Never Compare Suffering

Summary

The author expresses deep sorrow and anger over the ongoing missile and drone attacks in Ukraine, emphasizing the importance of empathy and practical help over comparing different instances of suffering.

Abstract

In the wake of a massive missile and drone attack on Ukraine, the author shares a raw and emotional response, filled with rage and sorrow. They reflect on the futility of comparing suffering and the ineffectiveness of internet bots and comments that attempt to do so. Instead, the author calls for compassion, acknowledgment of pain without judgment, and actionable support, such as donations and volunteering. The author also makes a personal plea to consider the impact of New Year's fireworks on those affected by war, suggesting that the money spent on fireworks be donated to meaningful causes to help create a more peaceful world.

Opinions

The author is deeply disturbed by the scale of violence inflicted upon Ukrainian civilians, questioning the morality of those responsible for the attacks.
There is frustration and a sense of abandonment due to the lack of international understanding and support, with some responses being dismissive or propagandist.
Comparing different instances of global suffering is seen as counterproductive, leading to division and mutual hatred rather than compassion and real help.
Personal safety and the well-being of loved ones have become more significant resolutions than typical self-improvement goals for the author and others in similar situations.
The author believes that empathy and action, such as donating or volunteering, are more valuable than empty words or comparisons of suffering.
There is a call for awareness about the triggering effects of fireworks on war survivors and a suggestion to redirect firework funds to more impactful causes.

Instead, act in a helpful way

House in Dnipro, Ukraine, destroyed by X-22 missile. March 2023. Photo by author

I haven’t planned this post but life kicks in, and it’s going to be an emotional one. I’m full of rage and sorrow, once again, now over the latest, most massive so far, night missile and drone attack targeting my people.

I stopped asking myself how a whole state could spend over $1,27 billion in the form of 122 missiles and 36 drones of various types to kill us during only one night. People, just like you, planning to sleep peacefully at night, and going to work in the morning, regardless of shaking at night. Because the mind has adapted but the body still can have a shock reaction to being woken up by explosions.

Trying to come up with New Year resolutions like… Stay alive and not lose loved ones in the next year? In fact, similar resolutions to yours — be fit, eat healthy, and make positive changes. But in the back of our minds we realize — these don’t matter that much as soon as our loved ones and us are alive.

So I stopped asking myself and caring about the (un)morality of the millions inside the terrorist state a long time ago. I wanted someone to hear me there in February 2022 but never heard anything apart from silence, muttered shame, or worse — unreasonable hatred towards us because of propaganda brainwashing.

I’m also not addressing a lot of bots over the internet, part of whom are ones who write “what about [insert those who suffer]”. There’s an intention behind that doesn’t work for bringing any compassion and real help. It causes only separation, more mutual hatred, and nothing more.

Maybe someone who believes that comparing suffering and bringing attention to all world causes at once works, will hear me.

It doesn’t.

I bet those who are writing these comments never experienced a missile whistling over their house, at least. People who experience hardship usually stay alone in silence with their pain — because there are few people who can get them. And for all others who are going through war or invasion and express it on social media and then read “this is not as bad as people in … have it” — real comments from X (Twitter) — feel like depreciation of their pain. At least.

Many others reading this feel a sense of guilt. This is such a familiar feeling for me that I encountered many times in the past when hearing about someone in the world suffering. But for the last almost two years it seems like it wakes up with me, follows through the day, and goes to bed at night with me.

Other’s people suffering is around me, with close geographical and emotional proximity. Someone was killed by a missile today not far from me. Luckily, not me. Someone’s friend died today at the frontline, luckily, not mine. But I feel sorrow too. And I never dare to compare my sorrow to theirs. I feel like it’s obvious. But if I feel it strongly, it’s my job to take care of myself and maybe occasionally whine to someone, if someone is ready to listen to me without advice or judgment.

So I really wish more acknowledgments of sadness, pain, whatever it relates to, to be met with trying to sympathize, not compare or judge.

I know, it feels like there’s so much wrong about the world these days and these global fires cannot be stamped out overnight by the power of our strong wishes.

But our small actions still matter.

Feel like someone’s pain is overlooked?

There are a lot of ways to help if you really care about someone — donate, volunteer, or bring help. You know the ways. It is what really makes suffering a little less. What inspired me and distracted me a bit from the massive attack is the outcome of the story of Sasha — a teenager from the Imagine Dragon’s music video Crushed , whose house was rebuilt by donors after so much attention was brought to this cause. Even if you don’t have the same means to bring something to the spotlight, you still have power.

I also have a small personal wish or request, you may call it. I know many people around the world are so used to celebrating New Year with lots of petards, fireworks, and all kinds of pyrotechnics, exploding on a daily and nightly basis from Christmas to the New Year. It may be fun but to lots of people around the world, including me, the sounds of them no longer bring joy, quite the opposite. It’s the same for refugees in various countries. We can’t hear fireworks as just fireworks anymore. And I’m not even mentioning how they affect (and kill) animals every year.

So why not save money you could spend on petards this year and instead donate them to causes you care about? Trust me, it’s much better way to help and also bring more calmness and peaceful silence to this crazy world reaching 2024.