My Writing Life

Summary

The author reflects on their personal journey in writing, driven by a childhood quest for validation through gold stars, and grapples with the balance between writing for intrinsic joy and seeking external rewards.

Abstract

The author, having spent over 10,000 hours writing across various formats, ponders on the pursuit of excellence and recognition in their craft. Despite the substantial time investment, the author does not consider themselves an expert. They reminisce about the gold star system in Catholic school, which instilled in them a lifelong desire for accolades. This desire has manifested in their attention to claps, highlights, comments, and followers on Medium, as well as the pursuit of monetary gain. However, the author acknowledges that the true essence of writing is found in the flow state it induces and the personal satisfaction derived from the process. Drawing inspiration from Annie Dillard's "The Writing Life," the author struggles with self-editing and the impatience to publish, while also engaging in strategic reading and networking to attract more readers.

Opinions

The author questions the external motivations for writing, such as the desire for recognition and rewards, as opposed to the intrinsic value of the craft.
They acknowledge the influence of childhood conditioning through the gold star system on their adult approach to writing and validation.
The author admits to a tendency to over-research and over-write, often struggling to edit their own work effectively.
Despite the pursuit of external validation, the author finds genuine enjoyment in writing, considering it a fun, frustrating, and productive activity.
They express a sense of imposter syndrome, hesitating to fully embrace the title of 'writer' despite their extensive experience.
The author recognizes the importance of engaging with the Medium community by reading, commenting, and following other writers, but does so authentically based on personal interest.
They emphasize the significance of a compelling title and image in attracting readers, while also recommending Annie Dillard's "The Writing Life" as a valuable resource for writers.
The author suggests that writers should be willing to critically assess their own work, questioning whether they would read their essays if they were someone else's

A quest for a gold star

I have clocked more than 10,000 hours of writing in various formats — poems, essays, and articles. Am I an expert now as Malcolm Gladwell foresaw? Alas, no.

I recently questioned my motives for restarting on Medium. I first posted (dropped? published?) my first piece in 2017. I worked on it for a few years, tinkering with word placement, editing content (I tend to add everything I know on a topic — word stew), and checking for grammatical errors (my Achille’s heel).

I wanted others to read, appreciate, and identity with it. I wanted a gold star.

In Catholic grammar (elementary) school the nuns awarded gold stars every time we did a good deed, got an A, or performed well in the arts. They accumulated on a card like the old S&H Green Stamps.

I don’t recall the end goal or prize. But I internalized that concept and have been chasing gold stars in everything I do ever since like an addict chases their first high.

Like others, I was lured back to Medium with the Writer’s Challenge. Then I was checking for claps, highlights, and comments. And now 100 followers. And money. My sister reminded me, “that’s not why you write.” True.

I’m in flow went I write. I get so involved, time just disappears. It can be fun, frustrating, and productive. If you ask me what I do for fun, what I’m doing this weekend, or how I spent my summer vacation, I’ll tell you, “I write.” At the very least I jot down my thoughts in my journal. (I also read, read and read — all things I hear that will make me successful)

As Annie Dillard (Pulitzer Prize winner) shares in The Writing Life(1989):

When you write, you lay out a line of words. The line of words is a miner’s pick, a wood-carvers gouge, a surgeon’s probe. You wield it, and it digs a path you must follow.

Sometimes I dig myself right into a hole from which I can’t extricate myself. In the old days, the trash can (or floor) was filled with crumpled papers. I often chuckled at the universality of experience in Annie’s words. However, she is the expert. I barely dare to call myself a writer.

I write longhand, transpose to Word, then Medium draft. I let it “marinate” overnight but get so impatient to hit that publish button. I think it's so brilliant, everyone will want to read it!

Just read (please) those stories written before it was suggested I download Grammarly. “Everyone knows you can’t edit yourself,” again my sister (non-writer) reminds me.

But here I am seeking my gold star. I have been scouring Medium stories for ideas that will entice folks to read my words. If you write well. they will come, they say. Use marketing ploys in your title and pictures to tease what’s to come, is suggested.

Read, comment, clap, and follow folks and they will do the same. I am not ashamed to say I do all that. However, I only read what interests me, clap for something I enjoyed, and comment when something strikes home. I highlighted twice so far (now I know the purpose!).

I look for titles that get my attention. I agonized over the title of this piece. Are you reading this? What about the picture, did it catch your eye? I couldn't find the right picture of a gold star. (I read one story because of the picture - a magnificent-looking lion. ) Was it worth your time? At the very least, find and read Annie Dillard’s book if you haven’t already.

And ask yourself, “would I read my own essays?”