Summary

A man is troubled by his wife's request for him to engage in a cuckold relationship while visiting China, a he is not comfortable with.

Abstract

The author shares a personal dilemma where his wife, who is deeply interested in Chinese history and culture, has proposed that he take on a 'concubine' during their trip to a rural town in China. Despite his initial disbelief and firm stance against the idea, his wife continues to press the issue, citing historical precedence and setting out rules for the arrangement. The author, who identifies as ethnically Han Chinese but was born in California and has limited proficiency in Chinese, is conflicted and seeks advice on how to address his wife's insistence on this fetishistic scenario, which he believes is detrimental to their marriage's sexual exclusivity and his personal values.

Opinions

The author is not interested in participating in a cuckold relationship and finds the idea distressing.
The wife's interest in cultural role-play has extended into her suggesting a modern interpretation of historical concubinage.
The author believes that sexual fidelity is a cornerstone of marriage and is important for both emotional and physical well-being.
The wife has presented the idea with specific conditions: the arrangement would be consensual, temporary, involve condom use, and she would watch the encounters.
The author suspects that his wife's proposal is a fetish and not a genuine cultural practice, and he is seeking a way to make her stop asking.
The author is advised to stand his ground and maintain his stance on sexual fidelity, given his commitment to monogamy before marriage.

My wife wants me to be a cuckold when we travel to China. [Advice]

Photo by Koma Tang: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-wearing-swim-suit-posing-6201884/

In these advice articles, I will be going through Reddit relationship stories and giving my thoughts on how they can improve their situation.

Contains edits for grammar and clarity

While my wife and I are both Chinese, I was born in California, in Mainland China, and didn’t immigrate until she was a teenager. She is also into Chinese history, loves cultural role-play (she refers to me as her “Emperor”), and has attended numerous Chinese events.

I’m not incredibly thrilled to go each time since these take up big chunks of the day, but I think it’s pretty cool learning about the history/culture of my people, and I will always be supportive of my wife’s interests and hobbies!

This past December, my wife and I visited China this summer. She initially asked if I was hesitant, and I told her a bit since

(1) it would be my first time,

(2) I would rate my speaking and writing skills at a solid C+ and

(3) I didn’t want to be seen as a foreigner despite being ethnically Han Chinese.

(4) I’m worried about embarrassing myself and her in front of her mom and dad. She tried to rest assured that things would all go well, but it was “much more” than simply seeing her family and that I would be treated like an “Emperor”.

I initially didn’t ask any questions since I assumed it would be more cultural stuff and that I would just be very well treated since I am family.

This past weekend, she asked me something that truly surprised me: if I would be: “interested in taking a local girl as a ‘concubine’ while we are in the rural town visiting my grandparents”. I honestly thought this was a joke since I had given NO indication that I would be interested in a marital affair.

Heck, I was a virgin when I met her and had nearly zero experience with women before meeting her!

When I asked if she was joking, she firmly said, “NO.”I asked again, and she repeated her stance and began to list out her “rules”, explaining that:

(1) the arrangement will be consensual with the lady,

(2) it will be temporary,

(3) that I will use a condom, and

(4) that she will watch everything.

Despite this conversation on Saturday, I doubled down mentally, thinking itwas just some sick joke. But low and behold, she asked me this morning if I had thought more about her remark, and I stomped, repeating my stance! Before leaving for work, she said: “I will wait and see if things change”?!?!

I’ve looked into this, and “concubines” are indeed a thing in Chinese history, but honestly, this has to be something else. I’m not doing this. How do I get her to stop asking?

This is a fetish.

His wife wants to see him have sex with other women and is using the pretext of ancient cultural norms to get her husband to participate. She should just be honest with him. I think the cuckold fetish is destructive to a marriage since one of the hallmarks of marriage is sexual exclusivity, which makes sense for both emotional and physical health.

He should stand his ground on this. Sexual fidelity is obviously important to him since he was a virgin prior to marriage.

What are your thoughts?

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