POETRY

Negative Nannies

Wreaking balls to my self-esteem

Your voices echo eternally in a mind such as mine ripples of can’ts, won’ts and you’ll-nevers spread from the center of my fluidity wash upon the shores of possibilities and settle like sediment, hardened into immovable stone

Your unwanted advice crippled my fragile mind as I internalized your words gave them space to repeat like a skipped record your negative counsel should have been guidance instead of leaving me to wander through a prisoned mine

Your words became wrecking balls that nearly shattered my life

©2021 Lori Carlson. All Rights Reserved.

If I had listened to all the people who were suppose to be my guides, I would never have gone to college or become a writer. Sometimes, I still hear their words in the recesses of my mind — Why do you take such hard classes and only get As and Bs, take easier classes like your sister and get all As; you will never be a writer; you will never get accepted into Hollins College; you should get a job instead of being a full-time student. Yes, I’ve heard them all from parents, teachers, guidance counselors and friends. Thank goodness I am a rebel who does the opposite of what I am told I cannot do.

This rambling mess is in response to Lucy Dan 蛋小姐 (she/her/她)’s prompt — reflect on the statement — sometimes the voices we internalize are what others have imposed on us, unwittingly and unwillingly…

Lori Carlson writes Poetry, Fiction, Articles, Creative Non-Fiction and Personal Essays. Most of her topics are centered around Relationships, Spirituality, Life Lessons, Mental Health, Nature, Loss, Death, and the LGBTQ+ community. Check out her personal Medium blog here.