09/22/2022

My Worst Fear (And How I Overcame It)

Refresh the Soul 30-Day Writing Challenge: September 22nd

Prompt Day 22: Describe your worst fear.

Fear is a funny thing. It can render even the strongest people senseless. Rarely rational and usually unpleasant, no one likes to deal with their fears.

For the most part, the things we fear can be avoided. Don’t like snakes? Avoid the reptile area at the zoo. Have a problem with the dark? Use a nightlight.

But what do you do when what you fear doesn’t have to do with the physical, but with the psychological or emotional?

What Is Fear?

Simply put, fear is the threat of harm. Fear can be of physical pain, of course, but it can also be emotional or psychological pain. It can also be real or imagined (ever had a nightmare you couldn’t quite shake?).

Our bodies are hardwired with survival instincts, and fear is one of them. While fear may be designed to protect us, it often feels like it’s harming us.

Take rollercoasters, for example. For someone with a fear of heights, theme parks are often a no-go. Even though rollercoasters are largely safe, fear has a habit of seeing the worse and assumes that if something can go wrong, it will go wrong.

It takes a lot of courage to face fear and do the thing that scares you. I grew up near Cedar Point, a large amusement park in northwest Ohio. While I could handle some of the rides, like the Iron Dragon or Gemini, others I wouldn’t go near.

What Causes Fear

Some things, like darkness, heights, and death, trigger fear in everyone. These are fears our ancestors had for thousands of years and have become ingrained in us. Other fears can be learned or based on a bad experience.

For me, heights have never been a problem. Stick me on the edge of a cliff any day. So what is it about some rollercoasters?

I can trace my fear back to a fateful ride on The Villain, a wooden rollercoaster, at Six Flags when I was ten. My dad and I sat together. In those days, safety standards for rides were lower. There was a seatbelt and a metal bar, both of which were adjusted to fit my dad’s legs and not mine.

This meant I was technically strapped in, but there was a good gap between the seatbelt and the bar and my legs.

So when the ride started up, things went downhill fast once the ride crested the top of the hill. The downward slope was pretty intense, and I went flying up off the seat. I had to wrap both arms around the bar to keep me from exiting the seat entirely.

And my dad, who was having the time of his life, was oblivious to what was happening. The rest of the ride was better, but every time the ride went downhill, I came out of my seat.

Needless to say, I was afraid of rollercoasters for a really long time.

How I Overcame My Fear

Don’t get me wrong, I had no intention of ever conquering this fear. I spent only one or two days a year at amusement parks, and there were always plenty of non-scary rides to enjoy.

One summer, my friend Kate Edgehouse invited me to go to Cedar Point with her and her family. I enjoyed spending time with Kate and loved her mom, so I said yes.

You should know that the Edgehouses are rollercoaster-loving people. The bigger, the taller, the faster, the scary, the better.

I did not share this mentality.

Kate and her mom were determined to get me on one of the most iconic rides at the park: the Millenium Force.

This ride had always been a no-go for me for many reasons. Namely, there was a huge, steep drop (which bore a startling resemblance to The Villain in my mind). It didn’t help that the seats were open and that the only security was a t-shaped bar across your lap.

I much preferred rides where I felt closed-in, and that offered a shoulder harness.

After a relatively easy morning of rides that were within my comfort zone, it was time to tackle the Millenium Force.

Fear Conquered

Rollercoasters would be a lot less intimidating if you didn’t have to wait in life for two hours to get on them. My anxiety had a hay-day waiting in that line. All I could picture was falling out of the car on the way up the first hill or tumbling out head-first on the way down.

By the time we reached the front of the line, the Edgehouses practically had to drag me over to the car. Mrs. Edgehouse, a truly good mom, knew how terrified I was and sat next to me so I could hold her hand.

I’m honestly not sure if I took a single breath on the way up the hill. I found out later I was squeezing her hand hard enough to draw blood. All I can remember thinking is that at least I’d be dead before I hit the pavement when my tiny little t-shaped lap bar failed on the way down.

That ride turned out to be absolutely exhilarating. Once we made it past the first downhill, I started to relax and almost had a good time.

The Edgehouses ran with my newfound, adrenaline-filled momentum and took me straight to the back of the park for an even scarier ride, the Maverick.

That ride, which featured a 95-degree downhill angle, two launch points, and a twisted horseshoe roll, was unlike any other coaster I’d ever ridden. In fact, watching the roller coaster launch as we waited made the whole notion of getting on the ride seem even dumber.

In the end, what got me on the ride was Kate’s encouragement and the over-the-shoulder safety harness. While the 95-degree drop was not to my liking, I ended up loving the rest of the ride.

What I Learned

Fear is not one of my favorite emotions. Lately, I feel like I’ve been drowning in it. But I’ve also learned a lot about it.

For me, fear starts small. If I don’t address it, it builds quietly over time until it’s the unavoidable elephant in the room.

Overcoming my fear of rollercoasters wasn’t easy, but it taught me that fear can be conquered. In many ways, defeating fear is like building muscle. The only way to do it is with time and repetition.

Doing something you’re afraid of is a uniquely satisfying experience. Fear is where the only thing holding you back is yourself. Push through it. You’ll be glad you did.