Nancy Pelosi Sues WallStreetBets for Screwing Her Over
Fed up of shutting down hair salons, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi channeled her dinosaur energy to a new task: taking down the popular subreddit WallStreetBets.
Pelosi showed up to court without a mask and demanded that the judge listens to her sob story.
“GameStop was planning on filing for bankruptcy, and they reached out to me to file the process. I relayed this information to my husband, who put all our life savings in shorting the company.
“We could have been billionaires. We could have surpassed Jeff Bezos. Instead, we lost all our money due to WallStreetBets’s recent antics. WSB knew that we rich millionaires would benefit from GameStop price falling, so they rallied behind it to increase its stock price and make our options worthless.
“This is an unfair attack on the politicians who sacrificed their health and career for the sake of the nation. All we ask for is a small pool of $1 billion for putting the nations’ interests on our backs. I will spare no expense to sue everyone who conspired in my financial downfall.”
Pelosi is joined by Republicans Kelly Loeffler and Elaine Chao, who both claimed that “bad bitches need to stick together”. They both also plan to sue Robinhood’s CEO for not restricting GameStop prices sooner.
Disclaimer: All characters and events in this article, even those based on real people and events, are entirely fictional. It is written to poke fun at the subjects mentioned. It is satire. For now
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UPDATE: On October 21st, 2021, the Federal Reserve restricted trading by top officials.
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