avatarMichael Nagy

Summary

The author and his wife, dealing with infertility, share their experience of finding the right doctor to help them conceive.

Abstract

The author and his wife, after trying to conceive naturally for a few months, decide to seek help from a fertility clinic. They initially choose a well-known clinic but become dissatisfied with the doctor's lack of empathy and care. After a series of tests, they discover that both of them have fertility issues. The wife is diagnosed with endometriosis and has poor egg quality, while the husband has a low sperm count. They switch to a new doctor who listens to their concerns and provides better care, ultimately leading to a more positive experience.

Opinions

  • The author emphasizes the importance of trusting one's gut when it comes to medical care.
  • The author expresses frustration with the initial doctor's lack of empathy and care.
  • The author highlights the significance of finding a doctor who listens to their patients and provides personalized care.
  • The author shares his disappointment with the initial clinic's lack of attention to detail and potential HIPAA violation.
  • The author appreciates the new doctor's kindness and willingness to address their concerns.
  • The author suggests that dealing with infertility is a scary experience, and having a supportive doctor is crucial.
  • The author reveals that his wife supports him in sharing their journey through infertility.

Navigating the Waters of Infertility

Part 1: Finding the Right Doctor

Photo by Matt Hardy on Unsplash

My wife and I met in June of 2015. Exactly two years later, we tied the knot. A month after our wedding, we decided to start trying to have our first child. If you were to believe high school sex education, you’d think getting pregnant was easy! Alas, a couple of months went by without success. Two months is hardly enough time to start worrying, but there are times you just know that something isn’t quite right. Learn to trust your gut.

Because my wife already had some concerning symptoms, she got a referral to see an endometriosis specialist, who just so happened to work a mile down the road. Sure enough, after her evaluation, it was determined that it was very likely that she had endometriosis.

Given the diagnosis, we decided it was time to book an appointment with a fertility clinic. Since we lived in the Boston area, we had many places to choose from. We decided to go to the one most people recognize by name. Given how long it takes to get an initial evaluation, we managed to book an appointment towards the end of the year, just in case nothing happens naturally.

The day of our appointment finally arrived! We checked in with the receptionist and made our way into the waiting area.

When our names were called, we went into a private office and met with our new doctor. Along the walls were awards and accolades as far as the eye can see. She must be good! We’ll have that kid in no time, I thought to myself.

We exchanged the usual medical history, which included the newly diagnosed endometriosis. Tests were ordered for both of us, and it was time to wait for the results. In the meantime, the doctor walked us through the usual course of treatment —

  1. Evidence of trying for six months naturally
  2. Medication for three months
  3. IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) for three months
  4. IVF (In vitro fertilization) onward

While walking us through the process, she ended with, “after we get through the first three steps, we’ll finally get you pregnant with IVF.” I guess with IVF in the name of the clinic, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to us.

It was January of 2018 when the results from our tests were finally available. It turns out that my 27-year-old wife’s egg quality was that of a 35-year-old woman, placing her in the geriatric pregnancy category, which can come with additional risks. In addition, my sperm count was apparently very low. “This isn’t good. That must be why you’re having trouble,” the doctor said while stifling a yawn. “Oh, wait, never mind, the decimal was in the wrong place. Let me fix that.”

To say my confidence started to wane at that point is an understatement.

Since my wife was scheduled to have her endometriosis surgically removed the following month, we paused on everything fertility-related.

Once my wife recovered from the surgery, we resumed our journey. Since my wife just wasn’t ovulating like she was supposed to, her doctor prescribed Letrozole. After starting the new medication, my wife’s appetite vanished for the first couple of weeks. Calling the nurse line, she was told that it wasn’t because of the medicine and that she should call her PCP instead. During the second month of taking the medication, her nausea worsened, persisting the entire time. All-in-all, she lost 20 pounds in six weeks.

After speaking to the nurse a second time, she informed us that we should talk to the doctor about the symptoms during our next appointment. Unfortunately, it would be at least two months until we could meet with her again. Unhappy with the treatment she was receiving from the clinic, we decided to look elsewhere. Coincidentally, during the course of our treatment, we learned that our next-door neighbor did IVF at a different hospital in the next town over. Our neighbor had nothing but wonderful things to say about her doctor and nursing staff there, so we decided to cut our losses and make an appointment.

Since we did not want to redo all of our tests, we requested the forms to transfer our medical records to the new doctor. After waiting several days without any response, I followed up with them again to send the paperwork over. Relenting, they finally sent them via email for me to fill out. I opened it up, and what should I find? A form that was already filled in with somebody else’s information. Given the blatant HIPAA violation, I knew we made the right decision to look elsewhere.

As luck would have it, by June of 2018, nearly a year after we started trying, we had our first appointment with our new doctor. She was very kind and listened intently to every word we said. We recounted the tale from the previous clinic, expressing our doubts and concerns. She reassured us that she would do everything she could to help us.

After reviewing our records, she brought up a new concern. While my sperm count was very high, it turns out that many of the little guys were oddly shaped! Only 3% of them had normal morphology, meaning the vast majority of them may not have been very good at actually getting inside the egg. The normal range should have been 4% or greater. The fact that the previous doctor didn’t say anything at all about this was disheartening.

Towards the end of the appointment, my wife mentioned the medication that was prescribed to her a few months prior. The doctor responded, “yes, that’s definitely a side-effect. If it caused you that much trouble, we will find a new medication that works for you.” And that was the moment when my wife and I knew we found the right doctor — a doctor who actually cared about her patients enough to listen to them. As we got up to leave, she gave us both a big hug as we parted ways.

And that concludes the beginning of our journey to find the right doctor for us. Dealing with infertility is scary, and the last thing you should have to go through is dealing with a doctor suffering from burnout who doesn’t listen to her patients.

Our journey will continue in a follow-up article.

In case you are wondering, my wife is fully supportive of me writing about our journey through infertility. In fact, it was her idea.

Ivf
Infertility
Endometriosis
Ivf Clinic
Doctors
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