Securing Supply: How Narcissists Never Start Families

Two narcissists explain why they trapped their baby’s mothers and how they got away with it

In 2020, I had a conversation with a narcissist I know, named William, where he openly admitted to trapping his high school sweetheart with a baby — ten years after they had broken up.

She wanted him back and he used this reconciliation as an opportunity to “lock her down” by getting her pregnant.

He told me it was always his plan but she finally gave him the green light to put it into action once she wanted him back.

When I asked him how he was able to get away with this he explained to me that he played (and preyed) on her need for love.

He went on to explain to me that women tend to be too focused on marriage, as a means of commitment.

This is a big reason why so many women end up trapped by male narcissists. In fact, this creates the distinction between the male and female narcissist.

In terms of narcissism:

• Female narcs rush to the altar, believing the legal ramifications of marriage will solidify (and signify) their victim’s commitment.
• Male narcs understand that having a child is the real commitment and therefore rush to get their victims pregnant instead — or first.

William explained this in greater detail when he told me,

Most women desire marriage as a show of true commitment, as proof that a man is serious about them. We know this and use this to yall’s disadvantage because ya’ll will wait for that ring, even after pushing out a kid. It’s fucking stupid but it makes it easier for us.

(And he isn’t wrong about this.)

That’s when William said the one thing that I have always understood. Women are so busy waiting for the commitment of marriage when having a child is the real commitment — because it’s a permanent commitment.

The reason narcissists push to have babies and want to “start families”, especially when their relationships get rocky, is because this is their last ditch effort to secure their supply. In other words, they’re playing the long game. But there are warning signs the narcissist is playing “The Long Game”.

For example:

• the relationship got very turbulent (especially if the narcissist has discarded you or vice versa) and now suddenly they’re talking about starting a family. This likely occurs during or directly after the hoovering stage.
• they had no desire to have children but suddenly do, now that the relationship is on the rocks, specifically if you’ve left and come back or seem ready to leave the relationship.
• they mention getting you pregnant very early on in the connection. This is a sign that they see you as a very good source of supply and need to keep you around for as long as possible (this has nothing to do with love). It will occur during the love-bombing phase; also known as “The Honeymoon Phase”.

Narcissists understand that once a child enters the picture, the game changes — permanently.

Many women don’t seem to catch onto this strategy in time and William accurately sums up the reason for our blind spot,

Most of you women are so focused on love, and getting a ring, that you’re not even paying attention to the fact that you’ve already been trapped — the moment you gave birth.

He’s right.

He went on to point out how upset we get when the ring is never produced and explained why there is no follow-through on that promise,

We don’t need to marry you once we get you pregnant.

William explained that marriage is not a permanent commitment, or at least it doesn’t have to be (and it usually isn’t in the present day).

With marriage, you can divorce someone.

You can separate or simply leave the relationship and do your thing, even if you are still legally declared “husband and wife”…

But you can’t un-have a child.

Many women set out to avoid recreating the broken homes they grew up in. This notion is weaponized by narcissists later on when they decide to use this particular trauma to recreate it on purpose.

In order to pull this off they are going to convince us that they really want us to have their baby.

During this stage, the narcissist will go above and beyond to make us not only believe it but feel safe enough to trust them to start a family.

Many of them will be on their best behavior (or go back to being on their best behavior) until we are either pregnant or too far along in the pregnancy to abort. Or had already given birth before letting their mask drop entirely. And permanently.

(In the case of the female narcissist, she’s going to become increasingly abusive and demanding throughout the pregnancy — knowing, you are concerned for the safety of the baby and therefore can’t afford to do anything that would “upset her”. It will only get worse from there.)

William explains this phenomenon by bragging about how even when women:

• catch onto their tactic(s)
• outgrow their narcissist(s)
• get tired of waiting (for a commitment/marriage)
• want to escape the abuse/mistreatment
• no longer want to deal with infidelity
• or simply want to leave

It’s too late.

You can go if you want but you’re stuck to your abuser for life because you’ve had a kid with him.

Now, you have to deal with the very man you’ve outgrown.

This is why many narcissists “switch up” once the baby is born. It no longer matters that you’ve seen the light because there is no turning back now. You are attached to him for the rest of your life.

Checkmate.

To sum this up, William literally said —

Basically, we win.

He explained to me that most men, if not all men, already know this and have been using this understanding (and using our wombs) to their advantage for ages. And he’s absolutely right.

So.. why are so many women falling for this? Because most narcissists are using coercive sex (and rape) to get us pregnant.

I was raped in April of 2020 by a man named Joshua.

Joshua was my drug dealer at the time. Soon after the rape, Joshua confessed to it and told me that he purposely set out to become my drug dealer to eventually have sex with me.

In his exact words:

Women needed to be manipulated into having sex.

This was a lesson in all the ways that a narcissist will manipulate women into feeling safe enough to open their legs for them.

What I didn’t mention in that article was his perspective on parenthood and the fact that he admitted he was trying to add me to his lineup as his third baby’s mother — because of my spirituality.

Joshua said I was “divine” in a way that his other two baby’s mothers weren’t. Basically, because I’m spiritual and they weren’t. Many of my spiritual beliefs mirrored his and because of that, he wanted to get me pregnant. Strictly, for my belief system.

But he said he needed to mold me to his liking to fit exactly what he wanted and that he had been “working on me”. He was very drunk and really high so he was talking with no filter.

In other words, Joshua told me the truth:

He was creating a roster of baby mamas.

He admitted to “locking down” both of his current baby’s mothers.

He actually cheated on the first one with the second one and had to reveal everything to his girlfriend once he got his new supply pregnant. I was supposed to be next. He actually admitted this.

It was directly after the rape was over that he even admitted he had a girlfriend, and that he’s still sleeping with both women he had children with because… he can.

This is when Joshua broke down the real role of the “baby mama”, along with another perspective behind the narcissist’s calculated need to “start a family”. Joshua said he’s entitled to sleeping with both of them because they both have his kids.

He saw it as a right of passage since they were locked to him for life and he could switch between the two depending on their behavior.

Read that again.

(And, yes, he actually said this.)

Most of the men you see with multiple babies’ mothers aren’t as irresponsible as we believe they are. They’re not careless at all, they’re calculated. They’re impregnating multiple women on purpose because they’re building a collection of supply.

Becoming a “mom” makes you part of a supply chain where each baby mama has a specific quality the narcissist desires, and the accumulation of these women (and their qualities) completes the package.

This is the strategy.

This is the purpose of your pregnancy.

© Linda Sharp 2023. All Rights Reserved.