Top 6 Options For Riding Out The Apocalypse

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gram, or if they do that that I’m on their list. Secondly, I read an article saying that we can’t live on Mars or permanently in space because cosmic rays would kill us or at least turn us into hideous mutants. Hell, I can be a hideous mutant right here on Earth.</p><h2 id="1d5b">Domed Cities</h2><p id="77a4"><b>PRO:</b> The domed city is a paradisiacal wonderland where everyone wears metallic jumpsuits and drives supercharged golf carts. Outside the dome is a perilous wilderness of saber-toothed tiglons, collapsed skyscrapers, and wise old men talking about the olden times when everybody lived outside. Nobody wants to go there though because it’s so nice inside the dome.</p><p id="b0a6"><b>CONS: </b>There are no domed cities and it doesn’t seem like something you could just slap together. I assume that someone will be working on them soon, but in the meantime, best to have a safety.</p><h2 id="0d39">Desert Island</h2><p id="830b"><b>PRO:</b> Who doesn’t want to live on a remote tropical island, relaxing in a hammock while monkey butlers bring banana cream pies and pineapple daiquiris? Call me Gilligan.</p><p id="a150"><b>CON:</b> Tropical islands are more, rather than less affected by dramatic climate change-related weather events, plus tend to have limited supplies of fresh water — hence the term <i>desert</i>. Also, the best ones aren’t deserted at all but chock-a-block with people, gift shops, and tourist casinos. And let’s not even talk about volcanoes.</p><h2 id="7125">Down Under</h2><p id="

Options

e590"><b>PRO:</b> Until recently I assumed that a place as far away from everywhere else as Australia would be insulated from the worst effects of eco-catastrophe, and I could move there and enjoy a simple happy life of Vegemite, Foster’s, and wallaby racing.</p><p id="6f84"><b>CON:</b> My early understanding was spectacularly incorrect. Australia is intermittently and sometimes simultaneously on fire and underwater, which explains why they keep coming up with things like Mad Max and Earth Hour.</p><h2 id="7f92">A Car</h2><p id="11ae"><b>PRO:</b> In this scenario, I’d roam a post-apocalyptic wasteland in an armored Jeep, fighting thugs dressed like 90’s club kids for the last remaining supplies of gasoline and canned meat.</p><p id="4aaa"><b>CON:</b> The same as the pro. This option sucks.</p><h2 id="7c6e">Planet of the Apes:</h2><p id="358f"><b>PRO:</b> A long shot, but I really believe that apes could do a good job of stewarding the planet if they’d just stop throwing their feces around. Right now the city is being stubborn about not letting me keep a mating pair of orangutans in the apartment, but I’m this close to teaching the cat rudimentary English.</p><p id="cf0a"><b>CON:</b> I don’t see myself training up a whole army of ape administrators before things fall apart.</p><p id="034e">Those are the best ideas I’ve come up with so far. I’m open to any thoughts that others may have, especially if they’re funded. In the meantime, I‘ll be crouching in a pit in the back garden.</p></article></body>

Space Habitats

PRO: Going to space has long been my principal backup. I’ve always assumed that if things really go to hell, the government or the billionaire cartel would bring out the secret rocket ships and send the best and the brightest — me, Bill Nye, Halle Berry, etc. — to an orbiting Utopia with sliding doors and an airport Hilton vibe, but with cleaner sheets. From our vantage point miles above the earth, Halle and I would live a gravity and care-free life, blissfully indifferent to the mayhem below.

A related possibility is Mars, depending how much fuel is in the government spaceships. There I’d do Elon Musk’s laundry or run a tour company that takes people off-roading in methane-powered dune buggies.

CONS: I’m not 100% sure that anyone has a secret rocket escape program, or if they do that that I’m on their list. Secondly, I read an article saying that we can’t live on Mars or permanently in space because cosmic rays would kill us or at least turn us into hideous mutants. Hell, I can be a hideous mutant right here on Earth.

Domed Cities

PRO: The domed city is a paradisiacal wonderland where everyone wears metallic jumpsuits and drives supercharged golf carts. Outside the dome is a perilous wilderness of saber-toothed tiglons, collapsed skyscrapers, and wise old men talking about the olden times when everybody lived outside. Nobody wants to go there though because it’s so nice inside the dome.

CONS: There are no domed cities and it doesn’t seem like something you could just slap together. I assume that someone will be working on them soon, but in the meantime, best to have a safety.

Desert Island

PRO: Who doesn’t want to live on a remote tropical island, relaxing in a hammock while monkey butlers bring banana cream pies and pineapple daiquiris? Call me Gilligan.

CON: Tropical islands are more, rather than less affected by dramatic climate change-related weather events, plus tend to have limited supplies of fresh water — hence the term desert. Also, the best ones aren’t deserted at all but chock-a-block with people, gift shops, and tourist casinos. And let’s not even talk about volcanoes.

Down Under

PRO: Until recently I assumed that a place as far away from everywhere else as Australia would be insulated from the worst effects of eco-catastrophe, and I could move there and enjoy a simple happy life of Vegemite, Foster’s, and wallaby racing.

CON: My early understanding was spectacularly incorrect. Australia is intermittently and sometimes simultaneously on fire and underwater, which explains why they keep coming up with things like Mad Max and Earth Hour.

Planet of the Apes:

PRO: A long shot, but I really believe that apes could do a good job of stewarding the planet if they’d just stop throwing their feces around. Right now the city is being stubborn about not letting me keep a mating pair of orangutans in the apartment, but I’m this close to teaching the cat rudimentary English.

CON: I don’t see myself training up a whole army of ape administrators before things fall apart.

Those are the best ideas I’ve come up with so far. I’m open to any thoughts that others may have, especially if they’re funded. In the meantime, I‘ll be crouching in a pit in the back garden.

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