Summary

The author of "My Trans Journal" shares a personal account of a discouraging day, juxtaposed with moments of empowerment and self-acceptance, while navigating transphobia and the challenges of expressing their identity in public.

Abstract

The author begins by expressing a recent dip in morale following a series of events that occurred after feeling positive about their identity. A visit to a local park, known for its transgender-friendly environment, is marred by the discovery of derogatory graffiti on a trans pride flag wall, alongside an empowering message to "Live Free Without Fear." The author's desire to find suitable shape wear leads to a positive discovery of LGBTQIA+ fashion rings, which lifts their spirits. However, the joy is short-lived as the author faces criticism from their wife over their choice of earrings, leading to feelings of discouragement and questions about their partner's acceptance. Despite this, the author resolves to embrace their identity openly, deciding against hiding their heart pendant, anklet, or changing their earrings to less noticeable ones.

Opinions

The author feels a mix of disappointment and resilience in response to the graffiti on the trans pride flag wall, interpreting it as an act of transphobia.
There is a sense of community and solidarity found in the messages painted on the wall, such as "Live Free Without Fear" and "It always goes to the root," which the author believes affirm the innate nature of being transgender.
The discovery of LGBTQIA+ fashion rings brings the author joy and a sense of belonging, highlighting the importance of representation in fashion.
The author's wife's reaction to their choice of earrings and the concealment of the heart pendant necklace suggests an underlying fear or discomfort with public displays of the author's transgender identity.
Despite the external and internal challenges faced, the author demonstrates a strong commitment to self-expression and living authentically, as evidenced by their resolve to "BE ME" and the exclamation "VIVAS LIBRES SIN MIEDO!!"

My Trans Journal: Yesterday Was Kind Of Discouraging For Me.

Just as I was feeling good about myself, a couple of things happened that really bummed me out.

We walked to a nearby park for dinner that has street vendors selling all kinds of good food. This park is next to the transgender friendly part of town.

As you can see from the above picture, there’s been some recent graffiti done to the trans pride flag wall. I believe it says “Possum Whore?” ..if my Google translate is correct. To the left, near the electric meter it says vivas libres sin miedo, which means “Live Free Without Fear.”

I think this wall says, “It always goes to the root” from what I could find as a translation. I’m assuming they mean that being trans is something you’re born with. From the beginning, you’re roots. Or something like that.

I’m not sure what the names on the floor of this outdoor stage are for, but this might be a memorial site for those trans women that have passed on for whatever reason.

So after my wife and I ate, we went to Walmart to get some groceries. There at the store we walked by a women’s shape wear tank top, and I mentioned to my wife that this is something I would like to try. My sports bras draw too much attention, and I need something to lock down the girls. I hate when we have to jog across a busy street for obvious reasons.

She said, and I agreed, that I should find something cheaper online. So when I got home, I went on to my new favorite website for women’s items, and looked at shape wear. There’s so many tops to choose from! I can’t decide which one I want to get.

Then I saw in the recommendations at the bottom of the screen, fashion rings. Some of the rings styles are in the LGBTQIA+ flag colors! How cool is that! My ring size was sold out from all of the sellers but one, I did a little searching, and there was only one trans flag ring left in stock so I snatched it up!

I love it!! This ring will be a nice addition to my collection! A subtle tell to the world that I am transgender.

That’s when things got a little strange. I ordered up my ring, and decided to go into the bedroom and switch out my earrings for a different pair. I recently ordered up a bunch of earrings to see which style best suits me. I went with a 3mm black CZ diamond. When my wife saw me she laughed and said, “You can’t wear those outside of the house!” That’s where the bummer part of the evening began.

After that I was feeling like poop.

We watched the IOWA vs UConn game later on in the evening, and then needed to take the dog outside for his final walk of the day. My heart pendant necklace was out from under my t-shirt, and my wife put it under to hide it. I started to feel discouraged. Not good.

I asked her, “Are you embarrassed by me?” She said, “No!” I asked her if my earrings and necklace look bad, and what is she thinking when she sees them? She just looked at me.

Is this all about homophobia/transphobia?

I think it is.

We’re still stuck in this weird place of fear.

Today we’re going to go to a mall that’s a bit further out. We need to pay our water bill and then sit down and have a coffee or two, and do some online work while we’re there.

I was thinking about wearing these earrings, but now I feel like I should put in the tiny less noticeable ones again.

Maybe I should hide my heart pendant. Maybe I shouldn’t wear my anklet?

SCREW THAT! I GOTTA BE ME!

My Trans Journal: Yesterday Was Kind Of Discouraging For Me.

VIVAS LIBRES SIN MIEDO!!