My Top ADHD Self-Care Tips

How I look after myself when my ADHD gets too hard to manage

It’s me, hi! I’m the problem — usually. But often, the problem is my ADHD. ADHD and I are one and the same sometimes. It gets hard to distinguish where my ADHD ends and I begin.

If, like me, you’re also trying to manage your life around your ADHD or simply struggle with hyperactivity, overwhelm, and distraction, this article should help you see things in a more hopeful light.

The problem with self-care and ADHD is that some self-care habits don’t really work for us. Or, at least, for me. Taking bubble baths, no matter how many times I try, never really works, because I start fidgeting and getting impatient after about 20 minutes.

Watching a comfort show or putting on some body lotion, again, aren’t it for me. You can see a pattern, can’t you?

Many self-care tips we see floating around usually point to rest and relaxation. Read a book! Take a nap! Go for a walk! It sounds nice, when it works for you. But sitting still and taking your mind off whatever stresses you out is a recipe for disaster for most people with ADHD. Relaxing looks very different to me.

So, here are four things I do to take care of myself when my ADHD gets out of control.

Disclaimer: These tips are based on my own experience as an unmedicated ADHDer in the process of diagnosis. They might not apply to everyone and are not guaranteed to help.

Tidy, organise, de-clutter

A lot of what triggers my sense of overwhelm has to do with clutter. Don’t get me wrong, I am, quite literally, a tornado. I will leave stuff behind all the time. My knitting, my books, clothes I can’t be bothered to fold, my makeup, jewellery, and especially my mail, gets thrown everywhere around my flat.

But it is also true that my restlessness and stress comes precisely from how messy my space becomes. So, one of my favourite ways to calm down my whirring brain, is to tidy up. Simple, but effective. Counter-intuitive? Definitely, for most people.

When my partner sees me fidget or stress about the house being a mess, his default response is: leave it, it’s not that bad. Or: we’ll do it another time. Or: just relax, it’s your day off.

But I literally cannot relax unless I deal with what’s bothering me in the first place. It’s like an itch that needs to be scratched. So, cleaning, which is a chore for most people, becomes a soothing activity for me.

Pep talks

My brain has the wonderful power to plunge me into darkness very often. I will find myself on autopilot, unmotivated, confused, unable to make sense of why I feel sad, lethargic, or overwhelmed. I find myself lazy, not wanting to eat, and unable to communicate, the complete opposite of who I usually am.

When that happens, I try to remind myself that I’m not my ADHD. It’s easy to believe that this is all there is to us, when our lives revolve around our brains. Discovering I have ADHD has been my greatest realisation, making me finally understand why I am the way I am. But with this discovery comes the temptation to attribute everything I do to my ADHD.

Separating myself from my brain and reminding myself of the things I’m proudest of is sometimes the ultimate self-care strategy. I remind myself that I’m hardworking, reliable, creative, I’m full of energy and enthusiasm and nothing stands in my way. I’m curious, passionate, and good at my job. I’m a good writer, a skilful crafter, and a good cook. I’m a good partner, friend, daughter and sister.

Telling myself all of these things, spelling them out when things get too hard to deal with, can be life-changing. You are not just ADHD. You are not just neurodivergent. You are talented, loved, responsible, and skilled. You are much more than your weirdly wired brain.

Sensory deprivation

Sensory overwhelm is a huge trigger for people with ADHD. Loud noises, low lighting, crowds, weird textures, and other external stimuli can send us into shut-down mode. Or, into shouty mode. I used to be so bad at identifying just how much sensory overwhelm affected my mood. I used to be constantly annoyed or downright angry, and couldn’t get over those moods for hours at a time.

Surprise, surprise, it was my overstimulated mind sending me red flags. Now I know what triggers me, the best way to fight sensory overwhelm is to put myself in sensory deprivation. Ear plugs, or headphones with white noise playing on low volume, a soft blanket, or an eye mask, can work wonders to keep me calm and at peace. Especially at night, when I’m trying to relax and go to sleep, reducing outside stimuli is a must.

Minimising apologies

Of all ADHD triggers, guilt is my biggest nemesis. Growing up, I got told off constantly for being clumsy, loud, having no social cues, and being impatient. Naturally, I developed an overwhelming sense of guilt for…essentially many things that make me who I am.

Combine that with RSD — rejection sensitive dysphoria, which is a common symptom of ADHD, and you have a recipe for disaster. I am always paranoid that I’ve done something wrong. Sending a message to a friend and getting a rushed answer? I must have bothered them. Replying to an email a few hours later? I must have failed that person. Feeling out of my depth with a task? I’m not good enough.

I will sit down to eat with my partner, and five nights out of seven, I will start with an apology. Sorry, it’s a bit too spicy. Sorry, it took too long. I am constantly battling this all-consuming sense of guilt, and always trying to bend and fold to please everyone. Bad habit. Disastrous, horrible habit. Especially since most of my guilt is never justified.

Many people close to me have told me to stop apologising. This includes my manager, who, on our first one-to-one, picked up on how often I start an email by saying sorry.

So, I’ve been actively trying to minimise apologies. This direct action then empowers me to also feel less guilty. Looking back at all the things I denied myself or missed out on just because I assumed they would inconvenience someone else, I know this is the best self-care habit I can implement. It’s hard work, but I’m getting there.

And there you have it. Four self-care tips for anyone who feels overwhelmed and trapped in their own head sometimes. Whether or not you have ADHD, if the classic bath and skincare tips are a bit too superficial to get to what’s bothering you, try some of my methods and see how it goes. It’s working wonders for me. Not always, but often enough.

As always, I must end with the reminder that a bad day is just that, and it doesn’t define you or your life. Even if nothing works, remember to give yourself another chance tomorrow. It will be ok.

Eliza Lita is a freelance writer based in the UK. She covers books and reading, ADHD and health, fitness, and lifestyle. For more of her stories, please consider signing up for a Medium membership through her referral link.

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