My Virtual Friends Are Great Until I Need a Hug

Summary

The author, Kasey Sparks, reflects on the significance of both virtual and in-person friendships, emphasizing the unique benefits and limitations of each, particularly the lack of physical touch in online relationships during times of need.

Abstract

Kasey Sparks delves into the nuances of modern friendships, highlighting the depth and vulnerability possible in online connections through shared writing and personal stories. While these relationships offer a sense of being fully known and accepted, they lack the physical comfort that only in-person interactions can provide, such as a hug during difficult times. Sparks acknowledges the imbalance that had developed in favor of virtual friendships, especially as life's challenges, including family crises and personal frustrations, demanded more immediate support. Recognizing this, Sparks has recently shifted focus to rekindle local friendships, seeking a balance between the two spheres of companionship. The essay underscores the importance of maintaining a diverse network of friends, both near and far, as each offers unique contributions to one's well-being.

Opinions

The author values the depth of virtual friendships, which allow for a level of openness and sharing that may not be present in local relationships.
Despite the emotional support provided by online friends, the absence of physical touch in these relationships is keenly felt during times of grief or stress.
Sparks has experienced a series of personal losses and challenges, leading to a greater appreciation for the comforting presence of local friends.
The author believes in the importance of balancing investments in both virtual and local friendships to ensure a well-rounded social support system.
Sparks views both virtual and in-person friends as equally valuable, rejecting the notion of ranking them differently.
The essay suggests that friendships, regardless of their nature, require nurturing and effort to maintain their significance in one's life.

FRIENDSHIP | WRITING PROMPT

My Virtual Friends Are Great Until I Need a Hug

It’s the one thing my online friends can’t do

my friendships are like lovely petals strewn near and far | kasey sparks

I’ve cultivated some dear friends through writing online. They live all over the world. With some, our relationships have deepened and spilled beyond our published stories. We’ve connected through email, chatting apps, and phone calls. I even took a trip to visit one of these friends in person.

I love my virtual friends. I cherish their presence in my life. Really, I do.

Because I share so much of my personal life through my writing, some of these friends know me better than many of my local friends. Writing in a pen name allows me to be vulnerable and reveal intimate details of my messy life — parts of which I’m not always comfortable sharing with those I see regularly. I’m bolder and more candid here than with many of my in-person friends.

I suspect many of my writing friends are the same way and that I know more about their inner thoughts as well. We’re getting to know each other on an entirely different level.

It’s been a blessing to connect with people who read about my missteps and still like and support me. This has given me something I’ve always longed for — to be fully known and accepted just as I am.

For this reason, my online friends have taken up more space in my days. Writing has become a big part of my life and one of my biggest joys. In the last year, I’ve often spent more of my free time connecting with these virtual companions than I have with my local friends.

I’ve turned to many of these people for support. When my mom took a tumble last fall, some of my online friends were the first names that came to mind when I thought about letting other people know what happened.

Yet as much as these people feed my soul in ways my nearby friends haven’t there’s one thing local people can give me that the online ones can’t.

A hug.

When life throws me a curve ball and need a hug, I can’t get one from my online people.

In the last few months, I’ve experienced several losses leading to grief. My mom’s accident was one such loss. It was a life-changing event not only for her but for my dad, my siblings, and myself as well. Her injuries rendered her unable to drive and we’ve determined my dad shouldn’t be behind the wheel anymore either. They’ve lost their independence and now must rely on me and other friends more than they used to. With that, my free time is squeezed.

I’ve also had a series of frustrations beginning with another round on a dating app. It’s a distraction that’s led once again to disappointment. The return on my time invested is minuscule. Although I’ve met some interesting people and learned a few things about myself, I’m still empty-handed.

Then just this week, my frustration ratcheted up when my car started misbehaving again. I think it’s time to put the old girl in detention and find something new yet that process scares me a bit. I’ve never done it on my own. I’m sure I can manage it but it’s one of those things where I wouldn’t mind having a mate by my side to help me navigate those waters to make the best choice.

When loss and grief couple up with mounting frustrations such as these what I need most is a hug. I need to feel arms embracing me. I need to be held. For as much as my virtual friends send me soul hugs and well wishes — which I appreciate and feel on an energetic level — it’s not the same as a skin-to-skin connection. For that, I need an in-person person. I need body-to-body contact.

In spending so much time interacting with my virtual friends I’ve realised how much I’ve neglected my relationships with my in-person friends. So in the last few months, my friendship pendulum has swung to my local people. I’m leaning more on them for support and guidance.

Like most things in life, this situation has been another lesson in the importance of striking a balance between two competing entities. Cultivating and nurturing both sets of friends is vital to my well-being.

Both groups fill my soul with good things. Both play unique roles in my life. I need both for different reasons.

All of this brings to mind the Make New Friends and Keep the Old song my mom used to chant every time my family moved to a new location. When these transitions happened I often fretted about losing my friends from the former place and so my mom would sing that tune. It was a good reminder to nurture the established friendships while making room for new ones.

As a result, I have remained friends with a few dear people in different parts of the country. Our communication may only be once twice a year, but because we’ve kept it up for so long all I need to do is grab the phone and we pick up right where we left off.

With my local friends, it’s been the same. Reaching out to them and getting together again renewed our connection. After meeting with a few I realized how much I’d missed them and made a mental note to not let so much time pass between our next get-together.

Finding that sweet balance of nurturing the relationships with both the online group and the local one allows the richness of my friendship base to expand.

I’d be hard-pressed to call one silver and the other gold though. Instead, I consider them all as gems to treasure.

To quote Ram Dass, “We’re all just walking each other home.” If you’d like to join me on the journey, click here.

What Do Two Medium Photographer Friends Do When They Meet Each Other IRL?

They shoot a roll of film together, of course!

medium.com