Need To Clear Your Brain Fog? Then Spend Time Alone

You will become more creative, empathetic, and productive. Switch off from the world and allow the real you, time to shine

“All man’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quietly in a room alone.”

There’s an emotional tug of war in society.

For some it is the fear of being alone.

For others, a need to be included…IN EVERYTHING…which means that alone time is rarely factored into their lives. But that busyness, and forever doing, has been found to create its own form of stress and anxiety.

For good health we all need to be alone from time to time.

Those who feel strongly that they always need company will often view those who are content to be by themselves at times, as lonely and left out.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

And sometimes it’s only when things reach boiling point, for the busy people among us, that they realize the need for ‘me’ time.

Let me tell you about a a friend of mine. She has eight children.

She’s recently gone back to work as an emergency nurse…full-time.

I was shocked. The eldest children have finished school, and are now doing tertiary study, but the youngest two are six and eight. I wondered how and when everything would explode.

I was bold enough to tell her that.

But she wasn’t annoyed as I presumed she would be. Instead, she assured me that her life is far less pressurised now that she works.

How could this be?

She runs her home with impressive order and factors in a daily one-hour walk. ‘Without the walk,’ she tells me, ‘I would be suicidal.’

When she returns from her walk, the smaller children have been bathed and in their PJs, dinner is cooking, the table is set, everything tidied away, and order reigns.

“It’s still a noisy home,” she assured me, “ but it’s now a good-noise pitch. And everything works like clockwork.”

On reading my face she added, ‘Truly! But it wasn’t always that way. When I first considered going back to work, mainly because money was tight, but also for my sanity, we called the family together and put it to them. If I went back to work, they would all have to shoulder some responsibility. I also explained I needed to offload at the end of the day, so a one-hour walk (non negotiable, except for me), would be factored in.

“Jake (her son) suggested we should use one of Edward de Bono’s thinking strategies.”

I was super-proud, on hearing that, because I’d taught his class to use de Bono’s strategies for sorting out problems.

So here’s the one they chose. It’s called PMI, which stands for, PLUS, MINUS, and INTERESTING.

It’s a nice focused way of thinking sharply, and of reaching goals that everyone has agreed to:

• plus…what would be the benefits?
• minus…what might not work so well?
• interesting…what would be the good, or interesting things that could come about…say, extra money in the bank

The kids were suddenly on board when they realized there might be considerable benefits for them in particular.

But Sally explained that it could only work if everyone took their particular jobs seriously. They could rotate jobs if they wished, depending on ages, but they had to be done, and done well.

Sally stressed that what she didn’t want to do was return home to a fractured family.

The children were used to sharing responsibilities, but this was different. There was an element of this HAVING to work for everyone. They were on board especially when they were assured that this would be a win-win if they all acted responsibly.

The first two weeks

Sally very soon noted changes in herself and the children.

The after-school squabbling that had driven her mad, just wasn’t there.

“Maybe I’d allowed it to happen. The thinking seemed to be that because I had always been there for them, and at home, I had loads of time to myself. But that wasn’t true. I was on a merry-go-round of doing, just for my kids.

‘They’d arrive home from school and it would start…the bickering, the fighting, and the endless noise. I just couldn’t stand it.

“But now it’s different. They know I’ve been at work, not twiddling my thumbs or whatever mothers do, so they have become, would you believe, empathetic. My kids! Who would have thought?

“But so have I,” she added quickly. “I can come home, go for a walk, be totally on my own, but they have to do their jobs, and to get through them, they all work together. I would never have believed it.

“I’m happy, they’re happy, and we can afford a few treats. It truly is a win-win for all of us. We actually LIKE each other.”

So there we are…working as a team, giving their mother free time, just made the whole world seem a little brighter for one family.

Empathy all round.

The thing about time out is:

• you can be alone with your thoughts
• you can problem-solve
• you can empathize better with your colleagues, or your children
• you have the benefit of fresh air
• you are at one with nature
• you find yourself relaxing in a way you haven’t enjoyed for a while
• you are happier and more assured
• the world expands to meet your needs

As a person who is enervated by too much busyness, time spent alone for me, is not just precious. It’s vital.

There’s a huge element of freedom in being at one with one’s self.

Alone with my thoughts I can do all sorts of things, plan my day, find ideas for a piece of writing I am struggling with, ponder about something that has troubled me, or just be totally enveloped in whatever is around me.

My time alone is often just my daily walk. It’s non-negotiable, and like Sally, it keeps me sane. I also try to change the scenery, sometimes walking in the bush, taking a more challenging terrain, or just strolling around the neighborhood to see what people are doing in their gardens. If I express interest in a plant, I often arrive home with a few cuttings for my garden…always a bonus.

What about you? Do you have more creative ways to factor in alone time for yourself?

Is being alone important to you? Would love to know.