MENTAL HEALTH | PHYSICAL HEALTH

My Thick Thighs Saved Lives but at the Expense of My Own

I stayed for the money and the benefits, but at what cost?

When that small voice inside my head started screaming at me throughout my mind and body, I finally listened. She told me that no amount of money that my company was willing to pay would be worth the potential long-term damage I was doing to my body.

It was not an easy pill to swallow. I had grown comfortable at my job even though the work itself was quite demanding most days.

The salary was decent, much more than any American company would pay for comparable work. However, the benefits are what really made the job worth it.

My employer paid half of what I contributed towards my pension and health insurance, which covers way more than any health insurance I’d ever had in the United States. My health insurance kicked in immediately, and not once in two years did I have to pay a co-pay.

And the vacation days…I was granted thirty days a year from the very beginning. Six weeks. My mom worked for Verizon for almost 30 years and had reached four weeks of paid vacation per year by the time she retired.

Then there’s the sick day allowance. In Germany, you can be sick or injured for up to six weeks and still receive your normal pay. I worked with young children and was sick or injured almost every other month. I am pretty sure I averaged at least 45 sick days a year with no negative repercussions from my employer.

Sometimes I looked forward to being sick so I could spend some much needed time at home rejuvenating myself. I give a lot to whatever I do. I tried dialing it back at work but it just didn’t work for me. It was all or nothing.

When I say that my thick thighs saved lives, I’m playing with a popular saying I’ve heard over the years, especially among my Black communities in Philadelphia.

The kids I worked with loved to sit on my lap whenever I sat down to do just about any activity with or near them. My thick thighs are strong yet soft. They’re perfect for them to feel safe and comfortable like many of their mothers have made them feel.

They’re also perfect for them to leap off of when I hold their little hands and pretend they are a gymnast.

I’m fairly short, which made it easy for me to catch their unexpected and expected falls through the air or crouch down to their size when they were hurt or sad.

For me, the best was when I read to them, especially when they were not feeling well, and my thighs became blanketed pillows for them to rest their big little, sniffly heads.

I knew when I accepted that job that I would be exposed to more germs than I had been at any other place of employment prior.

However, I had no idea that my immune system would take such a beating from the consistent lack of a proper night’s sleep compounded with the constant stress of working with toddlers who required a lot more from me than I was used to giving on an almost daily basis.

Even though it became apparent to me early on that I would not stay at the job for more than a few years; it was very hard to make the final decision to leave and submit my letter of resignation.

The only other work I have done that was as demanding was waiting tables at high-volume restaurants and I swore to myself many years ago that I would never do it again.

That kind of work, where the money can be fantastic, but there’s no room for growth and most co-workers are unhappy, tends to make me feel imprisoned.

The worst part for me is that I know it’s a prison I created.

The best part is knowing that I am the one who can set myself free which is exactly what I did.

Changing jobs at my age is usually not fun or exciting. However, I actually feel a level of fun and excitement towards my career that I had not felt in a long time.

I am taking a break between jobs but have work already lined up to start in the new year.

This is a priceless gift I’m giving myself that each of us has the power to give to ourselves, if we place value on it, on us.

I am extremely grateful for this reminder and hope it serves to remind you too.

You are more than you probably think you are and you hold a great deal of value.

Remember that.

Live it.

With love.