Narcissists Have A Huge Fear Of Being Abandoned: They Cope By Pushing People Away

“If I Push You Away and You Keep Coming Back, That Means I Control You”

The core fear of abandonment in narcissists is a driving force behind their behaviors.

It’s not merely about an overinflated ego or self-absorption; it’s about a fragile self-image that crumbles at the mere thought of rejection.

While they may project an air of confidence and superiority, beneath that facade lies an immense fear of being discarded or deemed unworthy.

When a narcissist pushes someone away, it’s not a sign of strength but rather a manifestation of their insecurities. They anticipate rejection, and in an attempt to regain control, they create distance.

They might employ tactics like ignoring messages, canceling plans last minute, or even resorting to hurtful comments or behaviors — all in a bid to test the loyalty and commitment of those around them.

Their mantra? “If I push you away and you keep coming back, that means I control you.” It’s a twisted validation of their fears — a belief that they can manipulate others’ emotions and actions to serve their own needs.

Repeatedly pushing someone away and observing them return reaffirms their belief that they have the upper hand, fostering a sense of control that soothes their anxieties about abandonment.

This is why NO CONTACT is so very powerful.

This behavior creates a tumultuous cycle in relationships. For those on the receiving end, it can be bewildering and hurtful. You may find yourself constantly walking on eggshells, trying to decode the ever-shifting moods and actions of the narcissist.

The constant push and pull, the hot and cold treatment — it’s emotionally exhausting. But here’s the kicker: the more you try to prove your loyalty, the more they might push you away, caught in their cycle of fear and manipulation.

Understanding this pattern is crucial in dealing with narcissists. It’s not about changing them — narcissistic traits often run deep — but about setting boundaries and protecting your own mental and emotional well-being.

Recognize that their behavior is driven mostly by fear.

And while empathy is essential, it’s equally important to prioritize your own needs and mental health.

This is not selfish. How can you help others, when you can’t help yourself?

Breaking free from this cycle often involves setting firm boundaries and, at times, walking away. It might feel counterintuitive — aren’t you giving in to their fear of abandonment by leaving? Not quite. Sometimes, showing that you won’t tolerate manipulative behavior is the most empowering choice you can make for yourself.

It’s also crucial to seek support. Dealing with a narcissist’s behavior can take a toll on your mental health. Talking to a therapist or counselor can provide clarity, validation, and strategies to navigate these complex relationships.

Ultimately, recognizing that the fear of abandonment fuels a narcissist’s actions allows you to approach the situation with empathy while safeguarding your own emotional well-being.

It’s not easy, but by understanding their fears and choosing to protect yourself, you reclaim control over your own life and emotions, breaking free from the cycle of manipulation and instability.

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