Summary

The author expresses deep emotional distress over the imagined future scenario where their adult children might grow apart from them, despite currently sharing a loving and close relationship.

Abstract

The author, a parent deeply attached to their children, unexpectedly finds themselves overwhelmed with grief over a hypothetical situation where their grown-up kids choose partners who dislike the family, leading to estrangement. This fear, possibly triggered by an article about a mother's estrangement from her son, highlights the author's strong emotional bond with their children and the importance they place on maintaining a close relationship into adulthood. The author values the time spent with their children and dreads the thought of a future without them. They actively engage in discussions with their children about the importance of kindness and respect in relationships, hoping to instill values that will guide them in choosing the right partners.

Opinions

The author believes that parenting can be tiring but does not desire a break from their children due to the deep enjoyment they find in their company.
They emphasize the importance of choosing a life partner who is kind, respectful, and someone with whom one can genuinely enjoy spending time.
The author is concerned about the potential for their children to enter into unhappy or emotionally abusive marriages, as they have witnessed among friends.
They are proactive in discussing with their children the qualities to look for in a partner, particularly kindness and respect, to ensure a healthy and loving relationship.
The author hopes that by planting these seeds of wisdom, their children will make wise choices in their future relationships and that their partners will embrace the family.

My Worst Nightmare Hasn’t Even Happened But It Had Me In Tears

It kept me up all night.

Do you ever get emotional about things that HAVEN’T EVEN HAPPENED? That are actually- quite likely- never even going to happen.

Well. I normally have enough REAL problems to keep me occupied on a moment-by-moment basis. Getting upset about potential future circumstances is not my MO.

Which is why I felt it strange and ironic, even as it occurred, that I found myself sobbing uncontrollably the other night over imaginary future events.

I know. You’re thinking I must be one of those super emotionally charged crazy women that everyone avoids. Or even worse- MENOPAUSE. (How dare you. Seriously. I’m only 45).

Obviously, I’m biased, but. I really don’t think I fit either of those descriptions.

Nonetheless, my imagination ran wild and I was entrenched in deep, soul-wrenching grief that had no basis in reality.

My imagined nightmare? That my kids would grow up, fall in love with partners that DON’T LIKE US, and stop visiting.

One of our many family adventures I will fondly look back on when they’re all grown up.

I’m not sure where this fear suddenly came from. I think I’d recently seen an article written by a mother who was estranged from her adult son-I don’t really remember. Maybe I had just skimmed it. Honestly, that kind of thing breaks my heart and I find it difficult to read about others’ grief. So I doubt I actually read the article.

But it planted a seed.

I got to thinking about my own relationship with my kids.

I know everyone thinks their kids are the best. All decent humans love their children. It’s kind of a requirement.

But I ADORE mine. (I know, I know, we all do. I know.)

I like who my kids are, and not just because they’re mine. I love spending time with them. I’ve always had that friend or two who just can’t WAIT for the babysitter to arrive, or for their mother-in-law to sweep in and give them the break they’re fantasizing about.

I get it. Parenting can be tiring. It’s non-stop.

But I never feel the need for a ‘break’ from my kids, because I love their company. I cannot imagine a future that doesn’t include a continued close relationship with them. It would be worse than death.

Cooking is an important life skill. Making his favorite side-rosemary roasted potatoes.

As they’ve gotten older, I’ve started talking to them about what qualities are important in a partner. I’ve seen WAY too many friends go through ugly, traumatizing divorces after years of emotionally abusive marriages.

It’s tragic. Life is hard enough without your marriage being a source of conflict and suffering.

Marriage should be your safe space. Your life partner should be your biggest cheerleader, your fierce defender. And someone you genuinely ENJOY being with.

I know it’s a crap shoot. There are no guarantees. What you see isn’t always what you get, either. Sometimes people change, or they hide their true selves. This is not a judgement on anyone who finds themself in an unhappy marriage.

But. There are often signs. And sometimes infatuation can destroy brain cells in otherwise reasonable people.

As for me, I’m trying to plant seeds in my kids’ brains that KINDNESS is such an important quality to look out for when you start getting serious in a relationship. This goes for all relationships, but is especially important in a partner. Kindness and respect are critical foundational qualities that someone must possess to have a mutually caring, loving relationship.

I can’t choose my kids’ partners for them. But hopefully the seeds I plant now in their minds will help them to choose wisely when that day comes. And when it does, I hope whoever the lucky two are will embrace our family as their own.