Summary

Carolyn Riker, a licensed psychotherapist and author, shares her personal struggles with self-doubt and impostor syndrome as a writer, and how she finds solace and inspiration in the wisdom of Maya Angelou to persevere and embrace her craft.

Abstract

Carolyn Riker grapples with the challenges of being a writer, including bouts of self-doubt, impostor syndrome, and the difficulty of writing amidst life's pressures. She reflects on the diverse topics she writes about and the exhaustion that comes from trying to fit in and please others. Riker finds guidance in the words of Maya Angelou, who encourages her to do her best, let go of past limitations, and embrace the present. She learns to combat perfectionism with self-compassion and discovers that stepping away from writing can paradoxically spark creativity. Riker emphasizes the importance of nurturing one's soul, establishing boundaries, and recognizing success beyond monetary terms. Through her journey, she realizes that writing is a process of self-discovery and self-love, and that her sensitivity is a source of strength and magic in her work.

Opinions

Riker views writing as a challenging profession fraught with self-doubt and the pressure to conform to external expectations.
She acknowledges the debilitating effects of impostor syndrome and perfectionism on her writing process.
Riker finds wisdom and comfort in Maya Angelou's advice to do her best and to improve with knowledge and experience.
She believes in the importance of self-care and taking breaks from writing to rejuvenate creativity, suggesting that mundane tasks can lead to poetic inspiration.
Riker argues that success should not be solely measured by financial gain but by the fulfillment of the soul and the expression of one's true self.
She emphasizes the value of setting personal boundaries to protect one's creative space from critical voices.
Riker sees her writing as a reflection of her inner self, with each sentence contributing to her self-understanding and growth.
She identifies as a dreamer who finds limitless potential in her sensitivity and connection to nature, which she channels into her writing.

My Writer’s Mind is Going to Explode

Until I listened to the wisdom of Maya Angelou

Sometimes, I feel as if I’m the biggest fraud. Self-doubt suffocates me. Why do I call myself a writer? A poet? What type of writing wears me the best? Why do I write on so many topics?

Impostor syndrome hits hard and I unkindly over analyze myself.

Being a writer isn’t easy. What happens when we come to a blank page and yet we are also blank, drained, exhausted, worried, anxious, depressed.

Sometimes I find it difficult to write when the weight of life, our world, lack of justice, hatred, sexism, racism presses me into the ground. Sometimes I need to stay close to Nature and just be with her.

And sometimes I’m so tired of trying to fit in, make others happy, over accommodating and still do what needs to get done.

However, my writing suffers and gets crowded out when I don’t take time to nourish her.

What helps?

Maya Angelou’s spirit finds me when I am nearing my lowest.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” ― Maya Angelou

Maya, my spiritual writing mentor tells me,

“Stop beating yourself up, my dear. You’ve got this. Let go of the old and welcome right now.”

I smile knowing she’s right. I do place a lot of demands on myself.

Perfectionism is like plaque on teeth. Hard to scrap off but it is possible. And if I brush away my self-doubts with more regular gentleness and give myself extra notes of ‘you’re doing just fine,’ maybe then I wouldn’t feel as low.

Writer’s need encouragement.

Ironically, when I spend time away from the keyboard, take a walk, fold towels, wipe down the stove, take a warm shower, even flatten boxes to be recycled, this will usually stir a string or two of poetry.

We learn from our ups and our downs. We pivot, divot, twist, flop, fail and we pick up those pieces and hold them tenderly.

Success isn’t always a monetary equation. Actually, it rarely is but society would like us to believe so.

What really matters? Our souls need to be fed with what makes us feel alive, loved and accepted.

We are our own love.

We learn to play. We learn by unlearning what we have been negatively told.

We write literally from childhood spaces: under a bed, at the back of a closet. Far, far, far away from critical voices by developing stronger, safer boundaries.

We discover who we are through our sentences.

I know I am a dreamer who stirs up magic inside of my sensitivity — a limitlessness place composed of the sea.

I am a writer who writes from the seeds of my soul pressed into the ground. I turn myself into a wild meadow navigating, the best I know how until I learn better. Just like Maya Angelou’s wisdom told me so.

Carolyn Riker, MA, LMHC, is a licensed psychotherapist and author of three books of poetry and prose. Her latest is My Dear, Love Hasn’t Forgotten You. If you’d like, follow her on Facebook at Carolyn Riker, MA, LMHC or Instagram.