My Toddler Goes to Daycare When Both His Parents Work From Home

Working from home with your kids isn’t fair to them or your job.

“Where can I find a work-from-home job that is okay with my child being there?”

It’s the burning question in a lot of Facebook work-from-home groups I’m in. Every time I see this question, I shake my head.

I used to be that parent.

Before my son was born and even when he was a baby, I fantasized about working from home and spending every day with him. I even tried it out for a little while from the time he was eight months to seventeen months old.

It wasn’t impossible before he started walking.

I worked when he was napping (2–3 hours every day), and I’d put him in his high chair and give him snacks so I could work at the table.

Before he crawled, it was even easier, because I could put him on the floor with his toys and not have to worry about him moving.

However, I wasn’t able to fully focus on my freelancing career until after he started daycare at 18 months old.

This post is all about the reasons I don’t work from home with my toddler around, and why you should rethink working from home with a child of any age at home.

You cannot be a great parent and excel at your career at the same time if your work and kids are in the same room.

I’ve been in Discords with working moms, and I’ve read suggestions on Facebook groups on how to keep your kids entertained so you can focus on work. Usually, it involves handing the kids an iPad or putting them in front of Bluey, and telling them to be quiet so Mommy or Daddy can work.

This crushes my heart.

When my son is at daycare, I know he’s getting the stimulation he needs. He’s doing all the activities he loves: painting, playing outside, listening to stories, and playing with his friends. These are all things I cannot give him when I’m working at home with him in the room.

Excessive screen time is detrimental to young children.

This statement isn’t up for debate. As a mom, I cannot fathom the thought of leaving my son in front of a screen all day, so I can focus because the dangers to childhood development are prevalent and well-known.

Several studies have been done regarding the effects of screen time at a young age. Language development is a huge struggle. My son is already struggling with pronouncing words and has started speech therapy, despite the hours of Ms. Rachel we watched together when he was little.

Even Ms. Rachel cannot substitute human interaction.

Part of me wonders if I didn’t talk to him enough from eight to seventeen months (although I tried my best, and regularly took him to community events).

His language delays weren’t brought to our attention until he started daycare, and I can’t imagine what would have happened if he stayed home while I was working. Now he’s getting the appropriate speech therapy he needs, and he’s learning from other kids.

Excessive screen time also has been linked to delays in social-emotional growth. Children who watch television or play video games are more likely to show depressive symptoms, and I firmly believe this because I was a child who watched a lot of television and played video games, and this was before two-year-olds were using tablets.

I have refused to give my two-year-old a tablet, and he’s never played on my phone. In fact, he hates my phone because he sees it as me not giving him attention when I’m on it, and becomes aggressive when he sees me on it.

My son does not watch TV without his parents.

My son is not the type of child who will allow me to put him in front of the screen and not sit down with him. If he’s going to watch an episode of one of his favorite shows (which at the time of this writing are Sesame Street and Blues Clues), Mommy has to be there too.

He sits on my lap or snuggles up to me, and we watch the show together. I’ve never been able to put him in front of the TV to do something like many moms talk about. It just doesn’t work for us. My son sees television as bonding time, and I’m perfectly okay with that.

I hope he stays like this when he discovers video games. Growing up, I was shamed by my parents for the TV shows I watched and the video games I played, and I refuse to do that to my child. I want to be an active participant in his interests and understand what he likes about them.

Ignoring your child is truly the worst thing you can do.

Before my son enrolled in a childcare program, we went to the library at least once a week for storytime. We’d go early so he could play with the trains, magnets, and other toys the library puts out.

One time, while my son was playing, I saw a woman on her phone. Her son, who was about six, kept trying to get her attention.

She kept “hushing” him and telling him to be quiet because she was on the phone. I saw the disappointment in the child’s face.

I can’t do that to my son. When he wants to show me something, no matter what I’m doing, I have to give him my full attention and tell him how “cool” the toy or object is.

When you’re working from home, you need to be able to give your work your all. It doesn’t matter what type of work you do, even if you’re not on the phone or required to have a quiet background.

I’m a freelancer, and I could have my child home, but I’m not doing either of us a favor by having him here.

Even if your employer says it’s okay, it’s not

Kid-friendly employers aren’t common, but they exist. Some don’t care if your kids are in the background.

There are so many variables here, and having your kids home can cause things with your job to go south fast. If your kids are regularly causing a disruption, even the most kid-friendly employers might start to take notice.

The Bottom Line

I wish we lived in a world where we could work from home while taking our kids, but it’s not realistic. Kids need stimulation, and busy working parents cannot give them that. Children are happier in a trusted childcare center than they are in front of a television or iPad all day. It’s also better for their language and socio-emotional development.

Choosing between being a stay-at-home parent and a working parent is crucial for your child’s well-being. I have nothing against stay-at-home parents–I envy them.

I wish we didn’t need a two-income home so I could spend all day taking my son to community events and parks all day long. Unfortunately, my family is not able to survive on one income in this economy.

Caring for a toddler is way more exhausting than writing all day. I spend weekends chasing him all morning, and I’m ready to crash with him at naptime. There is no way I could maintain my writing schedule while caring for him full-time.

We all want our kids to be healthy and happy, right? Sometimes that means making the difficult decision to enroll your little one in childcare (or hire a nanny or mother’s helper).

If you liked this post, read My Personal Pros and Cons for Working from Home.