My Ukraine is on Fire. My Teacher’s Home is in Flames

Russia started a war against Ukraine on February 24th. Kyiv is on fire.

I started a publication about Ukraine last week, and my goal was to write as much as possible about the culture, history, people and everything I could. Right after the pub went live, so did Putin’s warplanes, tanks and troops. Russia started a war in Ukraine.

I mean, the war started back in 2014 when Russia invaded Ukraine, annexed Crimea and separated two regions from the country. But November 24th was the first day the full-scale war started.

I was devastated. Not very shocked, as I’ve been expecting this for a while. Since fall, I saw it coming as I was reading the news. Other countries saw it coming too. The United States has been warning Ukraine about an escalation before November 24th, but many people didn’t believe Biden. Please note it’s not about Biden; had Trump been sharing such suspicions, I don’t think anyone would have listened either. Who would expect that in 2022, a second-world country would attack their neighbour? I guess everyone was hoping that Putin isn’t insane. They were clearly wrong.

I wanted to start writing about the events in Ukraine from the moment I read and wrote about the war at 3 am that day. What I didn’t expect was how much it would hit me emotionally and mentally.

I was on vacation last week. I spent half of it trying to convince my Ukrainian friends and family, most of whom reside in Kyiv, to leave for Europe. I argued, begged, cried, and did all I could to make them escape before it was too late. I told them I’d buy tickets and pay for hotels. No one left. Everyone thought there was no way Putin would go this far.

He did. And it now was too late. The second half of my vacation went towards pleading with my friends and family to pack their bags and flee, but the traffic jams spread throughout many cities and towns: people were going west. To Poland, Slovakia, Moldova – anywhere. As I’m writing this, the news reports that one week into the war, a total of 1 million Ukrainians escaped the country.

By the way, some of those leaving were men. Ukraine didn’t shut the border down right away, so they had a chance to escape. But today, Ukrainian news reported that 80,000 men came back from Europe to defend their country. So, when you read the information about refugees, keep in mind:

1. Yes, people are fleeing; it’s horrible. But almost all of them are women and children, as well as older people.
2. Almost no men left Ukraine since the war started because the government forbids men to leave. There is a chance some of them are included in the 80,000 people who came back.
3. Ukrainian men who live abroad may have come back to join the army as well.

Almost all my friends and family are now stuck in Ukraine – men, women, children, and older generations. They are either patriots who don’t want to leave their land or don’t feel safe to run. So, we both read the news and are terrified. The difference is, I’m 4,000 miles away and safe in Toronto, and they are in bomb shelters. So I can’t compare how we feel even a little bit.

I was hoping I’d have the energy to write about war. But all I’ve been doing for the last week is crying, reading the news and asking my friends if they are okay. I’ve been doing those two things non-stop.

On the first day of the war, I read the news and screamed internally.

On November 25, 2022, around 5 a.m. Ukraine time (or November 24, 2022, 10 p.m. Canada time), people on the east side of Kyiv heard a loud bombing sound. The Ukrainian air defence downed a plane, and it fell on a residential apartment building.

Here are the pictures from a news channel I’m following on Telegram:

The good news is no one died when that happened. The bad news is, four people got injured. There may have been new developments since then.

There were several reasons why this hit me so hard emotionally:

1. This was in my native city of Kyiv, which is where I’m from. I might be Canadian, but I was Ukrainian first.
2. It’s only 4 minutes away from my home… It could have been my building.
3. My best friend and her family were only 2 km away, at a bomb shelter, praying for their lives. When they heard a sound that resembled bombing, they became hysterical. They thought the shelter was being bombed, and they won’t survive this. My friend said she was prepared for death, and her little nieces thought they wouldn’t see their mom and dad again.
4. This is the apartment building of my high school teacher. They shared the exact address online, and I knew that was it. It could have been a different building block, but looking at the state of the building, it wasn't good.

I started silently crying as I saw the photos. There was a video too: as I watched it, crying turned into bawling. I quietly screamed through the tears.

You think you’re safe from the war when you’re far away. And you surely are! Physically. But not emotionally or mentally. And when your native city is on fire due to frequent bomb strikes; when your teacher’s home is literally in flames; your childhood home is only a few minutes away; and your friends are right there, preparing to die… You feel like you’re there. And you are there, emotionally.

I don’t claim to know how Ukrainians feel right now. It’s 100 times worse for them. As I’m typing this, 2,000 civilians died in this war. In a single week. I have no business telling you I’m suffering: the Ukrainian people are the ones who really, REALLY suffer.

Having that said, I can barely sleep, I haven’t properly eaten for a week, and me being able to somewhat function is a miracle. In the first 5 days, I slept in 2–3 hour increments. Why? Because I’ve been talking to my friends and family, offering words of comfort, and then checking in every hour when they got a chance to leave Kyiv and move to the western part of the country.

Do you know how it feels to read the news, realize your friends’ path might get hit by bombs, frantically message them and then wait in agony for their reply, praying they survived and didn’t get erased from the face of the Earth by the Russian army? No? You’re lucky.

I may not be there right now, and it’s not me who’s the victim here. But it’s still hard emotionally. And the worse part is, as all of my friends and acquaintances are safe, other people are suffering. Who lost their homes, livelihoods, lives. People who lost their kids, spouses, parents.

I almost feel guilty for being happy that my loved ones are alive and safe. There are so many who are not. And there’s nothing, absolutely nothing I can do about it.

My former high school teacher is alive. I messaged her after so many years in panic. Never in my wildest nightmares, I expect to ask anyone whether they are alive.

She replied almost right away and said she was okay and safe. She ended her message with:

“Honour and glory to the Ukrainian heroes!”

Ukrainians are, in fact, heroes. They have been defending the country since 2014, and history knows many times they did so in the past. I’m not a hero, though. I’m just a millennial quietly living far away, in safety. But I want you to know that every person fighting for Ukraine is a hero.

I will do my best to write more often. I have already started sleeping, and I’m not declining food anymore. My stress levels are through the roof; thank God for being on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds though. I’ll probably go back to therapy soon, but many Ukrainians will be in therapy for many decades.

P.S. I originally shared a link to my Ko-Fi page. I removed it and replaced it with links for charitable organizations, and I’ll add them to every article I publish related to Ukraine. I vetted these organizations through a few independent journalists I know in Ukraine, and they believe these donation resources are legitimate.

It’s totally up to you, but if you’d like to help Ukraine in their war against Russia, please consider donating using the following links:

1. Donate to Red Cross Ukraine (help the Ukrainian medics).
2. Donate to Ukrainian Army.
3. Donate to “Come Back Alive” (both military and humanitarian needs).