Relationship Enrichment
Navigating Your Relationship Out of the Doldrums
Capture the wind in your sails again and make a journey together to a renewed connection
Introduction: The Origins of the Doldrums
I have heard the term “being in the doldrums” all my life. I’ve used it to mean not feeling really good and not feeling really bad. Just sort of drifting along in a sea of blah. I became curious several years ago to see where the term originated. The term “doldrums” traces its roots to the world of maritime exploration of yore. The doldrums were a stretch of ocean where sailors frequently found themselves in a state of stagnation, surrounded by eerie calmness. ( Aha! So my “sea of blah” was not so far off!) Since they were navigating using wind in their sails, these stagnant and breezeless stretches became a challenge to escape and required lots of teamwork and adjusting sails.
Similarly, relationships can feel as though they are drifting without direction, no longer sailing along with the winds of passion and excitement. But much like skilled mariners had to rely on teamwork and determination to navigate the doldrums, you and your partner can rekindle the flame of your connection and steer your relationship toward revitalization. Let’s take a look at five suggestions below:
- Setting Sail on Winds of Communication
I want to be realistic. Life happens. Life becomes “daily”. We engage in routine and necessary conversations in the course of daily living. What do you want for supper? How did your day go at work? What time is the kids soccer practice? Yes, that is how life goes. However, when couples hit the doldrums, conversation doesn’t extend beyond the routine. Each person retreats to their own space, either physically, or in their head. It’s easy for this to happen. And, it’s not a sign that your relationship is “on the rocks” (which is far worse for your “ship”, than being in the doldrums!)
In the doldrums, sailors searched the horizon for even the slightest breeze. In your relationship, open and honest communication can be that refreshing wind. Engage in meaningful conversations that go beyond the routine, sharing your dreams, fears, and aspirations. And because those dreams, fears and aspirations can evolve over time, it’s important to revisit those conversations. Perhaps you will find new dreams to pursue. Just as sailors shared their sea stories and observations, your words can breathe life into your relationship, reigniting the winds of understanding and intimacy.
2. Plotting a Course for Exploring New Horizons
When ships were trapped in the doldrums, sailors charted new courses in search of better winds. Couples can chart a new course for their journey together, also. Embracing new experiences as a couple can infuse excitement into your relationship. Dive into activities that intrigue both of you. Maybe trying a dance class — there’s nothing sexier than learning to tango! Plan a day trip to a scenic biking or hiking trail. Take a cooking class together. Making and sharing a meal can be a nice prelude to an intimate evening afterwards. Planning an activity is a conversation booster in itself. Sharing a new venture can be just the gusts of enthusiasm needed to propel your relationship beyond stagnation.
3. Mending the Sails
A ship’s sails require regular maintenance. Small tears in the fabric can worsen to cause major problems in navigation if not mended. Likewise, relationships need consistent care. Tackle challenges head-on, repairing any tears in the fabric of your partnership as soon as you become aware. Let your partner know how you are feeling. We’ve all been taught, “See something -Say something” regarding reporting suspicious activity as soon we observe it. Don’t wait to see if your partner notices there’s a problem brewing within you. Like sailors working together to mend the rigging, confront issues with respect and understanding. Communicate openly to find solutions that strengthen the foundation of your relationship.
4. Navigating as a Team
In the doldrums, sailors functioned as a harmonious team, each member contributing their unique set of skills to navigate the ship. Similarly, your relationship thrives when you and your partner collaborate. Embrace each other’s strengths. Ask for help when you need support. Pitch in and help when you can meet a need. By supporting one another through the ups and downs and navigating as a team, you can weather any storm and guide your relationship toward calmer waters.
5. Basking in Sunlight by Focusing on Positives
Even when stalled in the. doldrums, sailors found comfort and rest in the warmth of the sun. As I stated earlier, the doldrums isn’t the same as crashing on the rocks. Doldrums aren’t a sign of impending doom. They are just a sign that it’s time to work together to put a little “gust”o (as in gust of wind-so sorry for that one!) in your sails. Taking time to focus on the positives in your relationship, to brag a little bit to each other about how good you do this “relationship thing”, are ways to bask in the sunshine. Celebrate the small joys — the shared laughter, the inside jokes, and the moments that fill your hearts with affection. Express gratitude for these experiences, fostering an atmosphere of appreciation. Always share gratitude with one another!!
Conclusion: Sailing into a Brighter Future
In the same way sailors conquered the doldrums through teamwork and determination, you and your partner have the power to revitalize your relationship. Through open communication, shared adventures, addressing challenges, teamwork, and focusing on the positives, you can guide your ship toward a brighter horizon.
So, ahoy Mateys!! Happy sailing!!
The relationship suggestions I’ve outlined above are derived from assisting couples in my profession as a clinical social worker (L.C.S.W.) with 17 years of experience providing therapy for couples, families, groups, and individuals.
For more relationship tips, check out my article about “Cracking the Relationship Code”. Thank you for reading! Please share your comments and suggestions with me.