avatarEsther George

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Abstract

d wanted to fly away, fear gripped me. I lacked the will to push through.</p><p id="ef7f"><i>What if I don’t make it? What if it was all a huge mistake? Or worse, I might end up in Gehenna because of insubordination.</i></p><p id="2b6d">I hid my feelings behind a mask. No one knew who I truly am. The smile, this happy face is my protection. I kept assuring them that all is well. But inside, I was dying a little bit each day. No one saw inside.</p><p id="4771">And I didn’t look.</p><p id="68e0">I was afraid. For myself and for those I love.</p><p id="d940"><i>Do I cut ties and walk away completely? What will happen to them, or to me? What would they think of me or say about me?</i></p><p id="f1d9">Too many questions with no answers, and so I remained, living the life I had to, finding yet one more reason to stay.</p><p id="2fd1">I continued to exist in this solitary shell, breathing but not living, smiling but not happy. Somewhere in the shadow of my existence, the light within grew dimmer with each passing day.</p><p id="d9f4">I dreamt of escaping, to fly, to feel the wind underneath my wings as I glide out of the thermals, moving across landscapes. I often get lost in an imaginary world created in my mind. And just like that, my days slowly turned into months, which turned into years. I felt I was trapped in that existence. I was not proud of myself despite doing the best I could.</p><p id="bbc8"><i>I’ll be fine, the pain will eventually die and I’ll be out of here. Send me a sign, Mighty Angel. Surely there’s more to this narrow, humdrum life than meets the eye. Please shine Your light on the truth and let me know I’ll be ok.</i></p><p id="73ec">Then one day, it happened. I saw it. Signs from the Universe communicating with me. Sequences of repeated numbers kept appearing everywhere.</p><p id="de71">What does it mean?</p><p id="b9e3">Happenstance? I brushed it aside, but it didn’t go away. The Universe persisted. Increased occurrences collided into my day until it was no longer possible to ignore.</p><p id="10e4"><i>“The answers are within you. Go inward. Search it out for yourself.”</i></p><p id="2521">I had to swim through the dark ocean of fear, took some deep breaths and tuned in. Further and further I went inward until I arrived in the void. I stayed.</p><p id="9a87"><i>Am I supposed to meet with someone? What am I looking for?</i></p><p id="0f87">I stayed longer.</p><p id="9199">Within that silent stillness of space, a knowing washed over me. There were no words but understanding gushed throug

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h like a flow from a dam. I let myself go and I sobbed, long and hard. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t know what it was. I only knew it was a release. I allowed the energy to cut through every blockage, releasing obstruction and flowing freely. All the emotion suppressed inside found its way up. I let it all out. I felt the release.</p><p id="8afc">I came out of the void bearing the truth, the confirmation, the clarity that aligned with the true calling of my heart. I am born free. I’ll destroy the cage they put me in.</p><p id="e5e3">The Universe nodded as a sign of agreement. I had to locate the Self that I’ve lost. I have to reclaim my voice. My wounds need to heal so that I can gain strength to fly again.</p><p id="dda8" type="7">“Hush, let the night whisper and draw your soul towards the path of a million stars. Move forward in harmony and let eternal love lead you from afar. Rebalance reconnect and trust your heart that harbors the sacred things. For none too soon positive energy and abundance it shall bring.”</p><p id="5b5c">That is the meaning of the number, 222, that repetitively revealed to me. This is my path. This is where I’m heading.</p><p id="22e4">Everyone will desert me. I must continue to walk alone. Fear tightened its grip on my heart and wouldn’t let go. But inside, I felt the momentum had begun.</p><p id="4d88">That was a sign from the Universe informing me that the time has come. The planets will align soon, revealing the paths.</p><p id="5d1e"><i>But what if…</i></p><p id="4112">No, I will not go there. I don’t have all the answers. I just knew I had to go and find my way. While everyone continues to see the mask I’m wearing, no one notices that change has occurred.</p><p id="a243">I’m getting ready. Patiently, I wait for the wind. How much longer, I’m uncertain. But I’m prepared. I’ll offer one more smile, I’ll endure one more night, I’ll cry one last time.</p><p id="bd77">When the moment is up and the wind is high, I’ll spread my wings and I will ascend into the clouds.</p><p id="f034">The Universe conspires. My angel guides are on standby. Just a little while longer. And I’ll be out of here. You won’t miss me. You probably won’t notice when I’m gone. I’ll not bid my last goodbye.</p><p id="ee1d">I’ll find myself again.</p><p id="c201">Tonight the moon rays fell onto the roof and spilled in through the window. I snuggled into my pillow and just before I turned off the light, I glanced over to check the time. There it was again. The digital clock showed 222.</p></article></body>

My Wings Are Made To Fly

Pay attention to the signs of the Universe

Photo by Diana Chaplin from Pexels

When a road splits into two roads, and you are not sure which way to go, whichever road you take, you will be splitted into two: A part of you will stay on the road you haven’t gone!

― Mehmet Murat ildan

Where does one’s path eventually end up? Do we always expect the road we take to lead us where we want to go?

My life has been a series of questions without answers. For the longest time, I’ve walked down roads that do not take me where I want to go, instead taking me to where others expected of me. There’s always the social construct of what is right. Despite being a rebel at heart, I lived with broken wings.

I was always confident in myself. Since earlier days, I knew without a doubt the paths I would someday take, places I would venture, to spread my wings and see what’s out there waiting for me. My entire life was intricately woven into a beautiful masterpiece. Sadly, the internal imagery did not come to life except that it remained hidden at a forgotten corner somewhere in my mind.

Like a caged bird. I’m locked in my emotions away from my passion, to spare others’ sensitivity. They expected me to conform.

“You must live by example, maintain a good reputation. Be obedient and submit, always putting others before self, in love. Fear god so you could escape hell.”

How was I supposed to react? Religious standards determine my sense of values and how I live my life. They told me about the rewards waiting in heaven for those who conformed and the scorching heat of hell to those who didn’t make it. That concept caused insecurity in me. I wore my reputation as a cloak for the world to see.

My wings failed to serve. After a while, it became nothing more than just a non-functional part of me. Even though I had wanted to fly away, fear gripped me. I lacked the will to push through.

What if I don’t make it? What if it was all a huge mistake? Or worse, I might end up in Gehenna because of insubordination.

I hid my feelings behind a mask. No one knew who I truly am. The smile, this happy face is my protection. I kept assuring them that all is well. But inside, I was dying a little bit each day. No one saw inside.

And I didn’t look.

I was afraid. For myself and for those I love.

Do I cut ties and walk away completely? What will happen to them, or to me? What would they think of me or say about me?

Too many questions with no answers, and so I remained, living the life I had to, finding yet one more reason to stay.

I continued to exist in this solitary shell, breathing but not living, smiling but not happy. Somewhere in the shadow of my existence, the light within grew dimmer with each passing day.

I dreamt of escaping, to fly, to feel the wind underneath my wings as I glide out of the thermals, moving across landscapes. I often get lost in an imaginary world created in my mind. And just like that, my days slowly turned into months, which turned into years. I felt I was trapped in that existence. I was not proud of myself despite doing the best I could.

I’ll be fine, the pain will eventually die and I’ll be out of here. Send me a sign, Mighty Angel. Surely there’s more to this narrow, humdrum life than meets the eye. Please shine Your light on the truth and let me know I’ll be ok.

Then one day, it happened. I saw it. Signs from the Universe communicating with me. Sequences of repeated numbers kept appearing everywhere.

What does it mean?

Happenstance? I brushed it aside, but it didn’t go away. The Universe persisted. Increased occurrences collided into my day until it was no longer possible to ignore.

“The answers are within you. Go inward. Search it out for yourself.”

I had to swim through the dark ocean of fear, took some deep breaths and tuned in. Further and further I went inward until I arrived in the void. I stayed.

Am I supposed to meet with someone? What am I looking for?

I stayed longer.

Within that silent stillness of space, a knowing washed over me. There were no words but understanding gushed through like a flow from a dam. I let myself go and I sobbed, long and hard. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t know what it was. I only knew it was a release. I allowed the energy to cut through every blockage, releasing obstruction and flowing freely. All the emotion suppressed inside found its way up. I let it all out. I felt the release.

I came out of the void bearing the truth, the confirmation, the clarity that aligned with the true calling of my heart. I am born free. I’ll destroy the cage they put me in.

The Universe nodded as a sign of agreement. I had to locate the Self that I’ve lost. I have to reclaim my voice. My wounds need to heal so that I can gain strength to fly again.

“Hush, let the night whisper and draw your soul towards the path of a million stars. Move forward in harmony and let eternal love lead you from afar. Rebalance reconnect and trust your heart that harbors the sacred things. For none too soon positive energy and abundance it shall bring.”

That is the meaning of the number, 222, that repetitively revealed to me. This is my path. This is where I’m heading.

Everyone will desert me. I must continue to walk alone. Fear tightened its grip on my heart and wouldn’t let go. But inside, I felt the momentum had begun.

That was a sign from the Universe informing me that the time has come. The planets will align soon, revealing the paths.

But what if…

No, I will not go there. I don’t have all the answers. I just knew I had to go and find my way. While everyone continues to see the mask I’m wearing, no one notices that change has occurred.

I’m getting ready. Patiently, I wait for the wind. How much longer, I’m uncertain. But I’m prepared. I’ll offer one more smile, I’ll endure one more night, I’ll cry one last time.

When the moment is up and the wind is high, I’ll spread my wings and I will ascend into the clouds.

The Universe conspires. My angel guides are on standby. Just a little while longer. And I’ll be out of here. You won’t miss me. You probably won’t notice when I’m gone. I’ll not bid my last goodbye.

I’ll find myself again.

Tonight the moon rays fell onto the roof and spilled in through the window. I snuggled into my pillow and just before I turned off the light, I glanced over to check the time. There it was again. The digital clock showed 222.

Channeling
Inspiration
Essay
Sprituality
Synchronicity
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