SELF IMPROVEMENT
Need an Instant Confidence Boost? Make a List of Things You Are Good At
We are too focused on our weaknesses to recognize our strengths.
Half a century ago, psychologist Don Clifton asked a question:
“What would happen if we studied what was right with people versus what’s wrong with people?”
He argued that studying weaknesses leads us to become experts on human failings, but doesn’t provide us with a key to success and fulfilment.
Yes, understanding your weaknesses is useful in order to avoid sabotaging your success. But to maximise your potential, you need to understand the best tools you have in your arsenal. Your strengths.
Why is it so hard to focus on strengths?
We are all conditioned to look at our weaknesses.
Teachers often use red pens to mark the incorrect answers. Our parents pay more attention to the subjects where we got poor grades and ignore the ones where we are good at. But isn’t that a good thing?
Shouldn’t our teachers and parents help where we are struggling? Yes, but only if we have reached our full potential on the things we are already good at. Actually, being good at something often prevents us from being great.
This weakness focus continues throughout our lives.
When we appear for an interview, we present our best self and we are hired for our experience and expertise. Once we start working, our managers are directed to find our weaknesses to justify the performance appraisals and satisfy the bell curve.
In personal life, our family members are often too busy to dish out praises. Make a mistake and you will immediately get feedback. Often the intention is not to bring you down. Pointing out mistakes is necessary so that you don’t repeat them. Appreciation, on the other hand, is optional and doesn’t serve an immediate purpose.
With years of conditioning, we become our worst critics.
It's not too late to break the pattern
If you pay attention to your thoughts throughout the day, you will rarely find self-appreciation. Most of your thoughts would be self-critical.
You can’t go on monitoring your thoughts all day. Also, it is hard to stop a thought train as it gains momentum.
The best way to break the pattern is to reverse the conditioning gradually over time. Every time you notice a negative thought about yourself, replace it with a positive one. If you are diligent, you will get better a controlling self-criticism over time.
What if you need a boost now?
The ‘I am good at …’ list
Try this exercise tonight. Before you go to bed, write a list of things you are good at.
You can use a notes app on your phone, or computer, or paper and pen. It doesn’t matter.
It will be a difficult start. You will probably get to 4 or 5 items and go blank. Keep trying. It will get easier as you get into the flow.
Here are some tips to help you get going:
- Don’t judge what you add to the list. If you think you are good at laughing, add to the list. How about asking questions, or being curious?
- Think of different areas of your life. What are you good at in your professional life? Are you good at being there for family and friends?
- What about cooking? Is there a dish you make for which people often ask you the recipe?
- Do you feel strong empathy for the underprivileged? Or do you care about the environment?
You may get into a flow and end up with a long list. Or you may get stuck at 9 or 11. Don’t try too hard. Come back to it later.
Your list is a confidence booster
The act of adding to the list is a definite confidence booster, but the list itself can lift up your spirits.
Keep your list handy and read it often. Add new items as more come to your mind. You may be making coffee and realize that you do make damn good coffee.
Final Thoughts
We get so caught up in constant feedback from others, we forget that we are our own worst critics. We can demand others to appreciate us, but why not start by appreciating ourselves?
A list of “things I am good at” is a surefire way to boost your confidence and start the self-appreciation game.
While researching this topic, I came across this article by Katherine Conaway which is a great place to get some ideas if you are feeling stuck with your list: