My Workplace Was Prioritizing My Life for Me. So I Quit.
I rewrote my own priorities and it changed my life completely.
In his book Essentialism, Greg McKeown writes, “Remember that if you don’t prioritize your life someone else will.”
Think about that for a minute. The idea is simple and straightforward, and it’s also 100% true. If you don’t set and enforce your own boundaries around what is important to you, someone or something else — work, friends, family — will control your life for you.
“Remember that if you don’t prioritize your life someone else will.” — Greg McKeown, Essentialism
This is exactly what was happening to me at a previous employer. I had a corporate position in a large company that I had thought would be my dream job, and yet I felt constantly frazzled, anxious, irritable, and unsatisfied.
It wasn’t until I had an extremely upsetting phone conversation with my boss, during which he told me that “work seemed like my last priority” (despite me putting in 10–11 hour days during a pandemic, dealing with my mom’s near-death COVID experience, and being available to my colleagues at nearly all hours of the day), that I broke down. I felt completely helpless and ashamed, and the confidence and self-esteem I’d built up through school and previous jobs felt totally shattered. I didn’t recognize myself anymore.
That was when I realized the real issue: I was letting my job prioritize my life for me. Worse, I was feeling guilty for devoting time to family and health, even though those things are unquestionably more important. My values were not lining up with what I was experiencing at work, and that divide was pushing me further and further away from myself.
I rewrote my own priorities.
Priorities are tricky things; it used to be that ‘priority’ meant the one thing we were most concerned about, the single item that needed to be taken care of above all else. Now, we talk of our top priorities, which can be a list that stretches into the double digits. As I thought about making a radical change in my life, I needed to reexamine my single top priority, and then think about everything that came after.
My number one priority is and always will be my family. Working ceaselessly during the beginning of a terrifying pandemic while also caring for my traumatizingly ill mother threw the disconnect between my real values and the values my workplace wanted to foist upon me in stark relief. My workplace knew my mother was ill, yet I was still expected to be available at all times, work long days, and focus on nothing but the computer screen in front of me. In the eyes of my workplace, whatever they needed me to do should be my number one, unquestioned priority.
That didn’t work for me, not at all. After family, I cared about my health and happiness. Work came after — something that was still important, but not something worth sacrificing my real values for.
That was an important realization, but I still wasn’t quite ready to say ‘I quit.’
I revised my idea of success.
The idea of actually quitting my job seemed like a dream only attainable in an alternate dimension. How could I possibly let go of a good salary, excellent benefits, and the prestige of a hard-earned corporate position? After years of college and graduate school, I’d been almost brainwashed to believe the job I had was the goal — was the point — of all that education and studying, all the hours of networking and recruiting and interviewing. I was supposed to want that job, supposed to love that job.
And yet I didn’t.
The first step toward taking back control of my life was to let go of those preconceived notions of who or what I needed to be. Success is not a static image that looks the same for everyone. My idea of success needed to morph to fit who I was now and what my values were.
When I realized success could look radically different from a corporate job, I started to see that the golden handcuffs my workplace had slapped on me were really just imaginary. Consulting with my family, who had grown alarmingly concerned by my anxiety and the complete shift in my demeanor, gave me the strength I needed to make a plan.
I quit my job.
Within five days of that enormously upsetting phone call with my boss, I quit.
I did everything I was asked to do so I didn’t leave my colleagues in the lurch. Then I closed my computer and walked away without looking back.
Immediately following my departure from the company, I took a few days to simply relax. I worked on jigsaw puzzles. I went on walks outside without feeling guilty. I read books with full absorption, not needing to constantly listen for the ping of an incoming message that required my immediate attention.
The freedom, after so many months of feeling imprisoned with those golden handcuffs shackling my wrists, was intoxicating. I felt happier than I had in over a year.
After letting myself just breathe for awhile, I got to work. It’s true I quit my corporate job without having another employer lined up, but it’s not true that I quit my job without a plan.
For five months prior to quitting, I’d been training to be a health care copywriter and content strategist. I’d been taking courses, reading books, practicing my writing skills, and doing research about potential clients. I’d been fleshing out my LinkedIn profile and establishing my own LLC.
I’d had an escape hatch for a long time, but the thought of actually jumping through that doorway had felt terrifying and impossible until I finally felt strong enough to leave my job.
I threw myself into my new role as a self-employed boss. Within two months, I had two clients. Within four months, I had four. I worked hard, continued to study and improve, and built relationships.
I started to feel like myself again.
The worst part about letting a workplace prioritize your life for you is the accompanying loss of identity and confidence. Being treated like a cog made me start to believe that’s all I was. When I started my own business, where I could live according to my priorities instead of someone else’s, the parts of me that had withered started to grow back. I felt strong, I felt capable, I felt uniquely skilled, I felt confident.
I kept growing, and I didn’t stop.
Where I am now…
Today, over six months since I set off on my journey as a business owner, I am happier than I ever thought I’d be this time last year. I am confident, I am authoritative, I am competent. I have wonderful, trusting relationships with fantastic clients built on mutual respect. I decide my work hours, who I work with, what projects I tackle, and how much I charge. I am in control of my life.
Yet, there are still times when I feel angry — angry about how I was treated at my previous workplace, upset about events that transpired, and, sometimes, irritated at myself for failing to give more honest feedback. During my exit interview, I skated around the real reasons for my departure, not wanting to leave on a bad note. I still think that was the right decision, but at the same time, I can’t help wondering if being more direct and open— but still respectful — would have made a difference in that company’s culture. I’d like to think it might have, but, if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t think it would have changed anything.
Perhaps that’s why I’m writing this piece now. I didn’t have the proper words to process and explain my experiences six months ago, and I threw myself into new opportunities instead of lingering on past resentments. This was the right call, but now that I’m in a much better place, I’m looking for some catharsis. I hope that sharing my story can offer a bit of light at the end of the tunnel for others going through something similar.
It’s worth reiterating the central message here: Don’t let others prioritize your life. Handing over control to people who don’t always have your best interests at heart is a recipe for disaster. I was lucky that I had supportive family and friends around me who recognized what was happening to me and encouraged me to change my situation. Without them, I know I would still be in that same job, and I shudder to think what other parts of my identity would have withered by now.
Don’t ignore warning signs that your values aren’t lining up with those of your workplace. Keep your own priorities clear in your mind, and don’t let anyone tell you work is more important than family, friends, or health.
Be the one who prioritizes your own life.