reeboks were thumping my tenth mile on the forest trail. It was still early in the morning. The air was fresh, and the sun was low enough to blind the view. My neighbour was running ten feet in front of me, cheering me up to step on it.

It was hard to breathe, and every step was scorching my exhausted thighs. But despite the pain and the suffering in the body, I felt no fear, nor did I want to give up. Maybe it was the sense of unity with nature or the adrenaline, but I was feeling whole again. My frustration, weakness, and anxiety were flushing away with every breath. I felt strong and confident.

“Well done,” exclaimed my neighbour, “we made it.”

Every sip of water and every bite of energy bar was the sweetest thing I ever tasted. And running these thirteen miles was the best thing that happened to me that day.

I remembered how worried I was the day before, ruminating over my decision to go. Rationally and irrationally, I was against that little adventure. But one part of me was telling me to snag the opportunity and do it.

So how do you snag the opportunity and overcome the fear?

You can listen to all the advice in the world about not becoming a slave of your emotions. Although that advice is veritable, it will not make your feelings go away. Indeed, forcing yourself not to feel anything may even make things worse. Like a wild animal, the fear will start fighting back furiously once pushed into the corner.

The secret is not to ignore the fear. Instead, acknowledge it as part of you and then push through it.

Check if there is a real danger. Going for a marathon, for example, with a severe health condition would be a horrible idea. Doing that would be highly irresponsible. So is there a tangible “hard” risk to what you are about to do, posing a threat to your health and safety?

If yes, then your body and mind are giving you a legitimate signal to stay put.

Or is the fear related to the “soft” factor, such as social anxiety? “They will laugh at me”, “I am too scared to fail”, “I am not good at giving speeches, so they will think I am incompetent”, and so on. In this case, you are likely dealing with irrational fears.

Remember that fear is clever — it can trick you into believing that the danger is real. But feeling that the danger is real doesn’t always mean that the danger is real.

“Anxiety doesn’t protect you from danger, but from doing great things.” (Seth Godin)

The only way forward is to push through. So once you realize that there is no threat, go ahead and do it despite the feeling of fear. The sense of accomplishment in piercing through your anxiety will make all the difference.

Easier said than done? Sure, but it works.

Seth Godin recommends that we acknowledge fear (anxiety) and let it burn out: “It just is, and you embrace it, like a hot day at the beach (or a cold day in Minnesota).”

So the doing part comes before the feeling of fear goes away. And not the other way around. That’s the secret of courage.

And there is another reward that comes with it: it builds your confidence.

“Pushing through fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness.” (Susan Jeffers)

Where to go from here

Life offers us remarkable opportunities every day. But it’s our fear that often stands in our way. So next time you are about to churn the opportunity as too scary, give yourself another chance.

We get afraid. It’s normal. But it’s our reaction to the fear that defines us. Most of our worries are irrational and unreasonable.

Is there a threat to your health and safety? If not, then your fear is playing a trick on you.

If the irrational fear does not protect you from danger, maybe it is just trying to heed you from trying something new. But that something new can be a chance to enrich your life: a chance to be healthier, happier, and more successful.

And if life is offering you such a chance today, don’t miss it.