Narcissism Is Actually A Sliding Scale

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Abstract

fantasy self and the high end is extreme self-abandonment and extreme belief in a fantasy self.When I say “narcissist,” I mean someone who is high on the narcissism scale. I mean someone who has almost completely abandoned their true essence and is well-practiced in believing that they are their fantasy self.The higher we go on the narcissism scale of self-abandonment, the farther we get from our raw feelings of unworthiness.I surmise that the higher someone is on the narcissism scale, the more extreme their core wounds are, thus the desire to abandon themselves on an extreme level to avoid their raw pain takes them farther up the scale and into the defense mechanism of narcissism.This brings us to a hard-to-swallow part of the conversation: Narcissists are not inhuman monsters.They are humans who have done their very best to deny their humanity. But the thing is, they may have abandoned their essence, but their essence can never die and can always be restored. But let me be clea

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r: It is not your job to help them find their essence.I am not denying the impact of the monstrous things narcissists have done in your life. Narcissists can be very dangerous because any human disconnected from their true essence can be dangerous.We must learn to hold the tension between seeing the narcissist as a human trapped underneath their own defense mechanisms and seeing the narcissist as a human dissociated from their true self and reality, and usually not interested in reuniting with either.You can have compassion for the human inside of them while still setting boundaries with their narcissistic persona. And actually, doing this is the best thing you can do to invite them back into their own humanity and for the healing of both of you.PS I am a trauma-informed coach who specializes in helping survivors of narcissistic abuse thrive in relationships. Schedule a free consultation with me by <a href="https://calendly.com/jordin-james/chemistry">clicking here</a>.</article></body>

Let’s enter into a deeper conversation about narcissistic abuse that actually allows more healing to enter in.

Narcissism is the defense mechanism of substituting a fantasy self and fantasy reality to replace our true essence due to the extreme belief that our true essence is unworthy of love and will not get our needs met for survival.

But not everyone abandons their true essence to the same degree.

This is why I think of narcissism as a sliding scale, where the low end is a small degree of self-abandonment and belief in a fantasy self and the high end is extreme self-abandonment and extreme belief in a fantasy self.

When I say “narcissist,” I mean someone who is high on the narcissism scale. I mean someone who has almost completely abandoned their true essence and is well-practiced in believing that they are their fantasy self.

The higher we go on the narcissism scale of self-abandonment, the farther we get from our raw feelings of unworthiness.

I surmise that the higher someone is on the narcissism scale, the more extreme their core wounds are, thus the desire to abandon themselves on an extreme level to avoid their raw pain takes them farther up the scale and into the defense mechanism of narcissism.

This brings us to a hard-to-swallow part of the conversation: Narcissists are not inhuman monsters.

They are humans who have done their very best to deny their humanity. But the thing is, they may have abandoned their essence, but their essence can never die and can always be restored. But let me be clear: It is not your job to help them find their essence.

I am not denying the impact of the monstrous things narcissists have done in your life. Narcissists can be very dangerous because any human disconnected from their true essence can be dangerous.

We must learn to hold the tension between seeing the narcissist as a human trapped underneath their own defense mechanisms and seeing the narcissist as a human dissociated from their true self and reality, and usually not interested in reuniting with either.

You can have compassion for the human inside of them while still setting boundaries with their narcissistic persona. And actually, doing this is the best thing you can do to invite them back into their own humanity and for the healing of both of you.

PS I am a trauma-informed coach who specializes in helping survivors of narcissistic abuse thrive in relationships. Schedule a free consultation with me by clicking here.